Chapter 8: Chuface
The voice rang through my mind as I stood there dumbfounded. Echoes continued while I was staring at a fairly generic door, trying to move every inch of my body to wipe out the sweat, except for my feet, they knew where they belonged. The time passed, that it did, along with people, throughout the 37 minutes and 58 seconds of its materialistic representation. But not amounting the eternity that passed for me.
I was already behaving like a human that wasn't human. I was beyond what you'd call a normal human. No normal human would remember such specific timing in situations like this. Also if they did remember it, how could it feel like an eternity? It's these contradictions that cause me chronic existential crisis on a daily basis.
For example, you expected me to be a generic rom-com MC and thought I was standing there too long because I was shocked at her confession. But in reality, however, I saw that coming from miles away. Only a fool could have not seen it with the amount of hints she was giving.
The question must arise now that if I already expected this, why stay there so long? The answer to that is that I'm a weird piece on the chessboard. I'm the queen who can only move one way. Or the pawn that can kill the piece in front. Or the king that kills the piece that tries for checkmate.
That is to say, I'm a weird piece of shit. I expected her to come out so I could make her feel more uncomfortable. Never in my life have I seen a fiction dealing with the awkward moment after confession. They always skip it. The crappy writer of our story skipped it too. Too risky I guess. Morbid curiosity arose. And things happened.
That said. I cannot comprehend how showing her body to me was a way of expressing love. That woman wasn't right in the mind. If I was to say anything about her mental state. I would say she's an artificial intelligence who had the information put into her mind about how to act and feel like a human. But the creator forgot to input logical thinking. If I was a weird chess piece. She was a weird chess game that didn't have any king.
She was a bottle without water, a hand without a finger, love without a lover, a watch without a stopper. Anyone would die for that. Everyone wants someone different. Someone complete yet not complete at the same time. Someone with whom to share your own incompleteness with. Someone wild. The excitement of your mundane lives being turned upside down is enough for anyone.
So why, as a person that too is complete yet incomplete, cannot I decide?
"SHE DID WHAT?"
"Showed her body and told me she wants mine too."
Larzia Goranson's mouth was as open as it could be humanly possible. Maybe 3 or 4 millimetres wider than that too. It was a realistic portrayal of the cartoon shock moments in the most accurate way possible.
Lara was clutching her head with both hands trying to make sense of it all. I felt bad for her, the joke went a little too far I presumed. Although it wasn't that far off from the truth.
"I'm kidding. Lara confessed to me."
Her mouth opened again, wider. I think I did something wrong there. To be honest, the word 'confess' didn't truly convey the meaning of the situation, making it sound like she confessed her crimes in a murder mystery. Maybe it is a mystery without murder. Or maybe there was murder involved. No one knew.
Who dunnit was revealed. That left out how and whydunnit. That was pretty clear to me not because I was a great detective, but because I was the victim. However, miss chuface here didn't know those details. Hence the extreme reaction.
She held that for approximately 3 minutes before changing her posture on the red-coloured wooden bench. Palms hiding her face. Finally mustering up the courage after another 3 minutes of being a stone sculpture, she asked hesitantly.
"The body part was a lie right?"
"No"
"Stop lying using your shameless imaginations. Why would she do that?"
"There is a reason I told you this. I'm not Einstein either."
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know."
"Stop saying bullshit if you don't know."
"That wasn't bullshit. I wish it was."
"What?"
"What?"
"Ok forget it. Let's go back to the confession part."
"We weren't talking about it?"
"We were talking about it?"
"...."
"..."
"So...what were we talking about?"
".....Einstein?"
"Huh?"
"Huh?.....Nevermind."
"....."
"Let's get back to the topic. Tell me what she did after you went inside. Tell me every last detail you could remember."
"So I went in and hid inside her closet. She went for shower. Came out barely clothed..."
"Hah, she wasn't completely naked then.", She sighed with satisfaction. I decided women logic about what's proper and improper was completely off the charts bat shit crazy.
"She went to study with those clothes....no wait she studied before the shower...but why would you go to bath after studying which you did after coming back from college?... I think it was after...but those clothes...."
