i would suggest editing grammar mistakes, i ain't one to talk but yeah, fix it dawg
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Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
it'd be better to add a paragraph breaker so that audience know the perspective has switched or show a new location. Example being what i use, -------> -xxx-xxx-
Ivory searched everywhere, his eyes scanning the area, but no matter how much he looked, he couldn't find them, frustration began to creep in as he ventured deeper into the dangerous terrain.
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
also, bro just casually having a kill count
"Oh, I'm blushing at the attention," Vardia said, a sly grin spreading across her face, her words dripping with sarcasm, "But you're not far from us either, are you, Breezy? Back in primary school, they called you the Owl, didn't they? For your sharp observation and logical reasoning," she continued, her voice steady, yet piercing, loud enough for him to hear every word clearly, "But then you took up martial arts, boxing, wasn't it? To pay off your mother's debt, and even after all that, they took her from you, those agents from the gambling company," her words lingered, cutting through the silence like a blade, "You hunted them down, didn't you, tracked them like prey, killed them, tell me, did I get anything wrong?"
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
He's Breezy and his nickname is owl? That's crazy
"Oh, I'm blushing at the attention," Vardia said, a sly grin spreading across her face, her words dripping with sarcasm, "But you're not far from us either, are you, Breezy? Back in primary school, they called you the Owl, didn't they? For your sharp observation and logical reasoning," she continued, her voice steady, yet piercing, loud enough for him to hear every word clearly, "But then you took up martial arts, boxing, wasn't it? To pay off your mother's debt, and even after all that, they took her from you, those agents from the gambling company," her words lingered, cutting through the silence like a blade, "You hunted them down, didn't you, tracked them like prey, killed them, tell me, did I get anything wrong?"
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
placed her hand on his stomach?
Breezy tilted his head slightly to the left, his sharp right eye locking onto Luther's with a cold, unyielding focus, his gaze steady and unblinking, like a predator sizing up its prey, Luther flinched, the smallest crack in his composure, before Vardia placed a hand on his stomach, steadying him with a look of amusement, her confidence unwavering.
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
In the midst of this commotion, everyone seemed to forget the presence of Breezy, who moved forward with quiet intent, stepping closer until he was face to face with Luther and Vardia, the space between them so narrow it looked as though he might kiss them, his presence silenced the noise around him, drawing every gaze, though he appeared to notice none of it.
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
I fw with this description
Without a word, he began walking, his hands buried in his pockets, heading toward the distant shoreline where the beach stretched out endlessly, the sun lowering itself into the horizon, casting an orange glow that danced across the waves, the light reflecting against the surface of the ocean like fire meeting water, as the sound of the waves whispered in the quiet.
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
Tempest this really your mc?
I didn't understand how Carson could withstand it, if I were in his place, I'd have cracked in a second, I had to give him credit, he was stronger than I thought.
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
I didn't understand how Carson could withstand it, if I were in his place, I'd have cracked in a second, I had to give him credit, he was stronger than I thought.
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro
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original Your Dandelion
Synopsis: Takeshi Mori, a aimless 40 year Japanese man having retired early in life with riches now wonders through the empty city streets at midnight as usual wondering what to do with his life, but that is all shattered as while looking up momentarily he sees an unfathomably big eye staring down at him, with one blink to check if he's too sleep deprived he is gone in an instant. And when his eyes open again, a forest greets him as searing pain jolts him wide awake as on the back of his right hand is a branded symbol of a shield. What happened? Where is he? What is the mark on his hand and what are the increasingly loud howls and growls he can hear coming his way? Story takes place in a fantasy world called Ender with high level magic, fantastical races such as Fae, demons, angels, Undead, merfolk, beast man and more. It'll also have some romance but it'll be a slow burn and i mean SLOW burn. Also i would recommend reading the prologue to get the whole picture and not just jumping into chapter 1. And just a reminder but this is not just a story but the life of the character that is Takeshi Mori, so there isn't just random conflict constantly or too unexpected plot points and progression, i want to make it realistic as i can without boring you guys too much but it's my story so i can do whatever the hell i want. Either stay or leave. Person 1: Hey do you know where my dandelion is? Person 2: Um it's just over there. That's Your Dandelion right? Absolute Cinema: Those who know6 Chs 2 Collections
Is ivory going to take the sword and mow down the other classes and students?
Ivory Thornberg
Action · RoyTagliaferro