Chapter 21: Totsuka’s asking for training help.
"No."
That was the first thing out of Yukinoshita's mouth.
"No? Hey, come on–"
"No means no." Her second refusal was even colder.
This had all started because I'd mentioned Totsuka's problem to
Yukinoshita. I'd been planning to steer the conversation in a convenient
direction, smoothly quit the Service Club, and then put on a show of joining
the tennis club before slowly fading out, but she'd cut that option clean off
for me.
"I think Totsuka has the right idea about me joining the tennis club,
though. Basically, we just have to give the club members a little jolt. I mean,
if they get the bomb dropped on them that there's a new member, that'll mix
things up, right?"
"Do you think you are capable of operating in a group? A creature such as
yourself would never be accepted, am I wrong?"
"Ngh…"
She was right; I totally couldn't. It was true that I'd probably quit, but
also, just seeing the others having fun and chilling together as a club might
force me to whack them with a racket.
Yukinoshita laughed in a way that was a lot like a sigh. "You have
absolutely no understanding of group psychology, do you? You're a master
loner."
"I don't want to hear that from you."
She ignored me completely and continued speaking. "Though they may
band together against you as a common enemy, they'd only expend the
necessary effort to get rid of you, making no effort to improve themselves, so
it wouldn't solve anything. Source: me."
"I see… Huh? Source?"
"Yes. In middle school, I returned from abroad to Japan. Of course, I was
transferring in, and all the girls in the class, or rather, the whole school, were
desperate to eliminate me. Not a single one of them attempted to improve
themselves in order to best me. Those imbeciles…," she reflected, and as she
spoke, something like black fire swelled at her back.
Oh, crap, I might have stepped on a land mine.
"W-well, you know. When a cute girl like you shows up, it's inevitable
that sort of thing would happen."
She paused. "Y-yes, well, I suppose. It's true that I am far more attractive
than any of them, and I'm not so mentally weak on that front to put myself
down. Therefore, you could say that it was a foregone conclusion, in a way.
But still, Yamashita and Shimamura were quite cute, you know? It seems
they were fairly popular with boys, too. But that's just appearance. When it
came to academics, sports, arts, etiquette, and even spiritually, they most
certainly never approached someone of my caliber. If you just can't beat
someone no matter how hard you try, it's no surprise you would try to hold
them back and drag them down."
Yukinoshita had appeared to be at a loss for words for a moment, but soon
she was right back to tooting her own horn. Her praise wasn't just fluid. It
rushed along like the bright blue crashing waves of Niagara Falls.
I was impressed she'd managed to say all that without faltering once.
Perhaps this was her own way of hiding her shyness? So there was a speck of
cuteness within her after all. Maybe all that talking was what had made her
face so red.
"Can you do me a favor and not say anything weird? You're giving me
unpleasant chills."
"It's a relief to hear you say that. Yeah, you're not cute after all."
Actually, Totsuka was way cuter than any of the girls I knew. What the
hell was with that? Oh yeah. We were supposed to be talking about Totsuka.
"Is there nothing we can do to help the tennis club get better?" I asked.
Yukinoshita's eyes widened as she stared at me. "This is rare. When did
you start worrying about other people?"
"Well, you know. This is the first time anyone's ever asked me for help,
so it just kind of happened." Having someone rely on you was a very pleasing
thing indeed. Plus, Totsuka was so cute, so I just… A relaxed smile slipped
onto my face.
"I've been consulted on romantic matters quite often, though,"
Yukinoshita said, as if to counter me. She was puffing out her chest and
speaking as if it was a point of pride, but her expression slowly darkened.
"That said, girls essentially tell you about their crushes for the sake of
deterrence."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"If you tell people you like someone, everyone else has to be careful
around them, right? It's like you're emphasizing your ownership of them.
Once you know she likes him, if you lay a hand on him, you'll be treated like
a home-wrecker and excluded from the girls' clique, and then even if he says
he likes you, he'll just take off after. Why do I have to take all that abuse
from them?"
Yet again, black flames began rising from her body. I'd expected having
girls talk to you about their crushes was a super-bittersweet thing, but this
was just plain bitter. Why must she crush the pure dreams of boys like that? Is
this fun for her?
Yukinoshita suddenly smiled in mild self-deprecation, as if to wash away
her unsavory memories of the past. "What I'm saying is that it's not
necessarily a good idea to listen to anyone and everyone about every little
problem. You know that old saying: 'A lion throws its own young off a cliff
and kills it.'"
"He's not supposed to kill it!" The correct version was A lion hunts its
child with all its might.
"What would you do?"
"Me?" Yukinoshita blinked her big eyes with a pensive look that said, Oh,
yes. "I suppose I'd make them all run until they died, do practice swings until
they died, and play tennis until they died." She was smiling a little as she said
that. So scary.
While I was getting rather seriously freaked out, the door to the clubroom
opened with a rattle.
"Yahallo!" The stupid-sounding greeting reached my ears. Carefree
compared to her counterpart, Yuigahama was brimming with birdbrained,
bimbo smiles, as usual, looking as if she had not a worry in the world. But
behind her stood someone who looked timid and serious.
His eyes were downcast, as if he lacked confidence. His fingers weakly
grasped the hem of Yuigahama's blazer, and his skin was translucently white.
He was such an ephemeral existence, it seemed as though he would disappear
like a fleeting dream if the light shone on him.
"Oh…Hikigaya!" Instantly, the color returned to his clear skin, and he
smiled like a flower bursting into bloom. When he smiled, I finally realized
who he was. Why had he looked so glum?
"Totsuka, huh."
