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LOVE IT! I love the premise of your book, though there are some parts where the dialogue appears to be off along with the grammar. I like how quick paced your writing is, and I like the take on the MC as a servant of sorts. Despite the minor errors, it isnāt detrimental to the writing quality. All in all, this was a fun read!
The plot is quite intriguing and the author's writing style is great. Still a little early to give a proper review, but it's worth a read. I will give another review as the story progresses. Can't wait for more chapters. Keep writing, author.
Well, you got me on the first chapter. The plot and the description was insane! I love the introductory and how it just leaves me hungry wanting to read more. Keep it up author definitely I'll be back to read next chapters. And, now I'm going to add it to my library. ^^
I LOVE this. It is exciting, well paced and makes you want to read more. I love the way this writer describes everything so well. You feel as if you are there.
First of all, Iāll start with the prize, because itās the best thing I reviewed so far. Itās well written, the story is interesting, and directed in a good, fluid way, which makes this simply a good read. Dialogues are very nice as well. So putting that aside Iāll move to the pointers, as I have a few, but mostly small things. I start with the beginning: Iām not so sold on how you start the novel. As a starting writer with no cloud, you should make sure your first chapter ticks some basics, and you by all means do, but I think It could be done better. So normally you start with a hook, so people will continue reading and you will have the room to sell them the premise of the story, the protagonist, the setting, and all that stuff. For me, the later parts with Luan on the ground dit it better than the falling star-thingy. So yeah, thatās a possible improvement. Then we have some awkward words here and there. Just a few, but they give an off-vibe. Examples: The fourth paragraph of the 1 chapter. āAs he tried to get his bearingsā - I presume itās to avoid the repetition of words but ant it as supposed to be something along the lines of āregaining his postureā, but it feels awkward. I would even say that the repetition would be better in this case. Then a bit later you have the āStunninglyā where mister shades kick Luan. That also does feel awkward. I would use surprisingly, or just simply go with a dry kick. There is more, but Iām not gonna point them all. What Iāll point out, on the other hand, are those weird brackets. It feels as if you use them for the protagonist's thoughts, but not always. So, as far as I know ā ā - this is for dialogue, and ā ā - for thoughts. At least in English. With this, the third paragraph of the second chapter feels really weird. Then the ā...ā and the lines. I feel like those are useless there. Itās as if you want to jump to a different scene, but we are left each time in the same scene, so why not just simply continue? Then the office and the club. You kinda described them, but also kinda not. It by all means didnāt feel empty, but I also have this hunch that you could do it better. Flesh it out more. Then the 24-year-old girl. You narrate the story as we are following Luan, but this feels like we zoom out and have the narrator tell us some additional info, which makes this feel off as well. I would either just approximate the age and her soberness instead of stating it. Or completely zoom out, and go full narrator style there ā but this, I believe will also feel awkward. Then the re-appearance of the redhead (vampire?) and the return of the brackets, which are again like adding the narrator mixed with the protagonist's thoughts? I donāt know. Then, as the dialogue progresses you start telling instead of showing. You tell what the girl is feeling/thinking, and start telling more stuff as the bulky guy comes. It could be shown instead, which would make it much better. Usually, you want to ātellā only the stuff thatās useless for the novel. Like a quick background of a background character, thatās meaningless, and would only interrupt the flow of the plot. Here I think showing would benefit the story. The stuff about delaying could also be shown, for example by Luan getting weaker or feeling some symptoms of whatever is happening to him. There also is the consent thingy. It feels important for the story, but actually, why is there, and why should Luan care about this? It feels more like an irritating addition to the drink blood quest, which I feel the protagonist, who showed his rebellious side already, could consider ignoring. That would be it from me.
Reveal Spoiler
Great writing style but I feel uncomfortable with MC as pet/servant. Even so narration of the plot is impressive. Although there are view points that is not my dish but overall it's an excellent book you started writing and hope you update frequently and it is quite new to me.
