Synopsis
One day Dawson Sen was in a hurry to get to school and was nearly hit by a bus. However, when he looks to see the bus that almost hit him there was no bus, rather it was a rift in spacetime which appeared in its place. An entrance to another dimension, without being given a chance to investigate he is pulled into the portal. On the other side of the portal was... ---------- Chat with the author and get sneak previews: http://tiny.cc/DJLWNC (DJL=DeJeL... WN=WebNovel... C=Chat) A shout out to my cover's creator: yaoyueyi-Author of Power Up, Artist Yang! https://www.webnovel.com/book/11701767605489305/Power-Up%2C-Artist-Yang! A shout out to a fellow author who gave me a shout out in her synopsis: Ballisti-Author of God's and Glory https://www.webnovel.com/book/11206156105298305/Gods-and-Glory
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43Reviews
4.22
- Writing Quality
- Stability of Updates
- Story Development
- Character Design
- World Background
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Writing style, at least in the beginning, is kinda cramped with long blocks of text - Though it does get better at chapter 5. Really enjoyed the world building and character design, though I found the dialogue weird sometimes.
Because this novel is a masterpiece of this world, and on other planes of existence, without compare and I am not worthy of writing a review on it. I have decided to write a review of the requirements for a reader to partake in this enlightened-dragon-master-godly work. **Interpolation Requirement: 70** . If you, the reader, are unable to consume line after line of text, insert commas, full stops, attribute voice and interpolate on the fly you will not be able to follow this story. This is not the fault of the author. It is yours for not being of adequate interpolation level. Please go and read forty thousands chapters of machine translated novels and return to attempt again if you cannot comprehend the magnitude of these works. **Cipher Level Requirement: 67** . If the reader is experiencing difficulties working out what just happened and you read the section over again. And again and you finally think you know what has happened. If this is you. You need more training. You have not reached the cipher level requirement to enjoy this masterpiece. This work is beyond you acolyte. The masterpiece does not need to explain to you why Carmen loves Dawson unconditionally immediately nor why they are cousins or she is an angel who knows about the bible and won't explain. No... It is your task to decipher this information. No novel for you today. Come back tomorrow. . **Interpretation Level Requirement: Ninth Gate of the Elder Dragon** . If a reader is unable to open the nine gates of the elder dragon reading they will not be able to interpret and comprehend this work. Skully the disembodied floating undead skull who has lived for forty centuries, who starting reading hieroglyphics as a child's finger bone is struggling. You mere mortal have no chance. Even with the aid of chapter 2 character descriptions, (which you can edit? please don't troll this section) because adding descriptions of characters into the story is beneath the Master. That is the domain of mere mortals. As a test, if you are unable to comprehend this review. Go. Read another billion words. Unless you can read with your eyes closed and you can see Mount Tai from the inside of your eyelids you are not ready for this fiction. Suggestion to Author regarding equipment: I think you need to replace your keyboard. The enter key, comma and full stop keys are only working twenty percent of the time.
I am not a fan of reading the 1st person perspective story so this review is entirely done on Cha 1. 1. mix of tenses (would prefer to read the story on past tense) 2. overused words (then, just, have) 3. Should rewrite a few sentences such as "I go to the girls' room, knock on the closed door, no answer." 4. Need writing style improvement like me T.T but if the author continues with his/her work, would eventually learn it. So, please keep working hard. :P As for the story, character, world development, there isn't much to say on the cha 1 since it only the begin. A bit information on the MC before he transmigrates to another world along with his sweetheart. However, the story seems readable and should check it out if you like the 1st person narrative story with transmigration plot.
The novel is really good, just not my Type. There is plot, too much plotarmor. Incest is wincest too, a little bit rushed, characters nicly done but a little bit too much cringe xd idk it could just be me. I had the feeling its too Smooth. Like i said a good novel just not my Type xd
Okay so here I see comments about your writing style being a little weird but when you start reading something intriguing that makes the mistakes a little unnoticeable. You novel combines your resourcefulness and creativity! Well, I'm not a fan of fantasy novels (I know what a weirdo I am) xD but this novel gripped me a little despite the fact that the chapters were long or is that I write very short chaps! but your vocab is fine and the background design is stable. Keep writing! ^^ x
The writing quality can definitely be improved. The updates of 1 chapter a week will be problem for us 'Chapter craving individuals.' But it's understandable as it is a new book? And everyone has their own things to do. The story was good, just needed a little bit of improvement in writing. (The first few chapters.) Im not really a fan of early romance and different POVs. I hope you will continue writing and improving. The story has potential, keep working hard. FIGHTING!
Writing quality: 3/5 * The first few chapters were a nightmare to read, especially on a mobile device, because of the good ol' wall o' text. Fortunately later chapters got better. * The style of writing dialogue, with the character name in parentheses at the end of each line, weirds me out. It feels like some one was spying on the characters and transcribing everything they say, and I'm reading that transcript. BUT if you were going for the style of Japanese web novel then please ignore what I just wrote. Stability of Updates: 5/5 Seems stable enough Story Development: 2/5 Because of the writing style, it's really hard to see where the story is progressing. It just seems... whimsical to me, somehow. The POV shift also seems random an arbitrary. Character Design: 3/5 I seriously cannot tell many of the female characters apart. Maybe you should think more about sprinkling their description, action and mannerism between dialogue. World Background: 2/5 Most of the time it feels like a sitcom. I'm watching characters interacting with each other in a room, without the feeling of a larger world. Characters do mention a generic sounding fantasy world, but most of the time I cannot tell what kind of details that world possesses. You seem really passionate about this work. So I hope you'll keep improving!!!
At first glance, I wouldn't say this novel is good. In fact, it's even a little bad. However, reading on, I could tell that there's a good amount of passion poured into the story, even though the execution can be somewhat clumsy. In this novel, the flaws are many. For starters, the dialogue are all cluttered into the same paragraph, making it difficult to tell who's talking during any given scene. Thankfully that is fixed in later chapters but it really made it difficult for me to get into the story at the beginning. Next is the story. Early on, the flow of the story is quite a bit of a mess, with far too many things going on to follow. It feels like the author is a little too impatient when writing, cramming way too much story elements and exposition with hardly any space for me to breathe when reading them. It was as if I've been put onto a roller-coaster ride that runs at full speed from the beginning and then just kept getting faster and faster. Thankfully, up to the point I have read, there are signs of things slowing down and the story having a better pacing. All in all, this story have some interesting ideas that are unfortunately not executed all that well in the beginning. But, as I read on, I can certainly see improvements happening steadily. Hopefully, in future chapters, the author learns to be a little more patient and slow down a little. If that is done, I think there'll be a lot more space to flesh out the ideas being presented and making them even more enjoyable to read.
Alright, Like the above status said, I made this review at the 8th chapter. I don't want to go through what other people already mentioned since I believe the point has already been on a few things I consider secondary on webnovels. I gotta mention this since I've dropped a lot of novels translated or not; the amount of text walls and spacing from the first few chapters really pushed my buttons. I read somewhere that there was a reason for it to be explained in the future chapters but that made me stop and take a break to make myself happy again before diving in for another read. This is especially worse when I tried reading it on my phone. Though it gets better after chapter 5. (lining spacing lining spacing) Though after chapter 5, the author notes at the beginning kind of throws me off. Maybe it's just my own preference but announcing something that is going to happen takes a lot out of whatever surprise I would have enjoyed getting or realizing as I continue reading. Next would be the identification of whoever is speaking. You can either just do a ****** format like [Dawson: i said this or that] or ["i said this or that" Dawson said with a straight face.] It would give more for the readers to imagine especially since the novel is descriptive of it's characters. Also, If you're not dead set on the format of announcing the change whenever point of views change, you can change it for a better transition. like instead of [Point of view -- Dawson] to something like, [Dawson, Castle grounds, 5pm] or something else you can come up with. Because readers don't like to be told things that are blatantly obvious. (I've had a bad experience with this but that may just be my own preference) It's a very interesting read and I look forward to more chapters. It's just that I'm the type to binge and would hate it if I stopped at somewhere really good so I would wait til this gets a lot more chapters before I continue further.
