Chapter 6: "Nasty Fuckers"
This story is Fanfiction, and I don't own ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐๐๐ฏ๐ฎ!, if I did, Aqua would be even more useless. ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐๐๐ฏ๐ฎ! Is owned by ๐ฆ๐๐๐ฑ๐ถ๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ป and ๐ก๐ฎ๐๐๐๐บ๐ฒ ๐๐ธ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ธ๐ถ.
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
"So, you're telling me, that we need to kill twenty-foot tall frogs?" I asked Kazuma.
Kazuma was looking off into the distance, face pale, eyes wide, focused on the three frogs hoppin' around the plain, near the swamp.
"They look like some nasty fuckerssss." I muttered.
"I-... I thought this would be an easy quest, damn it!" Kazuma yelled, aggroing the frogs.
"Yeeeeeeah. That's on you bud" I quip deadpan, before bum-rushing the frogs with my sword.
"Hup!" I [๐๐ก๐๐จ๐]ed my broadsword, cuttings tongue that tried to grab me, I spun on my heel, my sword cutting through its stomach like butter, and with a final [๐๐ก๐๐จ๐], it fell over limp.
"That wasโฆ surprisingly easy." Kazuma somehow heard me, "DON'T JINX US YOU IDIOT!"
And as soon as that sentence left the 16-year olds mouth, a certainโฆ 'tragedy' befell the bluenette 'goddess'
"HOW ๐๐๐๐ YOU TAUNT ME, YOU MUTANT FROG! TAKE THIS! [๐๐๐ผ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐!!!!!]"
Honestly, I think it was instigated by her now that I think about it.
Aqua used [๐๐๐ผ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฝ๐๐๐!!!!!]!
...It wasn't very effective.
"...You know, now that I look at you, you're pretty cute" Aqua stated.
Aqua used [๐๐๐๐จ๐ค๐ฃ]!
It failed!
Giant Toad used [๐๐ฌ๐๐ก๐ก๐ค๐ฌ]!
It was Super Effective!
"...Damn it Aqua!"
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
"Congrats on the completed quest! Your total party reward is 50,000 Eris!" Luna congratulated us on our kill quest.
But I think she was just staring at my 'Eye Candy'.
"Y'know, Luna, could you ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต stare at my tits whenever we talk? It's starting to get on my nerves." I stated, my eye twitching progressively faster the longer I talk.
Luna gains an atomic blush, I must admit, she is ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ cute when flustered.
She let out a cute gasp and started to apologizeโฆ really fast.
"๐'๐ฎ๐ด๐ฐ๐ด๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐บ๐ช'๐ฎ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด๐ฃ๐ถ๐ต๐๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ณ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ญ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ'๐บ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด๐ธ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ๐ด๐ฐ๐๐ค๐ข๐ฏ'๐ต๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐บ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฐ๐ง๐ง๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ-"
I interrupted her machinegun sentence. "Luna. Breathe."
She took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry."
"Nah, it's fine. Hell, you're like three years younger than me, ...๐ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐๐ฅ๐จ~ ๐๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฆ."
A beat passed
Luna squeaked, somehow turning even redder after registering my sentence.
Hehe, Gay Panic. I ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ญ in it!
MUEHEHEHEHEHEHE-
"Hey, Jenny, tone down your inner maniacal laughter." Kazuma pointed out with a deadpan stare.
I turn to look at them, both still covered in the Toad's saliva. Most of the other adventurers have cleared the way, holding their noses.
The only reason I'm not in the same boat is that Florans have quite a resistance against terrible stenches.
"Oi, Kazuma, Aqua. You both smell like a Quagmutt's shit. Go wash up."
Kazuma looked confused, but Aqua was red in the face and pissed.
"The hell is a Quagmut-" Aqua interrupted his question, "How dare you compare me to those- those green blobs of swamp water!" She snapped.
"Well, I wouldn't have to in the first place if you could ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฆ idiot." I quipped back, a smug smile on my face.
I chopped her neck with my hand before she could keep yelling at me, and handed her slimy body back to Kazuma.
"Just take her and go wash up. ๐๐ต'๐ญ๐ญ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต, ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ต!"
Kazuma obliged, and left through the front door of the guildhall.
"See ya later L!" I said with a lazy wave before following the two idiots.
I heard a small "Bye!" before leaving completely.
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
"Useless ("Hey!"), Jenny, I don't think that'll work" Kazuma blandly stated, staring out into the mostly empty guildhall, save for a few still passed-out drunkards.
"It's been what, a day since the Toad quest?" They both shivered in fear, "You can't just keep relying on me to save your asses. You two, need another partner in crime."
"So another party member, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ด๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐ข๐ด๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด?!" Kazuma stated irritably, his eye twitching.