He stepped delicately toward me, squeezing the cuff of my sleeve instead
now. Hey, hey, you're not allowed to do that! But he's a guy, though…
"Hikigaya, what're you doing here?"
"Well, this is my club… What are you doing here?"
"Today I brought someone with a request, heh-heh," Yuigahama
announced proudly, pointlessly puffing out her chest. I'm not asking you. I
wanted to hear the answer from Totsuka's cute lips…
"Well, like, listen! I'm a member of the Service Club, too, aren't I? So I
thought I'd do my job for once. And Sai-chan seemed to have a problem, so
that's why I brought him here."
"Yuigahama."
"Yukinon, you don't have to thank me or anything at all. I just did my
duty as a club member."
"Yuigahama, you're not actually a member, though."
"I'm not?!"
She's not?! That was a surprise. I had thought for sure this was a thing
where she just gradually ended up being in the club.
"No. I haven't gotten an application form from you or consent from our
supervisor, so you're not a member."
Yukinoshita was pointlessly strict about these rules.
"I'll fill one out! I can fill out as many applications as you want! Lemme
join you!" With tear-filled eyes, Yuigahama began to write application form
on a sheet of loose-leaf paper in rounded, childish, phonetic hiragana
characters. She could at least have written it in kanji…
"So, Totsuka, was it? What did you need?" Ignoring Yuigahama
scribbling away on her application form, Yukinoshita turned to Totsuka.
Pierced by her cold gaze, Totsuka twitched for a moment. "U-um…you
can help me…get better…at tennis, right?" At first, he'd been looking at
Yukinoshita, but as he got toward the end of his sentence, Totsuka's gaze
shifted over to me. He was shorter than me, so he was looking up at me,
seeing how I'd react.
Hey, don't look at me like that… You'll get me all worked up. Stop giving
me that look.
Then, though it likely wasn't her intention to save me, Yukinoshita replied
in my place. "I don't know how Yuigahama explained it to you, but the
Service Club is not your personal genie. We only provide a little assistance
and encourage your independence. Whether you improve or not is up to you."
"Oh… I see…" Discouraged, Totsuka's shoulders drooped.
Yuigahama had probably promised all sorts of things. I glared at her. She
was muttering, "My seal, my seal," as she rummaged around in her bag for
the personal stamp she would sign the form with. She noticed my attention
and lifted her head.
"Huh? What?"
"Don't give me that. Your irresponsible remarks have crushed this boy's
slim hopes to smithereens." Yukinoshita attacked her mercilessly, but
Yuigahama just tilted her head.
"Hmm? Hmm? But, like, you and Hikki can figure something out, right?"
Yuigahama asked bluntly, a completely blank expression on her face.
Depending on how you interpreted that remark, it could have meant
something disparaging, like So you can't do it?
Unfortunately, there was someone in that very room who would take it that way. "Hmph. You've become a lot more forthright these days,
Yuigahama. Never mind that boy… I can't believe you would try to test me."
Yukinoshita smirked. Agh, Yuigahama had flipped that weird switch in
Yukinoshita's brain. Yukino Yukinoshita would accept any challenge head-
on and beat it down with all she had. She'd beat you down even if you didn't
challenge her. She was the kind of person who would even oppress me, and I
never resist. I'm like Gandhi. "Fine. Totsuka, I accept your request. You want
me to improve your abilities in tennis, is that correct?"
"Y-yes, that's right. I-if I get better, everyone else will try harder, too, I
think," Totsuka replied from behind my back. Perhaps he was overwhelmed
by how widely Yukinoshita's eyes flared. He gently peeked out from behind
my shoulder. His expression was fearful and uneasy. He was just like a
trembling wild rabbit, which made me want to put him in a bunny girl
costume.
Well, I think an ice queen like this one declaring she's going to help you
would scare most people. At this rate, I wouldn't have been surprised if she
had said, I'll make you stronger, but in exchange for your life!
Are you some kind of witch or what?
I took a step forward in an attempt to protect Totsuka and ease his anxiety.
When I drew near him, I smelled shampoo and deodorant intermingled: the
indescribable scent of a high school girl. What kind of shampoo is he using?
"Well, I don't mind helping, but what are we going to do?"
"I just told you, didn't I? Don't you remember? If you have no confidence
in your memory, I suggest you take notes."
"Hey, you can't mean you were serious…," I said, remembering her
something something until you die remarks, and Yukinoshita smiled as if to
say, Oh, you're so insightful. That smile was scaring me…
Totsuka's white skin went even paler, and he began trembling like a leaf.
"A-am I going to die?"
"It's okay. I'll protect you," I said, patting him on the shoulder.
Totsuka's cheeks flushed, and he gazed at me feverishly. "Hikigaya…do
you really mean that?"
"Oh, sorry. I just wanted to try saying that." It was one of the top three
lines I'd wanted to try saying once, as a man. By the way, number one is You
go on ahead. Leave this to me. There was no way I'd ever protect
Yukinoshita from anything, though, or protect anyone at all, for that matter. But, well, now that I'd tossed off that remark, if I didn't say something to
wiggle my way out of that statement, he'd leave still feeling uneasy.
Totsuka let out a short sigh and pouted his lips. "I don't understand you
sometimes, Hikigaya…but…"
"Hmm, you have tennis club practice after school, right, Totsuka?"
Yukinoshita cut him off. "Then let's do some special training during lunch.
Are you fine with meeting at the court?" She briskly decided the
arrangements for the next day.
"Roger!" Yuigahama replied as she finally finished writing out her
application form. Totsuka nodded, too. And that meant…
"You mean…me, too?"
"Of course. You don't have any plans during lunch, anyway, now, do
you?"
Indeed I did not.
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