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Im a new writer, so theres not much critical analysis i can give, but i really enjoy the style of writing this author has. This is the kind of stuff i came here to read. Everything feels weighty and crafted, like a James Cameron movie, yet the construction is light. Ill probably finish this series first.
An interesting beginning to what promises to be an exciting work. The author's Otto is a fully-fledged character with emotions and depth, which is a welcome development. The story has promise and it will be interesting to see how it progresses. My only complaint would be the grammar, as there are confusing uses of words and other errors that take away from the enjoyment of the piece,
The writing is s.u.p.e.r.b and it's really good written story. Little to no grammar mistake and I find the writing here to be at professional standard. Technical writing wise, everything is well described, from characters, emotions, places and especially the way the way the writer described skills and actions is top notch. You could see the effort the writer put on this aspect, as a reader I tend to like great detail in story and he's done great job in describing things especially game-kind of things such as ability, skills and attributes. Everything is detailed making easy for readers to feel the atmosphere. For me personally, as I'm not into another world/Isekai kind of story, I think the story development has been good so far, I think the writer has grasped the correct pace for a fantasy story. Characters are well written and the way the they're introduced and portrayed is pretty great. Otto is a cool and quite level-headed main character. So far aside from Otto, Atter and Elizabeth are the best. Elizabeth is such a strong and really interesting character, she compliments Otto very well, It would be really nice if Otto ends up with her only. The premise itself is quite good I as it has neat synopsis and intriguing first chapter. Though I've to say that cover is a big no, believe me good cover will bring you more readers. If anything, I found some paragraphs are too long/thick and pretty hard to read. And about the restriction of this book. Here could reach webnovel editor through the link below to get it whitelisted. Discord: https://discord.gg/ZBhZYNp Or Editor Discord: Hao#1987 Overall it's good reading experience and well, good luck.
I have a thing for names. If a person did not even care to name the characters right, I won't even read that novel. this one though, I like all the way. I like the genre, I like the characters, I like the way every thing set up. Well done author. I will keep reading. If you like the game genre, but reality, try it, it's very good. I think I found a keeper for my library.
From reading this, you can tell there was a lot of effort put into this novel. The writing quality is flawless, scenes are described with precision, and every character is unique and all have their own defining qualities. This is a good novel and I recommend it!
I'm not sure how to exactly describe this story. It was an exciting read and made me want to read more and more and befoe I knew it; I was pulled in. Both the world-building and its characters are interestingly made and deserve praise. The writing is very good and there isnt a lot to complain about, all in all, a job well done.
This is such a great read! The world background is well described, and the flow of the story is just right. The first chapter was so heartbreaking as the way you portrayed the emotions of the ML and his circumstances were fascinating. Then the next chapters kept me reading and wanting to know more, though I have to say that I felt a bit confused reading some paragraphs, I have to re-read some of them again to get the complete meaning. Anyway, I loved the interaction with Ater, it is so funny, and the ML personality is really cool, I like he is so level-headed even in that strange situation. Great job, Author!
Okay, here is my review so far, but I shall be reading more! This is a book I don't think anyone should miss out on. I love how detailed the plot is- it develops slowly enough for the story to unfold before you without getting confused, and provides you with so many twists and turns that make you want to keep reading. The writing style is insanely detailed, and I feel so immersed reading about the little habits of the characters, their thoughts, and even their perspective of the world around them. Ater and Otto are such a dynamic duo, and it is such a pleasure to read so beautifully scripted characters. I laughed so much. Elizabeth too is a really strong female character, and compliments Otto very nicely! There is so much to love about this, from the world building, right down to the little character details. Author, you have done a fantastic job
This one really surprised me. It grabbed me and pulled me in more than any "isekai"-type stoy has in such a long time. The character interactions are just top-notch. All-in-all, the author has done a wonderful job - I see they're also quite young so... They may be - what I'd consider - talented. So, here goes: The Great: How surprised was I to find a story on Webnovel with some competent flow. The descriptions are not only lovingly crafted, but done with an expert eye for detail. It's nice to see. And, best of all? They're trimmed neatly and not at all cumbersome. The characters, also. Wow. The dialogue in particular is pleasant, bringing a smile to my face as I read it. There's a buoyant sense of joy to every scene with Ater and Otto in it. Needs Consideration: Ensure that the video-game world is balanced and follows the rules that you set out. I can see this breaking to the point the power-scaling becomes broken if the MC isn't a) kept in check, and b) doesn't follow the established rules of the world. Needs Immediate Action: Paragraph structure. Lord Sputnik also pointed this out. It can break the flow of reading and force a reader to double-back when paragraph structure is out of whack. Dialogue sometimes takes place halfway through a paragraph and that's really no good. Also, Otto's dialogue comes across... Younger than he's portrayed? Idk. I just had a weird feeling he was older. Oh well. Great work!
