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3.42
- Calidad de escritura
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Character with a template can't use anything from said template. Makes story altering decisions, then gets depressed because he's not participating in the story because he doesn't want to change the story. Trained from the white room, but doesn't have any training. Kills a bunch of Gangsters, but still acts like a whiny b****. This isn't a story for me.
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It started out good and the character development of him realising his responsibility is all okayish. My main problem is, MC is not using everything to it's full potential. He is in Harry Potter World, what he do? Learn dueling from Tonks, 6th year Tonks! Suppose it's to stay under radar, but still he doesn't try to explore the magic in that universe. No learning of advanced spells, ancient runes, rituals or anything. MC should atleast try to utilise something outside of his systems rewards and items. Him going to Naruto world has it's up and down. Anbu and Root ninjas are constantly monitoring, especially after war. MC going there without sufficient strength, where some can kill him even before he can think about using his skills. He should be more cautious or experience some setback to realise his mistakes. Well it's just my opinion, otherwise great work. All the best Author.
Revelar spoiler
The writing is good the story line is good, but sometimes it's meh. I won't say it's a 5 star story but I have gotten interested enough in the story that i want to see where the story leads. Also points to be noted Don't use the same words phrases too many times. Also don't try to stretch the plot unnecessarily like you wanted to do With the first world to stay until the very end there's no use of it. Also World Hop more frequently.
The writing and characters lack depth and emotion. It’s like eating boiled broccoli—sure, it’s healthy, but there’s no flavor to savor. Similarly, while the English is technically sound, the story itself feels bland and lifeless, offering nothing to truly engage or excite
Way of writing is comfortable to read, Character development! Well it's good but he can be a little more firm. Like in hogwarts Arthur took a little too much time to decide to take action or not But All in all plot was good Best of luck 👍
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2.8/5 4|4|2|1|2| The writing is decent. || can't say much abt updates for now (rewrite). ||unreasonable badly executed nerfs, edging XD, || unlikeable, dumb rtard of an mc that throws tantrums and whines in every other chap. || meh||
Good enough. MC is improving, although he was very passive until a few chapters ago.
this is for authors to improve, you are using too much Ai, it is ending ur sentences in flowery words that no one would like, for people who have no idea how ai writes it's ok but people who work with ai (most of the people on this platform) to edit / translate novels would be the first ones to point it out. although you did try to cut the access lines even so it looks as though that you are not doing enough, 2nd please don't use such seriousness sentence, and words like it would change his future, the trials to come. sentence like these please stop writing them every 2 chapters. although this too is mostly because of ai. I would suggest you write a chapter on your own and then copy past it to your preferred ai, and just tell it to edit the words and correct the grammar and typos. this would ensure that you create your own writing style and people get something worthwhile. the storyline is good tho. and get ur facts straight. the Veritaserum would put people in daze and most likely the person would effectied would only get precise answers to the question they have not have full blown conversation with the people around them. sniper seriously??? you do realise that you need to look at the eyes to aim right??? that was just dumb man, please fix that. anyhow don't take it to heart, I don't usually write reviews but iIwanted to see your story so I am giving my honest opinion that would help you out. it's batter to improve these things for the long run.
Yeat 2 makes the story way better, it uses the lack of purpose that Arthur had as a key point in his development and shows content in the world, not just a narration of him trying to not interfere. 7.5/10 The .5 is because y2 is still being developed, its going well, so if it ends well, it would be an 8
So...... I have been following you work since the first fic. The story had it's ups and downs but was enjoyable. I know you have a stack ready for future updates but the Current story has become too monotonous. If possible just make sure that in his 3rd year he has his first world hop. Please pay attention to gacha too. The gacha must be meaningful and never...... I repeat NEVER ever give out useless rewards. It can be anything from a set of clothes to systems. The gacha must not not give some dirt or rusted nails,etc. It MUST be something useful. Even a dull sword has it's own uses. Again, love the story but it can always be better, so try your best.
So for me right now its decent. The main character at thr start was the mist annoying and incompetent character I've ever read about. but acter like 10 chapters all that whiny talk was gone and well he was still whiny but atleast its not in my face. Also the main characters motivation is still pretty cheap right now. But I think to solidify it just give him some sort of event that can make him truly test himself and just don't rush it you have all the time in the world.
3 times the charm right? Well the fic starts weird, you dont know the mc motives or anything until that weird chapter, then it keeps being weird because the mc doesnt change anything about the story? There are maybe 3 or 4 interactions with the other characters, and none of them have an impact in the mc, well, apart from Tonks, which is actually an enjoyable character. All in all a 6/10
Ugh.. the original version of this story had a much better premise. Not only is the mc here a burgeoning edgelord, he’s incredibly close to just being a villian. You gave a character that’s suppose to have Arthur’s memory’s and powers to a person who isn’t even close to what Arthur encapsulates as a person. Unless the mc was just so evil that it took Arthur to even him out to neutral, then I don’t think the character works at all.
[img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap] To Early but boring... I don't like passive protagonist.... And flat no emotions
Revelar spoiler
story alright so far . I really hope that the author doesn't make the mc eage lord .mc doesn't have a goal, which is a problem . overall, 6.5 / 10 will see what the author does in the future and which world does he visit
[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
one off the worst fanfics i've come across, i advise that the author take it down and fixes the first 20 chapters at least and best remake it completely. the start it terrible as he lossed 360 rolls to skip the 10 years which just screams amature writter starting something too big for them to handle, there is great promise in the story if it is re-written
Character with a template can't use anything from said template. Makes story altering decisions, then gets depressed because he's not participating in the story because he doesn't want to change the story. Trained from the white room, but doesn't have any training. Kills a bunch of Gangsters, but still acts like a whiny b****. This isn't a story for me.
