/ Fantasy / Your Dandelion
Synopsis
Synopsis: Takeshi Mori, a aimless 40 year Japanese man having retired early in life with riches now wonders through the empty city streets at midnight as usual wondering what to do with his life, but that is all shattered as while looking up momentarily he sees an unfathomably big eye staring down at him, with one blink to check if he's too sleep deprived he is gone in an instant.
And when his eyes open again, a forest greets him as searing pain jolts him wide awake as on the back of his right hand is a branded symbol of a shield. What happened? Where is he? What is the mark on his hand and what are the increasingly loud howls and growls he can hear coming his way?
Story takes place in a fantasy world called Ender with high level magic, fantastical races such as Fae, demons, angels, Undead, merfolk, beast man and more. It'll also have some romance but it'll be a slow burn and i mean SLOW burn. Also i would recommend reading the prologue to get the whole picture and not just jumping into chapter 1.
And just a reminder but this is not just a story but the life of the character that is Takeshi Mori, so there isn't just random conflict constantly or too unexpected plot points and progression, i want to make it realistic as i can without boring you guys too much but it's my story so i can do whatever the hell i want. Either stay or leave.
Person 1: Hey do you know where my dandelion is?
Person 2: Um it's just over there. That's Your Dandelion right?
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OMG CRIMEOWL PLS MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!! [img=Cries]................................................................................................(Natro Broke; so weary) .txt... exe.file
Your story has potential, but it’s held back by slow pacing and lack of focus. The writing spends too much time on small details, like dust or everyday actions, that don’t push the story forward. This makes the chapters feel drawn out and unfocused. The dialogue is stiff, and the characters don’t feel alive—Takeshi is too passive, and Mollie doesn’t have much personality beyond her role in the plot. The world-building is basic so far. While you introduce some interesting ideas like blessings and power systems, they aren’t explored enough to hook the reader. The setting doesn’t feel immersive—it’s there, but it doesn’t add depth to the story yet. The plot moves slowly with little urgency or stakes. Scenes like waiting for Mollie or borrowing books drag because they don’t connect to a larger goal or conflict. There’s not enough tension or excitement to keep readers invested. Overall, the story feels like it’s still finding its direction. Focus more on building strong characters, adding stakes, and making every scene matter.
Intriguing story! Takeshi Mori’s journey from midnight isolation to a magical, perilous world is gripping! Rich world-building, suspenseful twists, and a slow-burn romance—absolutely captivating for fantasy fans!
Your writing is easy to understand, but it needs some work. Some parts feel rushed, while others feel slow. Try to vary your sentence structure and show the reader what's happening instead of telling them. Your story has a good start, but it needs more conflict, plot progression, and tension. The wolf encounter is intense, but it's over quickly. Give Takeshi more challenges and agency to drive the plot forward. Takeshi is a likable character, but he needs more depth. We don't know much about his past, motivations, or desires. Make him more consistent and add moments where he learns or changes. Your world-building is strong, with a unique magic system and an intriguing setting. However, it could use more sensory details and clearer rules for Takeshi's abilities. Overall - Aki Victim
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"When there is evil in this world that justice cannot defeat, would you taint your hands with evil to defeat evil? Or would you remain steadfast and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil?"