Chapter 79: Moving Forward And Living ‘Insincerely’
When the sun rise, 'Bob' woke up and clarified a lot of things that were concerning his mother. How Dorothy had left the village and how Madeline would stay with them from now on... Everything was working well as I played my role as a 'father'.
It was a strange experience... becoming someone else and raising their child as if my own, even to the point of losing my 'Self' a little... Forgetting the things 'Harmony' knew and acting masterfully.
On the other end, my Shadow Doppelgänger was making a name for herself as the Tethered Shadow of God's Poison. As I wanted to divert the attention from the Red Tryst Vine Village as much as I possibly could, I made compromises with Veronica.
She gave me two conditions to help me out after I gained her trust by offering up Dorothy to her:
1. Never hurt a human being so long as I live.
2. Always stay within distance to be watched over.
I hadn't quite earned her trust completely considering the despise she had towards Monsters on a normal day. If it wasn't for that, she wouldn't be able to brutally kill Monsters without remorse. It reminded me of the way war-torn military soldiers were taught to dehumanise their enemies in order to get the job done. Seeing 'Monsters' as anything more than enemies was hard for her to do...
However, I was able to keep informed on the details of the Swordwick Household and how my previous life's parents were doing by sticking to her. As no one in her faction could ever hope to understand the traits of a 'Moon Beast', I was able to keep my abilities hidden despite showing off my presence to the world. This instilled fear into many as they believed that I would one day become a 'symbolic familiar' passed down to her eventual successor.
Many things I never knew about the Church and the world as a whole became clearer as I, someone who existed in two places at the same time, was able to gain experience in order to mature further.
Many things happened in the years I had devoted to my two 'roles' as a no name Human of a random village and the Familiar of the eighth Apostle under the Church's influence. And one event that shook my heart the most was the 're-emergence' of Sapphire Swordwick after she was able to break out of the 'Severed Time' that trapped her for so long. My eyes streamed with tears and I almost broke my facade to go meet her, but I couldn't do that. There was no way to go back to those times...
I stayed where I was, fulfilling my role as a father and a familiar while listening to every piece of gossip regarding my previous life's 'friend'. This let me listen into rumours that made me certain that Chaos was acting no different from the way I was when my identity was that of 'Simon'. He had gotten an Adventurer's License at a young age and was able to keep a close friendship with Sapphire.
Five years had passed and I was still doing my best in my own way. Madeline reached the Age of Nurturing and Chaos finally became an 'Adult' in this world who didn't need to look for me anymore.
I could tell that he must have calmed down and forgotten about me over time as I heard he did enough quests over the years to become an rare A Rank Adventurers with a Golden Card.
What did the Golden Card mean? It stood for professionalism that had nothing to do with a person's overall Rank. Strength mattered, but what made more important and richer members of society give better requests was the nature of an Adventurer's License rather than Rank. There were a lot of people who could raise their Rank through training and hunting, but only hardworking people who showed manners and better ability to judge their circumstances were given such kind of Cards.
You could say that Chaos, or should I say the new and improved 'Simon', really turned over a new leaf judging from the rumours I heard, and the achievements he showed... I was surprised by lack of anger whenever I heard his name mentioned.
Though the movements of shady syndicate, Cerberus, suddenly became quieter the moment Dorothy was captured. She didn't reveal anything in particular about the location of her underground organisation's base, but their 'silence' over years was fortunate. I didn't have to deal with burdensome tasks and could secretly build up a force using the the 'Dark Spawn' I created.
By using the same method I used to create Lilith back then, I took my time to create many new individual personalities apart from my own. Each of them were given a fragment of my power before being scattered to the residents of my village.
Every one of them were given some of my hatred and animosity for Chaos in order to drive these auxiliary egos to improve themselves in the time we had before the village was endangered. Although I can pretend to be optimistic, there's no telling if Chaos or Sylphy will ever return... I never want to be in a state of powerlessness ever again!
Though it still seemed strange to me...
Unlike Chaos, there seemed to be no big incidents concerning Sylphy over the years as she stayed as Sapphire's maid without complaints. I'm not sure if her personality changed over the years, but she too seemed to have mellowed out considering the only talk I had heard was her 'injuring' dumb young nobles that spread bad rumours of her Mistress out of jealousy rather than cutting them to shreds.
And Enigma was silent as usual. He never contacted me again after that day and instead chose to act mysterious like always... Never giving a straight answer and keeping to himself.
What an absurd world I lived in... It was as if I could never fathom individuals or their thoughts process.
After what Chaos and Sylphy did to Bob, I should be righteously getting vengeance on them. That's how I'd normally act... so what was holding me back? Of course, it was the people I was close to...
No one had figured out Simon wasn't 'me' anymore after what happened that day. It looked like Sapphire was doing well and my family didn't see through Chaos considering he had everything that made me 'Simon' back then and much more...
I'd just be asking for a tragic situation was 'Simon' and those close to bad together to hunt me, the unknown 'evil' threatening them. Was this his plan or a coincidence? Well, at least i was given time to reflect and think about circumstances once again.
How should I interpret the my situation? Am I 'living correctly' like I always wanted? I am, aren't I?
As I raised my daughter as 'Bob', a question arose in my heart that became more apparent over time.
Why... was I becoming more angry over time? I had found more people with Origin Shards and had even acquired a few of them from using my Dark Spawns to search the world. I have live quite productively and stuck close with my 'family'.
Even so, why am I unable to let go of my hated?
Why does my heart keep screaming to chase down Chaos and bite into his flesh, to rip him apart until there is nothing left? I feel like a fire was burning in my heart that was begging to be quenched through the act of vengeance, a destructive impulse indeed... As there was no chance I'd ruin my great life so easily, I 'cut my anger out of me'.
I decided to 'sever' my burning hatred from my consciousness and take a good look at it. In the depths of my unconsciousness appeared a cage that had my seething regret and negativity chained up. The alter ego within immediately roared at me:
"Everything is YOUR FAULT! Who pulled him into this in the first place? Who was the one who kept on running from taking responsibility of your own actions? It's all because of you! You don't deserve to 'exist'!!!" Tears streamed down his face as the restraints I put on my 'Vengeful Ego' started to crack in a few places while he violently struggled.
It should have been impossible. As the original 'Self' who existed before him, a mere 'alter ego' shouldn't have been able to resist my mental domination. However, it still happened right here...
"Everything was because of you!"
"Kill your 'Self' or kill the enemy!"
"Die. Just die and let it end!"
"You are a cursed Monster! You have no place in this world! Why are you wasting so much time?!"
"Abandon then! Abandon everything and kill that bastard! Kill everything that gets in your way!"
"...You don't deserve to exist...!" Was the last words the Vengeful Ego spoke before falling into silence.
My consciousness trembled throughout his furious roars, but I was able to pull myself together. It looks like THIS was the reason my negativity kept increasing whenever I thought about the past.
Even if I didn't want to, my subconscious thoughts would always make me come to conclusions that would be detrimental to my 'new life' as Bob. A man with a mother and daughter to take care of.
The Vengeful Ego looked melancholic, his eyes were empty as tears of streamed down his cheeks and blood stained his chin after he bit his lip. There was no reason for his actions nor thought of the circumstances we were in right now, only malice.
Though despite his ragged condition from struggling against my restraints, I couldn't look down of the sincerity of my Vengeful Ego. Perhaps when I was still a 'Human', I'd value my emotions above my rationality, but it was different now.
As I was about to leave my Vengeful Ego alone in the darkest corner of my mind, he spoke up again:
"Disappear!" That one word seemed to contain the entirety of his existence as he defied my will...!
An explosion erupted and both my bodies in the real world trembled as a result. For my Doppelgänger half, it was fine as I normally existed as a shadow, but 'Bob', on the other hand, was brought to his knees as if he couldn't even breath.
His eyes reddened after falling from the stairs.
"Daddy!" The voice of 'my daughter' resounded in my ear and a small figure ran to see if I was okay.
Looking at that worried face, the hatred in my heart was restrained once more as I brought up a smile.
"It's nothing, haha~ You think your father will be hurt from a simple trip?" Getting off my knees, my tone became quite convincing as I showed her that I wasn't injured. Only then did she let me go.
"Daddy, are really feeling well? Did I do something wrong?" Madeline asked in a timid voice.
She reminded me of my former little sister of my previous life, Merilin, in some ways in her attitude and sensitivity to other people's emotions but wasn't really as outstanding in intelligence or bright. Similar to a certain Ninja I once knew...
"I'm fine. Don't say it like that. I would never blame you for anything. You are the best daughter I could ask for!" Seeing her teary eyes, my arms had unconsciously wrapped around her to coddle her as always. Who knew I'd become a 'doting father'?
She calmed down a little after getting a hug, but what really broke the serious mood was when I used my stubby beard to prick her cheeks. Seeing that I was fine, she pushed herself out of my arms and went towards the kitchen to her grandma.
As I watched her leave, my heart was reminded of why I'd never acted upon my hatred. There was too much to lose and nothing to gain. Even if one part of my heart was seething with hatred, the rest of it treasured these moments with my new 'family'.
One day, Bob's soul within me will wake up once again and this family will finally be complete. There isn't a need to ruin everything. The only thing that is necessary is for me to act out of hatred alone.
Even though looking at Bob's soul pained me, I'll wait. I'll move on and walk forward in life. Maybe there will even be a day when I can introduce myself to this family once again. Who knows?
For them... I'll live on even if 'insincerely'...!
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
FlowingWaves
FlowingWaves I’m not even going to pretend I follow a schedule anymore as it makes my hobby seem more like work despite how my trashy fiction will never become a book (since I never fully finish anything) and I have too many motivation issues. Anyway, I have been writing ‘The Incubus Disgusts Sweet Girls!’ in my free time for anyone curious.
Also, read my blog on Meta Humour. You guys need higher standards in storytelling...!