The Good: Writing quality is great, the characters are all very well executed. The world the author is trying to create is fairly immersive and the way the author builds it really draws one in. I also enjoy longer chapters. The Bad: Paragraph structure is a bit thick making it difficult to read. Using a bunch of words from other languages and keeping their meanings is overkill. Nobody needs a footnote that's almost as long as a chapter to explain the meaning of words. The story is very interesting, but it's hard to find unless you force yourself to slow down and read into it some. The Neutral: Has plenty of potential! I personally feel like the powers are very unbalanced and not in the traditional "Overpowered MC" kind of way. That's just my thoughts though, don't take it to heart. Regardless, great work and hope you keep it up.
Brooo this is great :D I really like the beginning since it started with something that I'd say pretty unique, and the info was given step-by-step instead of dumped at us, the readers :D Also, the author did a really great job with descriptions, especially when explaining the events and the environment :3 I also really really love how the author portrayed emotions! :D The characters are very well-written, I like that each of them has their own personality, and they react pretty realistically to this absurd situation they were thrown into. I'll try to keep the spoilers minimum, but I like how the author used country-specific names and incorporated certain cultures into their personality :3 me likey! <3 Also, the strawberry pudding is cute :3 I can't say much about the grammar and stuff bc I'm not an expert, but I certainly did enjoy this book! :D Great job, author! <3
This seems to be a nice story, but the thing that made me feel weird is the fact that you write chapter number at the title. I think you are new at this job, but don't worry, everyone has done this thing to one or two novels. The character seems to be alright. One mana per bullet seems to be a broken system cause if someone had infinite mana, it will be totally overpowered. Carry on, and you will probably have your story featured one day.
This novel was lit! An amazing piece of art! With more perseverance and hard work, this novel will have a bright future! I like the characters and their touching story and background. A recommended read for me!
I'm after reading chapter sixth but I have to rant a bit, so I'm gonna split the review into two parts. The judgement, and then ranting with a bit of pointer for the author. The judgement! (Behold!): The story starts great. The mood is delivered easily, and characters are so damn quickly fleshed out, that they feel real (that's a talent right there). Conversations with sister, then with the cat are solid 5/5. Interesting, entertaining, real. Really great job. The same with the story. The first two chapters give you a promise of something great, but then unfortunately the ball is dropped... Rant part: You (the Author) drop the ball! You lose the flow of the story, make tons of mistakes that you previously weren't doing. And it's not just the grammar mistakes (you can fix them easily), but rather tons of other things. I feel like you are pounding each sentence into the story. Your descriptions fall off. There is no sense of passing time, and you don't stick to your world-building. Everybody has a familiar, but suddenly there is only a cat and an owl. You have tons of other characters, but the animals stay in the number of two. Now a word about characters. Don't put so many (named ones!) of them when they are not important. You just flood your readers with names, and they can't remember them, which introduces chaos into the story. The reader needs to be able to keep understanding what is going on. Now about the behaviors. Why Elizabeth is eating poisoned food when she is informed by Otto, that it's poisoned? It's not like she knew the other people for years and is trusting them, right? Would you eat candy from a stranger? If she does that because she is hungry, you don't provide that information for readers. In that case, you have to pound that information into your readers, so they can feel for your character, and agree with the choice. For me it's irrational. They have been there for me, I have no idea how long. It feels like 30 minutes at most. Then there is Ater ( The cat?). He tries to hide his identity, pretends to be a cat, then he suddenly throws the whole masquerade and starts talking. Why? Stick to your world-building. Make notes if you have to. I currently have 27 pages of them for my story. It really helps. Now about the background. It was your weakest point in the first chapter, which for me was almost perfect. The only weak point was the scenery. You describe it, but only partially. You wrote this: "Otto Kattering blinked and looked at the falling sunset. Beautiful scenery, but a still-sad disposition could be the only thing that described it." Then few paragraphs later, you wrote this: "Beth and Otto stood near the edge of the water, legs hanging over the boarding area as their feet felt the cool waters" Why you don't establish the scenery in one place? You should combine this, and your readers would have a clear image of what's going on from the start. You cant paint the picture, then suddenly add another part. That's not how the imagination works. Somewhere I read that good description should start with the light, just as you did, because that's the first thing we see. Then the most standing out elements. Then the sound, then the smell. From general stuff, to specific. Of course, this is not a recipe for the cake, so use it as you think is the correct way for you. Now the most important thing that would benefit your writing ( I believe). Read what you write. After finishing a paragraph, read it, then fix it. All people do it, especially pro writers. I think you stopped doing it after the two first chapters, and the quality of your story started to decline. Btw. The first sentence of your story: "'Otto', Otto stared at the person calling him name". His name. It's a small thing, not really important. But this sentence: "'We can't leave her, she's in our party,' Otto argued back, not really an argument rather a point, 'Her skill might be interesting to see in action. It'd be a waste.' Ater grumbled." "not really an argument rather a point" - this shouldn't exist. It has no point, no purpose, only disrupts your story. I'm rambling this hard because I believe you have a talent, so don't take it personally. Your first chapters were the best I have read so far on this site. You really had me in those two first chapters, but then... Anyway. I hope those words will help you improve. Good luck with your writing endeavors!
Reveal Spoiler Im a new writer, so theres not much critical analysis i can give, but i really enjoy the style of writing this author has. This is the kind of stuff i came here to read. Everything feels weighty and crafted, like a James Cameron movie, yet the construction is light. Ill probably finish this series first.
An interesting beginning to what promises to be an exciting work. The author's Otto is a fully-fledged character with emotions and depth, which is a welcome development. The story has promise and it will be interesting to see how it progresses. My only complaint would be the grammar, as there are confusing uses of words and other errors that take away from the enjoyment of the piece,
The writing is s.u.p.e.r.b and it's really good written story. Little to no grammar mistake and I find the writing here to be at professional standard. Technical writing wise, everything is well described, from characters, emotions, places and especially the way the way the writer described skills and actions is top notch. You could see the effort the writer put on this aspect, as a reader I tend to like great detail in story and he's done great job in describing things especially game-kind of things such as ability, skills and attributes. Everything is detailed making easy for readers to feel the atmosphere. For me personally, as I'm not into another world/Isekai kind of story, I think the story development has been good so far, I think the writer has grasped the correct pace for a fantasy story. Characters are well written and the way the they're introduced and portrayed is pretty great. Otto is a cool and quite level-headed main character. So far aside from Otto, Atter and Elizabeth are the best. Elizabeth is such a strong and really interesting character, she compliments Otto very well, It would be really nice if Otto ends up with her only. The premise itself is quite good I as it has neat synopsis and intriguing first chapter. Though I've to say that cover is a big no, believe me good cover will bring you more readers. If anything, I found some paragraphs are too long/thick and pretty hard to read. And about the restriction of this book. Here could reach webnovel editor through the link below to get it whitelisted. Discord: https://discord.gg/ZBhZYNp Or Editor Discord: Hao#1987 Overall it's good reading experience and well, good luck.
I have a thing for names. If a person did not even care to name the characters right, I won't even read that novel. this one though, I like all the way. I like the genre, I like the characters, I like the way every thing set up. Well done author. I will keep reading. If you like the game genre, but reality, try it, it's very good. I think I found a keeper for my library.