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I haven't read the book yet but i do have advice you could use you could try editing slowly over a long time so you can get your book to look more eye appealing slowly overtime as well as more reader friendly.
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First, i'm not English native speaker nor language expert, so i will not talking much about grammar or structure, well, there's some typo thou. From reading your novel, i think you're an author who love to use, in my term 'flowery words' like to write 'the sun is rise', you will write it as ' a giant ball of fire rise in east horizon shine its rays brilliantly' nothing wrong with that since it's your style, make your novel have its uniqueness. second, you like to make a long chapter, which not my preferences. i guess its more than 2k words each chapter? makes it rather difficult to catch the main idea in that chapter
The narrative style is a bit odd but not unreadable. And the story itself is quite fun to read. Looking forward to Dawson and Carmen's adventures.
It’s a very interesting novel. It has a unique feel to it, and I especially liked the part with your magic elements (mine are Dark, Water, Fire, Air and void). Some advice is for you to cut your paragraphs shorter. It’s not that bad when read on a pc, but on a phone or something of that sort, they are very large, making it hard to read. All in all, very good novel, I hope you continue writing it.
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Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact geekyteddyyo@gmail.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.
This review is based on 5 chaps, but I know for a fact that it gets a lot better Constructive criticism: Try learnung more about your style. As it stands, the story reads like a diary or a operation log. Work with rethoric, such as methaphors, similes, alliterations etc. Work with narration, such as MCs thoughts, and his actions on others and why he does such a thing. Try to reimagine yourself as all the character and immerse yourself in them. What I like: A lot actually. It takes an overdone setting and spins it unto a new direction. I like the PoV and si like the worldbuilding. Just from the 5 chaps anyone can see that the author follows a plan and is not writing arbitrarly
It’s an interesting read where I can see the author improving every chapter. There are very few grammatical errors, but of course there are still some problems( this will not affect the reading experience much though) The author chose a very interesting path by making the novel first person so this may or may not change your opinion on the novel. The characters are developed decently but I don’t really feel a... connection with some of them. The novel also seems to be taking a more western route. (It seems more western to me but maybe not to others) My biggest problem with the novel is it’s update schedule which seems very erratic. My suggestion is to save this in a library and wait for a while before picking it back up while also supporting the author with votes. The novel overall is very good from what I’ve read and I have no doubt that the author worked very hard on it, so keep up the good work and I will look forward to future updates.
Constructive criticism: I'm not going to go into the writing style and presentation because everyone else pointed them out already (if you could do it soon, set aside time to apply those great pointers). You have good ideas going, they're obviously going to keep coming, but you are too focused on simply dumping them out. Please take time to think about how you're going to show it to readers in a way that they'll find easy to take in and digest. Please also shift your focus away from getting new readers and think more deeply about how you could get repeat customers.
Your novel seems interesting... ill stop to Chapter 6 since ive mentioned bfore im a sucker for romance... hehe But keep up the good work and just continue what u love to do and this is ur novel so continue to deliver what u want to convey to readers with confidence. I received this comment on my novel bfore too like they are reading a wall of text. Now i understand since im reading yours thru mobile. First 5 to 6 Chapters seemed like that. Not good thru mobile reading so break your paragraphs in my opinion hehe. Anyways goodluck with ur novel/s... Cheers!
Hi there! I hope you don't take this review too negatively or get offended... To be honest, there are lots of grammatical errors found in your narration, I like the idea you put into the story itself, but please do consider using your knowledge or at least research about past, present, and future tense. Try avoiding abrupt scene changes because readers won't get what is happening in your novel... be patient and try to give a bit of a cliffhanger in every chapter to keep readers on the hook. Add more action or sensual words in order for readers to imagine the scene properly. Please do avoid using "--scene change--" because you aren't making a skit or a script... its not really necessary to put that to let people know that the scene changes.
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