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Dear CypherWulf2k19 The idea for the story is ok, but how you set up the area is not. I mean I'm sorta confused, was he transmigrated to another world? At one point he said he was "Familiar with this game" , so is he in a world from one of the video games he used to play? Also, I had no idea what the MC looked like until partway through you explained it a little. The last part is, grammar and spacing. You use "do not" when it's "did not", there are a few words that just aren't supposed to be there like, for example, "he did just not do it" the word here is "just". Spacing, spacing is a term I use to explain the principle of never putting in to much to fast. Like you have major events in a story, but they should never be super close; or in abundance. If they are, then the story becomes boring. It's like constantly watching a scary movie. At first it gives you the spooks but after a while, you get used to it. You know the MC, you know exactly how he acts, you know exactly were and when they're gonna try to scare you before it even happens. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just giving my honest opinion. Sincerely, Jackson M. Walker
Dear CypherWulf2k19 The idea for the story is ok, but how you set up the area is not. I mean I'm sorta confused, was he transmigrated to another world? At one point he said he was "Familiar with this game" , so is he in a world from one of the video games he used to play? Also, I had no idea what the MC looked like until partway through you explained it a little. The last part is, grammar and spacing. You use "do not" when it's "did not", there are a few words that just aren't supposed to be there like, for example, "he did just not do it" the word here is "just". Spacing, spacing is a term I use to explain the principle of never putting in to much to fast. Like you have major events in a story, but they should never be super close; or in abundance. If they are, then the story becomes boring. It's like constantly watching a scary movie. At first it gives you the spooks but after a while, you get used to it. You know the MC, you know exactly how he acts, you know exactly were and when they're gonna try to scare you before it even happens. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just giving my honest opinion. Sincerely, Jackson M. Walker