From reading this, you can tell there was a lot of effort put into this novel. The writing quality is flawless, scenes are described with precision, and every character is unique and all have their own defining qualities. This is a good novel and I recommend it!
I'm not sure how to exactly describe this story. It was an exciting read and made me want to read more and more and befoe I knew it; I was pulled in. Both the world-building and its characters are interestingly made and deserve praise. The writing is very good and there isnt a lot to complain about, all in all, a job well done.
This is such a great read! The world background is well described, and the flow of the story is just right. The first chapter was so heartbreaking as the way you portrayed the emotions of the ML and his circumstances were fascinating. Then the next chapters kept me reading and wanting to know more, though I have to say that I felt a bit confused reading some paragraphs, I have to re-read some of them again to get the complete meaning. Anyway, I loved the interaction with Ater, it is so funny, and the ML personality is really cool, I like he is so level-headed even in that strange situation. Great job, Author!
Okay, here is my review so far, but I shall be reading more! This is a book I don't think anyone should miss out on. I love how detailed the plot is- it develops slowly enough for the story to unfold before you without getting confused, and provides you with so many twists and turns that make you want to keep reading. The writing style is insanely detailed, and I feel so immersed reading about the little habits of the characters, their thoughts, and even their perspective of the world around them. Ater and Otto are such a dynamic duo, and it is such a pleasure to read so beautifully scripted characters. I laughed so much. Elizabeth too is a really strong female character, and compliments Otto very nicely! There is so much to love about this, from the world building, right down to the little character details. Author, you have done a fantastic job
This one really surprised me. It grabbed me and pulled me in more than any "isekai"-type stoy has in such a long time. The character interactions are just top-notch. All-in-all, the author has done a wonderful job - I see they're also quite young so... They may be - what I'd consider - talented. So, here goes: The Great: How surprised was I to find a story on Webnovel with some competent flow. The descriptions are not only lovingly crafted, but done with an expert eye for detail. It's nice to see. And, best of all? They're trimmed neatly and not at all cumbersome. The characters, also. Wow. The dialogue in particular is pleasant, bringing a smile to my face as I read it. There's a buoyant sense of joy to every scene with Ater and Otto in it. Needs Consideration: Ensure that the video-game world is balanced and follows the rules that you set out. I can see this breaking to the point the power-scaling becomes broken if the MC isn't a) kept in check, and b) doesn't follow the established rules of the world. Needs Immediate Action: Paragraph structure. Lord Sputnik also pointed this out. It can break the flow of reading and force a reader to double-back when paragraph structure is out of whack. Dialogue sometimes takes place halfway through a paragraph and that's really no good. Also, Otto's dialogue comes across... Younger than he's portrayed? Idk. I just had a weird feeling he was older. Oh well. Great work!
The Good: Writing quality is great, the characters are all very well executed. The world the author is trying to create is fairly immersive and the way the author builds it really draws one in. I also enjoy longer chapters. The Bad: Paragraph structure is a bit thick making it difficult to read. Using a bunch of words from other languages and keeping their meanings is overkill. Nobody needs a footnote that's almost as long as a chapter to explain the meaning of words. The story is very interesting, but it's hard to find unless you force yourself to slow down and read into it some. The Neutral: Has plenty of potential! I personally feel like the powers are very unbalanced and not in the traditional "Overpowered MC" kind of way. That's just my thoughts though, don't take it to heart. Regardless, great work and hope you keep it up.
Brooo this is great :D I really like the beginning since it started with something that I'd say pretty unique, and the info was given step-by-step instead of dumped at us, the readers :D Also, the author did a really great job with descriptions, especially when explaining the events and the environment :3 I also really really love how the author portrayed emotions! :D The characters are very well-written, I like that each of them has their own personality, and they react pretty realistically to this absurd situation they were thrown into. I'll try to keep the spoilers minimum, but I like how the author used country-specific names and incorporated certain cultures into their personality :3 me likey! <3 Also, the strawberry pudding is cute :3 I can't say much about the grammar and stuff bc I'm not an expert, but I certainly did enjoy this book! :D Great job, author! <3
This seems to be a nice story, but the thing that made me feel weird is the fact that you write chapter number at the title. I think you are new at this job, but don't worry, everyone has done this thing to one or two novels. The character seems to be alright. One mana per bullet seems to be a broken system cause if someone had infinite mana, it will be totally overpowered. Carry on, and you will probably have your story featured one day.