Hm... It think this book is very unique. It has a lot going for it, especially with the premise. IT can be thrown out to many different audiences... only if it is done right. It is too early to tell how this story will truly unfold. From the looks of it, I do like the description. Not chunky and doesn't take you out of the story, good. But, I will say that the lack of personality in the descriptions do make them a little boring. I also think there are a lot of double words. Words like 'His owned' or 'cold, bone chillingly cold' These words aren't needed as it is obvious by the previous one. Consider changing it. In all, this book is done very well. Keep it up author.
With just only finger-countable chaps, here we go, an honest review: Author got smooth reading flow about the writing, the emotion, the action, on weaving the plot, all good. But at some point, writing format are kinda awkward, like how u used () for thought or monologue and -, listing thing inside the novel, which is kinda not well known in wn audience. I suggest u could refer some of the top ranking novel as refer for this styling, as effort to make it more familiar and confortable to read for webnovel audience. (youre going to write in this platform, right?) Update stability, really, kindly please put more effort in writing more chaps. This good story deserve 1 chap/day stability. I know making quality work is no easy business, so alternatively u might consider 'stockpiling' as effort to reach the said stability. Overall, outstanding, the premise is also looking good and interesting. Looking forward how would you execute the story. Beside that, please work on the synopsys, it may be direct, short and nice, but extra (idk, whatever that might lure and grab attention) in it might be nicer.
I absolutely love this book. great grammar and great character designs! I can't wait to read more.
I really like the pace and the narration style .I would love to know how Luan ended up there so I added it to my library. Keep updating š¤© -kudos wilde
Interesting novel, this Luan of a person sounds interesting and the chapter one is really amazing, you should update more tho even if it's not going to be frequent.
The story has a very sudden start with no definite past of the character. It is only vaguely mentioned that character has transmigrated. We do not know much about his new environment nor the old one. Only that he is a vampire in transition. It is interesting and grows curiosity among readers. All in all, although there are only two chapters right now the story is worth reading.
So far the story is quite good, hard to say much as there are only 2 chapters. However it still managed to grip me and I am left wanting more. I've added it to my library!
Tbh I kinda like it, the story flows smooth but the transition is not good, you dont need a line of "-" or "*" to switch to different scene. but overall is pretty good š
LOVE IT! I love the premise of your book, though there are some parts where the dialogue appears to be off along with the grammar. I like how quick paced your writing is, and I like the take on the MC as a servant of sorts. Despite the minor errors, it isnāt detrimental to the writing quality. All in all, this was a fun read!
The plot is quite intriguing and the author's writing style is great. Still a little early to give a proper review, but it's worth a read. I will give another review as the story progresses. Can't wait for more chapters. Keep writing, author.
Well, you got me on the first chapter. The plot and the description was insane! I love the introductory and how it just leaves me hungry wanting to read more. Keep it up author definitely I'll be back to read next chapters. And, now I'm going to add it to my library. ^^
I LOVE this. It is exciting, well paced and makes you want to read more. I love the way this writer describes everything so well. You feel as if you are there.
First of all, Iāll start with the prize, because itās the best thing I reviewed so far. Itās well written, the story is interesting, and directed in a good, fluid way, which makes this simply a good read. Dialogues are very nice as well. So putting that aside Iāll move to the pointers, as I have a few, but mostly small things. I start with the beginning: Iām not so sold on how you start the novel. As a starting writer with no cloud, you should make sure your first chapter ticks some basics, and you by all means do, but I think It could be done better. So normally you start with a hook, so people will continue reading and you will have the room to sell them the premise of the story, the protagonist, the setting, and all that stuff. For me, the later parts with Luan on the ground dit it better than the falling star-thingy. So yeah, thatās a possible improvement. Then we have some awkward words here and there. Just a few, but they give an off-vibe. Examples: The fourth paragraph of the 1 chapter. āAs he tried to get his bearingsā - I presume itās to avoid the repetition of words but ant it as supposed to be something along the lines of āregaining his postureā, but it feels awkward. I would even say that the repetition would be better in this case. Then a bit later you have the āStunninglyā where mister shades kick Luan. That also does feel awkward. I would use surprisingly, or just simply go with a dry kick. There is more, but Iām not gonna point them all. What Iāll point out, on the other hand, are those weird brackets. It feels as if you use them for the protagonist's thoughts, but not always. So, as far as I know ā ā - this is for dialogue, and ā ā - for thoughts. At least in English. With this, the third paragraph of the second chapter feels really weird. Then the ā...