"What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"
"Why me? Also, why are you saying this now?"
"Just... go on."
"Oh yeah, she put on clothes since she found me hiding in the closet."
"She slapped you right? Because, honestly, you deserved it."
"I told you. She showed me her body intentionally. Why would she slap me?"
"...."
The mouth hole was wider than ever.
"Why're you staring at me like that? Did you not listen to the first thing I said when we started talking?"
"I....thought..... nevermind go on."
"She then starts crying and tells me she loves me.
"Also she shoves me out of her room.
"Oh, and she did that before calling me a clueless fuck or something.
"Telling me that was the reason for the body show. How do I even make sense out of this?"
Her mouth didn't need to be gaped wide for me to realise how much shock she was dealing with. Her eyes made her look broken from the inside.
The uncrowded windless unserene soundless blessedly mindless mysteriously passionless ineffably undramatically unutterable silence went on for an obtrusively perennial amount of time before anyone dare spoke.
"Ignoring the thing about her body-trust me it's taking a lot to do even just that-let's talk about what you feel about the situation."
"I'm a man first, her friend second. I couldn't control my erection.", I confessed shamelessly.
"Motherfucker I'm talking about her confession."
"Ohhhh...."
"Yeah....."
"Bleh, I don't know. I did have a crush on her for a while. But that got crushed as I got proposed instead. I guess I'm a masochist who prefers things not going his way and feel disappointed when it does go his way. I mean look at you. I love you the most only when you have your boyfriend, yet didn't have the feelings when you were single."
"YOU LOVE WHO?", She seemed genuinely shocked...
Wait...fuck...did I just...
"I thought you knew already."
"How would I know that? You never told me?"
"You checked the chats of every person I proposed to right?"
"You never said anything about me....oh wait you did. In every one of them."
"Of course. How do you not even get that?"
"How was I supposed to know that I was this 'special' person of yours? You're too cryptic. It's like you get sadistic pleasure from making people as confused as possible..."
We both realised something at the exact same time. It was soooooo embarrassing. Ahhhhh, kill me already. Why did I have to say it? I want to die.
It was mindbreakingly embarrassing. So embarrassing that.... that....
I even forgot my analogies. I wish I had never been born. I wish I had a time watch or drawer. Please God, even though I'm an atheist, let me go back in time. This mess was way too complicated to get out of without any talking. So I gathered some courage to look up.
Lara was embarrassed too. But looked rather sad. My chest started to feel heavy. I regretted everything. Every sentence. I was too careless. I wish she wouldn't look like that. I looked away. Finally, she spoke.
"Leo. I'm sorry...."
"Stop.... Don't say things like you're sorry for hurting me and you wish the things were different or that you'd love me if they were indeed different. It won't happen in this world. Not untill you're willing to leave the person you love. So the only thing a thing like that would do is raise my expectations. I can't have that. I don't want you to break my heart with your kindness. That's what I love about you the most. You can't just destroy that love by being unnecessarily kind."
Warm liquid fell from the corner of my eyes obstructing my vision. Honestly how emotional can I truly be? I put myself up as a man without emotions. And here I was crying for this ultimately meaningless moment.
Everything was blurry so I couldn't see it when she put my head on her chest, which felt sexual for a while until it didn't. Then she spoke in a motherly caring voice.
"This changes nothing. I promise this changes nothing about the way I'll treat you. I will make you believe this was a dream. You never told me this. So I could just take care of my stupid little manchild I consider my closest friend without putting barriers of unrequited love between us. I won't say anything beyond that creating false expectations. This is just honest truth."
"You're adorable.", We both chuckled. I cried harder as the force of these heavy words struck my emotional cords. Fucking hell, how whimpy am I? She was right about the manchild part.
"I have made my decision. I will say yes. To Xorgasta, I mean."
She looked genuinely happy. That kind of hurt a little. It could have meant she was going to reject me before I stopped her, or it could mean she was genuinely happy her friend could be happy without her having to compromise. Either could be true. But I wanted the latter to be. No, it was more like I wanted the former to be false. Oh boi, I feel horrible for Xorgasta.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone