Chapter 99: A Fight Of Legends #99
"In the left gate, we have the equally awesome and infamous criminal mastermind," the announcer stated as he turned to the left of the arena with equal theatrical zeal.
"A true menace to the citizens of Gotham, the spicy outlaw, the one and only king of flavor..." the announcer added, trailing at the end of his sentence to rile the spectators.
"Bring those hands together for The Condiment King!" the announcer concluded as a man dressed in a patched black suit with a crown simple on the chest confidently strode into the arena.
'Not gonna lie... that is pretty entertaining...' I mused, my eyes twitching under my riot gear as I watched one of DC comics' goofiest villains stride into the ring like he owned the place.
"Anyone order some extra flavor?!" the condiment said as he stood beside the announcer, pointing his three-barreled sauce gun that was strapped to a container on his back into the air, firing a squirt of mayonnaise.
"Damn... I can't even feel bad for that guy..." I remarked, chuckling and shaking my head as I heard the rich assholes begin mocking the condiment king.
"I guess the green guy should have brought a napkin instead of a kite," Benjamin said, and I almost choked while trying to hold my laughter. Meanwhile, even Richard broke his stoic mask and chuckled.
I honestly would have felt bad for the guy if he didn't look like he was trying his best to be a laughing stoke. Sure he was mentally ill, but come on, man, that's just asking for it.
"Are you sure this goofy-ass tournament is the right place, Richard?" Benjamin asked with a scoff as he turned to Richard, who had an exasperated expression.
"Very. But I get what you mean; this is a bit too much..." Richard replied, his tone confused and amused as he shook his head at the two goofy villains squaring up in the middle of the arena.
"Let's just see where it goes. It should be funny at least..." I said, turning my attention to the arena as the announcer began instructing Kite Man and The Condiment King on the rules of engagement.
"Alright, gentleman, I want a nice clean fight. You are entitled to use your gadgets, but I don't want anything over the top," The announcer said as he beckoned for the two villains to come closer.
"I don't want powerful explosives or anything that might damage the club's foundation. We are underground after all..." the announcer added as he put his hands on the comic relief duo's shoulders when they came close.
"Other than that, everything is allowed. Biting, below the belt strikes, eye gouging, everything is on the table, do I make myself clear?" The announcer concluded, and the two villains nodded their heads in acknowledgment.
"Good, now get to your sides and get ready to fight," the announcer said after noticing the lack of objections from the two contestants, and they obliged.
"And so the time has finally come. The Iceberg tournament sponsored by Mr. Cobblepot will now commence," The announcer stated as he slowly walked back away from the center of the arena.
"Are the contestants ready?" The announcer asked as he turned to the two fighters, and they quickly vocalized their readiness as one would expect.
"Hell yeah!" Kite man said, slapping his chest as he lowered his posture, seemingly ready to charge at a moment's notice.
"It's about to get spicy," the condiment king said, striking a pose with his sauce gun, and I couldn't help chuckling at his ridiculous posture. I wasn't the only one either.
"Then what the fuck are we waiting for exactly? Ring the bell already!" The announcer said, wildly gesturing, and as if on cue, a loud ringing noise reverberated through the arena, indicating the start of the fight.
Kite man was the first to make a move as he turned to the wall behind him and ran towards it. He jumped and bounced off it, boosting himself into the air, assisted by a small grappling hook.
He unfurled the kite on his back and took to the air, slowly gaining height as he reached the center of the ring, then began diving towards The Condiment King, who was holding his ground.
"Get a taste of this!" The Condiment King remarked, grinning as he aimed his sauce gun at the bomb-diving Kite Man and squeezed the trigger, unleashing a jet of mayonnaise.
"Too much, my dude... you're trying too hard..." I remarked, sighing as the Condiment King's act stopped being funny at this point while Kite Man skilfully maneuvered himself in the air to avoid the squirting jet of mayonnaise.
However, The Condiment King was unphased by the aero display of agility. He kept his finger on the trigger and adjusted his aim, continuously shooting a stream of mayonnaise that chased behind Kite Man.
It was still to no avail as Kite Man kept gliding in the air, smoothly evading the flying condiment chasing behind him, and I should say, it was almost impressive how quickly and easily the man seemed to fly around the arena.
"Try my condiment packets! They're to die for!" The Condiment King said with a lame-sounding evil laugh as he retrieved several small bags from his utility belt with his free hand.
He threw the mini packets in Kite Man's general direction, and I was cringing so hard that I didn't even feel like making any comments, verbally, mentally, or otherwise.
In any case, the packets missed and flew right past Kite Man from every angle. However, they soon exploded, releasing differently colored powders that spread in the air, creating a pseudo smoke screen.
I could only see Kite Man's shadow flying in the smoke screen, and I heard him cough as he began losing control, causing him to fly towards the ground with tears and snot running through his eyes and nose.
Impressively enough, Kite Man managed to steer himself to crash land right into Condiment King head first. He rammed the latter's stomach with his forehead, and they both collapsed instantly, unmoving and seemingly unconscious.
"Oh! And it looks like we have a tie here!" The announcer said as he moved closed to the two unmoving contestants to take a closer look at their condition.
"Truly a fitting end to a conflict between two such legendary characters, wouldn't you agree, ladies and gentlemen...?" the announcer remarked. Unable to hold it any longer, he slightly laughed, breaking character for the first time.
"However, as a perfect ending as this is, we must do things the right way and settle the fight with a countdown..." the announcer helplessly intoned, sighing as he got back in character.
"One... two... three..." He began his countdown, slowly and deliberately announcing every number as he looked down on the two goofy villains, and the spectators joined on the count of four.
Kite Man and The Condiment King continued to lie on the floor without twitching a muscle. The announcer reached seven, and there was movement, causing him to pause momentarily before continuing.
"Eight..... Nine...." the announcer kept counting as he watched Kite Man's body twitch as the latter tried to get to his feet while the former dragged on, deliberately delaying the countdown's conclusion.
"This isn't the end of the line for me!" Kite Man said, grunting in pain as he struggled, and finally got to his feet a fraction of a second before the announcer finished the countdown, causing the crowd to erupt in cheers and applause.
Again I didn't say anything. However, I refrained from making a mocking comment this time because I was kind of, sort of, somewhat impressed by the guy's tenacity.
I might have even clapped or cheered if it wasn't the corny kite pun at the end, but you get the idea. Kite Man might be comic relief and generally a joke character, but at least he had grit.
"And it looks like we have a winner!" the announcer gleefully said as he smacked Kite Man's shoulder, causing the latter's knees to buckle and almost fall, but he balanced himself and grinned.
"Someone come and help our victor back to his room!" the announcer said, and several henchmen quickly stepped into the ring from the right and left entrance.
The Penguin henchmen from The Condiment King's side quickly put him on a stretcher and took him away. Meanwhile, the others tried to help Kite Man, but he refused and slowly walked to his side without relying on anyone.
"And there you have it, folks. An impressive display by two remarkable fighters, but only one may claim the triumph, and the goddess of victory favors Kite Man today!" the announcer remarked, spreading his arms to calm the spectators, who were still cheering.
"However, the fun is just getting started, so make sure to blink now while you have the chance!" The announcer excitedly exclaimed.
"The second fight will start shortly!"
...
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