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Pretty good first chapter, the only thing i would say needs a bit of work is the background knowledge, I found it good because I already know what Helldivers is, but what if someone who doesn't know what it is reads it? Though some of it is incorporated into some lines, if you pay attention to it you can imply what it is, but some people just want the info for some reason.
For managed democracy! For liberty! Glory to super earth! I will notify my democracy officer of your outstanding service to humankind, still, be careful not to associate with traitors! If our ideals are alien to them, they are aliens to us and will as such have to be liberated of their miserable lives. Mlevolon Creek is being reliberated right now, I too am of course doing my part, so don‘t forget about your duties while writing this wonderful piece.
Pretty good first chapter, the only thing i would say needs a bit of work is the background knowledge, I found it good because I already know what Helldivers is, but what if someone who doesn't know what it is reads it? Though some of it is incorporated into some lines, if you pay attention to it you can imply what it is, but some people just want the info for some reason.
For managed democracy! For liberty! Glory to super earth! I will notify my democracy officer of your outstanding service to humankind, still, be careful not to associate with traitors! If our ideals are alien to them, they are aliens to us and will as such have to be liberated of their miserable lives. Mlevolon Creek is being reliberated right now, I too am of course doing my part, so don‘t forget about your duties while writing this wonderful piece.