"So-" I attempted to placate him, but was interrupted by a notably younger, feminine voice "Are you looking for party members?!" Sheโฆ yelled? Loudly stated?
Kazuma was surprised, "Uhโฆ yeah, are you-" She interrupted again.
"I, am Megumin! My calling is that of an Archwizard, one who controls explosion magic, the strongest of all offensive magic!"
"Um-" Kazuma tried to ask something, but was interrupted ๐ข๐จ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ
"Do you, too, desire my forbidden strength? Which is so almighty, I've been
ostracized by the entire world?" She questioned
"H-Huh?"
"Then show me thine resolve to peer into the ultimate abyss with me!"
Kazuma's eye started twitching.
"When man stares into the abyss, the abyss stares ba-"
This time, Kazuma interrupted her, "Are you just here to poke fun at us?" He questioned.
"N-No!" Aqua, who was taking a nap out of sheer boredom, suddenly joined the conversation, "That red eyeโฆ are you a crimson demon?" she questioned.
Well, it came out more like "๐ต๐ฉ๐ข' ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆโฆ ๐ข๐ฉ๐ณ ๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ข ๐ค๐ณ๐ช๐ฎ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ?"
I think she was still drunk from yesterday.
"Indeed! I am Megumin, the user of the finest magic crimson demons possess! My lethal magicโฆ" she starts to sway, "Smashes bouldersโฆ" and starts to fall
[Insert Generic Anime Save]
I used my [๐ฟ๐๐จ๐] tech, appearing next to her with a turquoise blue flash, catching her before she fell on her back.
"You good Megumin?" I asked, black bulbous ant-like eyes staring into her red ones.
"She started blushing, creeping down her neck, making a series of squeaks.
Meanwhile, Kazuma yelled out, "Hey, what's wrong?!"
She looks Kazuma in his eyes, doing her best to ignore the atomic red blush slowly creeping down her neck, "I haven't eaten anything in the last three days" she admitted.
"Do you have anything I could eat?" She asked, "I don't mind treating you, " was his immediate answer.
"-But what's with the eyepatch? If you're injured, why don't we have her heal you?" He offered, "Healing is like, her ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ specialty"
"What do you mean my '๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ' Specialty?!" Aqua screamed in outrage
"This is the magic item that suppresses my mighty magical powers." Megumin started talking, ignoring their bickering, "If I were ever to take this off, a great catastrophe would surely befall this worldโฆ"
I looked down at her, and she noticed, "So it's like a seal?" I asked.
She looked down, suddenly deciding the floor was more interesting than this question, "๐๐ฐ, ๐๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ" she muttered quietly, "I just wear it for looksโฆ"
Kazuma stood up from his seat, and slinked over to Megumin, and started pulling on it, "I-I'm sorry! ๐๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ต!"
"Y'know" Aqua interrupted ("Please stop!"), "Crimson Demons are born with high intelligence and possess magical powers." she informed us ("Actually that'll hurt if you let go-๐๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ'๐ต!")
"So please ๐ด๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ญ๐บ put it back where it was." Megumin continued pleading.
Aqua started talking again without prompt, "Generally, they're all expert magicians, ("That's right, ๐ด๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ญ๐บ, ๐ด๐ญ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ญ๐บโฆ") and they all have rather bizarre names"
"Oh?" Kazuma questioned, and then let go ("Ow! My eye!"). Then a guilty look flashed across his face, "Sorry. I thought you were making fun of us. I thought you were talking gibberish
and gave us that weird name."
Megumin looked offended, "Calling my name weird is rude!" she then started to try and defend herself, "W-Well from my point of view, it's everyone else in town who has a weird name!"
"Well, what are your parents' names?" He asked, "My mother is Yuiyui and my father is Hyoizaburo!" She immediately answered
Kazuma turned to Aqua, "So this girl has a lot of really good mages in her clan right?" Aqua nodded, "Correct! And Adventurer Cards can't be forged, so she's the real deal.
While this was happening, I was floored.
๐๐ฒ๐ถ๐ข ๐ช๐ด๐ฏ'๐ต ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ?! ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ?!
"Hey! Don't call me 'This girl' and 'she'! Use my grand name! Megumin, the greatest Archwi-" she started yelling in indignation.
"And that's enough of that sweetheart." I interrupted, my nickname giving me a slow realizing look, and then a blush.
"How about we give you a quest?" Kazuma questioned, "That'll let us see if you mesh well" He finished, with a look that says 'She a moneymaker! No more stables!', Hey Jenny, could you go grab a quest?"
"Sure" I told him.
๐ผ ๐กโ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐บ๐๐๐๐ก ๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐ก ๐ค๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐...
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
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