This novel was lit! An amazing piece of art! With more perseverance and hard work, this novel will have a bright future! I like the characters and their touching story and background. A recommended read for me!
I'm after reading chapter sixth but I have to rant a bit, so I'm gonna split the review into two parts. The judgement, and then ranting with a bit of pointer for the author. The judgement! (Behold!): The story starts great. The mood is delivered easily, and characters are so damn quickly fleshed out, that they feel real (that's a talent right there). Conversations with sister, then with the cat are solid 5/5. Interesting, entertaining, real. Really great job. The same with the story. The first two chapters give you a promise of something great, but then unfortunately the ball is dropped... Rant part: You (the Author) drop the ball! You lose the flow of the story, make tons of mistakes that you previously weren't doing. And it's not just the grammar mistakes (you can fix them easily), but rather tons of other things. I feel like you are pounding each sentence into the story. Your descriptions fall off. There is no sense of passing time, and you don't stick to your world-building. Everybody has a familiar, but suddenly there is only a cat and an owl. You have tons of other characters, but the animals stay in the number of two. Now a word about characters. Don't put so many (named ones!) of them when they are not important. You just flood your readers with names, and they can't remember them, which introduces chaos into the story. The reader needs to be able to keep understanding what is going on. Now about the behaviors. Why Elizabeth is eating poisoned food when she is informed by Otto, that it's poisoned? It's not like she knew the other people for years and is trusting them, right? Would you eat candy from a stranger? If she does that because she is hungry, you don't provide that information for readers. In that case, you have to pound that information into your readers, so they can feel for your character, and agree with the choice. For me it's irrational. They have been there for me, I have no idea how long. It feels like 30 minutes at most. Then there is Ater ( The cat?). He tries to hide his identity, pretends to be a cat, then he suddenly throws the whole masquerade and starts talking. Why? Stick to your world-building. Make notes if you have to. I currently have 27 pages of them for my story. It really helps. Now about the background. It was your weakest point in the first chapter, which for me was almost perfect. The only weak point was the scenery. You describe it, but only partially. You wrote this: "Otto Kattering blinked and looked at the falling sunset. Beautiful scenery, but a still-sad disposition could be the only thing that described it." Then few paragraphs later, you wrote this: "Beth and Otto stood near the edge of the water, legs hanging over the boarding area as their feet felt the cool waters" Why you don't establish the scenery in one place? You should combine this, and your readers would have a clear image of what's going on from the start. You cant paint the picture, then suddenly add another part. That's not how the imagination works. Somewhere I read that good description should start with the light, just as you did, because that's the first thing we see. Then the most standing out elements. Then the sound, then the smell. From general stuff, to specific. Of course, this is not a recipe for the cake, so use it as you think is the correct way for you. Now the most important thing that would benefit your writing ( I believe). Read what you write. After finishing a paragraph, read it, then fix it. All people do it, especially pro writers. I think you stopped doing it after the two first chapters, and the quality of your story started to decline. Btw. The first sentence of your story: "'Otto', Otto stared at the person calling him name". His name. It's a small thing, not really important. But this sentence: "'We can't leave her, she's in our party,' Otto argued back, not really an argument rather a point, 'Her skill might be interesting to see in action. It'd be a waste.' Ater grumbled." "not really an argument rather a point" - this shouldn't exist. It has no point, no purpose, only disrupts your story. I'm rambling this hard because I believe you have a talent, so don't take it personally. Your first chapters were the best I have read so far on this site. You really had me in those two first chapters, but then... Anyway. I hope those words will help you improve. Good luck with your writing endeavors!
Reveal Spoiler