ā and the lines. I feel like those are useless there. Itās as if you want to jump to a different scene, but we are left each time in the same scene, so why not just simply continue? Then the office and the club. You kinda described them, but also kinda not. It by all means didnāt feel empty, but I also have this hunch that you could do it better. Flesh it out more. Then the 24-year-old girl. You narrate the story as we are following Luan, but this feels like we zoom out and have the narrator tell us some additional info, which makes this feel off as well. I would either just approximate the age and her soberness instead of stating it. Or completely zoom out, and go full narrator style there ā but this, I believe will also feel awkward. Then the re-appearance of the redhead (vampire?) and the return of the brackets, which are again like adding the narrator mixed with the protagonist's thoughts? I donāt know. Then, as the dialogue progresses you start telling instead of showing. You tell what the girl is feeling/thinking, and start telling more stuff as the bulky guy comes. It could be shown instead, which would make it much better. Usually, you want to ātellā only the stuff thatās useless for the novel. Like a quick background of a background character, thatās meaningless, and would only interrupt the flow of the plot. Here I think showing would benefit the story. The stuff about delaying could also be shown, for example by Luan getting weaker or feeling some symptoms of whatever is happening to him. There also is the consent thingy. It feels important for the story, but actually, why is there, and why should Luan care about this? It feels more like an irritating addition to the drink blood quest, which I feel the protagonist, who showed his rebellious side already, could consider ignoring. That would be it from me.
Reveal Spoiler Great writing style but I feel uncomfortable with MC as pet/servant. Even so narration of the plot is impressive. Although there are view points that is not my dish but overall it's an excellent book you started writing and hope you update frequently and it is quite new to me.
Hm... It think this book is very unique. It has a lot going for it, especially with the premise. IT can be thrown out to many different audiences... only if it is done right. It is too early to tell how this story will truly unfold. From the looks of it, I do like the description. Not chunky and doesn't take you out of the story, good. But, I will say that the lack of personality in the descriptions do make them a little boring. I also think there are a lot of double words. Words like 'His owned' or 'cold, bone chillingly cold' These words aren't needed as it is obvious by the previous one. Consider changing it. In all, this book is done very well. Keep it up author.
With just only finger-countable chaps, here we go, an honest review: Author got smooth reading flow about the writing, the emotion, the action, on weaving the plot, all good. But at some point, writing format are kinda awkward, like how u used () for thought or monologue and -, listing thing inside the novel, which is kinda not well known in wn audience. I suggest u could refer some of the top ranking novel as refer for this styling, as effort to make it more familiar and confortable to read for webnovel audience. (youre going to write in this platform, right?) Update stability, really, kindly please put more effort in writing more chaps. This good story deserve 1 chap/day stability. I know making quality work is no easy business, so alternatively u might consider 'stockpiling' as effort to reach the said stability. Overall, outstanding, the premise is also looking good and interesting. Looking forward how would you execute the story. Beside that, please work on the synopsys, it may be direct, short and nice, but extra (idk, whatever that might lure and grab attention) in it might be nicer.
I absolutely love this book. great grammar and great character designs! I can't wait to read more.
I really like the pace and the narration style .I would love to know how Luan ended up there so I added it to my library. Keep updating š¤© -kudos wilde
Interesting novel, this Luan of a person sounds interesting and the chapter one is really amazing, you should update more tho even if it's not going to be frequent.
The story has a very sudden start with no definite past of the character. It is only vaguely mentioned that character has transmigrated. We do not know much about his new environment nor the old one. Only that he is a vampire in transition. It is interesting and grows curiosity among readers. All in all, although there are only two chapters right now the story is worth reading.
So far the story is quite good, hard to say much as there are only 2 chapters. However it still managed to grip me and I am left wanting more. I've added it to my library!
Tbh I kinda like it, the story flows smooth but the transition is not good, you dont need a line of "-" or "*" to switch to different scene. but overall is pretty good š