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
It started out good and the character development of him realising his responsibility is all okayish. My main problem is, MC is not using everything to it's full potential. He is in Harry Potter World, what he do? Learn dueling from Tonks, 6th year Tonks! Suppose it's to stay under radar, but still he doesn't try to explore the magic in that universe. No learning of advanced spells, ancient runes, rituals or anything. MC should atleast try to utilise something outside of his systems rewards and items. Him going to Naruto world has it's up and down. Anbu and Root ninjas are constantly monitoring, especially after war. MC going there without sufficient strength, where some can kill him even before he can think about using his skills. He should be more cautious or experience some setback to realise his mistakes. Well it's just my opinion, otherwise great work. All the best Author.
Revelar spoiler The writing is good the story line is good, but sometimes it's meh. I won't say it's a 5 star story but I have gotten interested enough in the story that i want to see where the story leads. Also points to be noted Don't use the same words phrases too many times. Also don't try to stretch the plot unnecessarily like you wanted to do With the first world to stay until the very end there's no use of it. Also World Hop more frequently.
The writing and characters lack depth and emotion. It’s like eating boiled broccoli—sure, it’s healthy, but there’s no flavor to savor. Similarly, while the English is technically sound, the story itself feels bland and lifeless, offering nothing to truly engage or excite
Way of writing is comfortable to read, Character development! Well it's good but he can be a little more firm. Like in hogwarts Arthur took a little too much time to decide to take action or not But All in all plot was good Best of luck 👍
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
2.8/5 4|4|2|1|2| The writing is decent. || can't say much abt updates for now (rewrite). ||unreasonable badly executed nerfs, edging XD, || unlikeable, dumb rtard of an mc that throws tantrums and whines in every other chap. || meh||
Good enough. MC is improving, although he was very passive until a few chapters ago.
this is for authors to improve, you are using too much Ai, it is ending ur sentences in flowery words that no one would like, for people who have no idea how ai writes it's ok but people who work with ai (most of the people on this platform) to edit / translate novels would be the first ones to point it out. although you did try to cut the access lines even so it looks as though that you are not doing enough, 2nd please don't use such seriousness sentence, and words like it would change his future, the trials to come. sentence like these please stop writing them every 2 chapters. although this too is mostly because of ai. I would suggest you write a chapter on your own and then copy past it to your preferred ai, and just tell it to edit the words and correct the grammar and typos. this would ensure that you create your own writing style and people get something worthwhile. the storyline is good tho. and get ur facts straight. the Veritaserum would put people in daze and most likely the person would effectied would only get precise answers to the question they have not have full blown conversation with the people around them. sniper seriously??? you do realise that you need to look at the eyes to aim right??? that was just dumb man, please fix that. anyhow don't take it to heart, I don't usually write reviews but iIwanted to see your story so I am giving my honest opinion that would help you out. it's batter to improve these things for the long run.
Yeat 2 makes the story way better, it uses the lack of purpose that Arthur had as a key point in his development and shows content in the world, not just a narration of him trying to not interfere. 7.5/10 The .5 is because y2 is still being developed, its going well, so if it ends well, it would be an 8
So...... I have been following you work since the first fic. The story had it's ups and downs but was enjoyable. I know you have a stack ready for future updates but the Current story has become too monotonous. If possible just make sure that in his 3rd year he has his first world hop. Please pay attention to gacha too. The gacha must be meaningful and never...... I repeat NEVER ever give out useless rewards. It can be anything from a set of clothes to systems. The gacha must not not give some dirt or rusted nails,etc. It MUST be something useful. Even a dull sword has it's own uses. Again, love the story but it can always be better, so try your best.
So for me right now its decent. The main character at thr start was the mist annoying and incompetent character I've ever read about. but acter like 10 chapters all that whiny talk was gone and well he was still whiny but atleast its not in my face. Also the main characters motivation is still pretty cheap right now. But I think to solidify it just give him some sort of event that can make him truly test himself and just don't rush it you have all the time in the world.
3 times the charm right? Well the fic starts weird, you dont know the mc motives or anything until that weird chapter, then it keeps being weird because the mc doesnt change anything about the story? There are maybe 3 or 4 interactions with the other characters, and none of them have an impact in the mc, well, apart from Tonks, which is actually an enjoyable character. All in all a 6/10
Ugh.. the original version of this story had a much better premise. Not only is the mc here a burgeoning edgelord, he’s incredibly close to just being a villian. You gave a character that’s suppose to have Arthur’s memory’s and powers to a person who isn’t even close to what Arthur encapsulates as a person. Unless the mc was just so evil that it took Arthur to even him out to neutral, then I don’t think the character works at all.
[img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap] To Early but boring... I don't like passive protagonist.... And flat no emotions
Revelar spoiler story alright so far . I really hope that the author doesn't make the mc eage lord .mc doesn't have a goal, which is a problem . overall, 6.5 / 10 will see what the author does in the future and which world does he visit
[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]
one off the worst fanfics i've come across, i advise that the author take it down and fixes the first 20 chapters at least and best remake it completely. the start it terrible as he lossed 360 rolls to skip the 10 years which just screams amature writter starting something too big for them to handle, there is great promise in the story if it is re-written