Chapter 48: What He Wants Most ? ...
Andrew walked out of Ariena's room devastated, confused and heart broken. The pain in his heart was so unendurable that it was choking him. He felt he can't breath any longer. As the scene of her laying on the floor crying loudly and pushing him away keep floating in his mind.
He lean against her bedroom door for a long time until he can listen her crying. He glued to the door unmoving, still cursing himself thousands of time in his mind for all the pain he had brought in her life. No words or actions, nothing can dampen the agony and affliction that he had brought, by his indecent behavior and conduct, in her merry and smiling life.
He kept staring at the closed door, as he thought to himself, 'What he had done to her was nothing less than raping her...He had used FORCE on her.....He is the reason why that girl who was smiling and laughing a minute ago is wailing like little hungry, helpless baby. He is to blame for everything ...'
A lone tear made its way through his left eye, as he still contemplate, ' Should he just barge in her room and held the little pity girl in his embrace and comfort her or should he just let her be herself and leave her alone.'
His heart and brain were in complete mess, fighting over what is good for the moment. He already had done the biggest mistake,of hurting her, in his life. He didn't want to make the situation more complicated by acting recklessly.
He knew what he had done can't be forgotten just like it was a bad dream but deep down in his heart he was wishing for that to happen. He was ready to bear any amount of physical or mental pain for himself just ,if only he can go back to the time and erased all the memories of this unfateful and ambiguous moment from her mind .
He just wanted her to be the same naive and pure and smiling Ariena that she used to be back, but he knows that all this can never happen again. He knew, "The arrow which had left the string of the bow in your hands and a word that left you mouth - you can't get them back. In the same way how hard he try he can't get his old Ariena back...."
After a long one hour utmost, he felt that she was quite, no movement could be heard from outside, he thought maybe she had fallen asleep from all those crying and exhaustion. He bundle up his courage, after thinking for next half a hour, before going inside her room again sneakingly.
"I'll just see that she's okay and will come back... " he assured softly to himself as he unlocked the door and stand on the door frame to look at the petite body of her curled in a fetus position in the bed. He wanted to go to her but this vulnerable and ghastly sight of her broke whatever willpower he had.
He watched her for a few seconds before closing the door again silently, as he whispered softly and sorrowfully, "I'm Sorry.... Sorry for hurting you... Sorry... Sorry my cute little girl... "
He was unaware that this little act of his didn't get unnoticed by the girl on the bed, she was still awake. She turned to look at the closed door with her eyes filled with tsunami of emotions; fear, helplessness, love and longing.
The little clicking sound of door made by him to enter her room had brought her back from the whirlwind of the old memories, that were both sweet and sour and we're sucking her inside completely making her insane. She regretted expecting something from her on paper real but fake marriage.
She rue the moment when she asked those questions to him. Instead of being clear headed she wanted to live in doubt, that he can love her. But those answers were like sharp blade that shredded her heart into pieces.
She started crying again as Andrew's mourning voice kept repeating in her mind, "I'm Sorry...". God knows at what time she finally doze off...
.... ..... ..... .....
Andrew entered his room with a bottle of his world class whiskey and move towards the comfy rocking chair, placed near the large tinted glass window to clear his brain.
He started drinking from the bottle, as keep looking at the inky sky filled with shimmering golden stars. A moment ago all these things were enticing his heart with fondness and longing to be with the person whom he wanted to see so dearly. But now this beautiful sight is like a mockingbird condemning his actions and words.
'Why .....Why did he came back so early .....Did he just came to be with her or to hurt her so badly. If he had not worked so hard to be here at this moment than the relation between them would have been the same; lively and jaunty....' He pounder over his thoughts, as he kept taking a mouthful glupped from his bottle from time to time. The crying and defeated face of Ariena kept popping up in his eyes, haunting him to his core, as the content in the bottle keep on getting lower and lower, making it finished in minutes.
Looking at the empty bottle, Andrew sighed dejectedly and stand up to lay on his bed flatly. He kept thinking about Ariena by looking straight onto the roof. When suddenly his eyes turned to look at the beautifully wrapped pendant set box with a red bow on top, kept on the side table near his bed.
Unknowingly, he extended his hand to pick it up. He opened the box to see and admire it's beauty which reminds him of Ariena ; her flawless beautiful face, her pure and sweet smile, her shinning clear eyes, everything about her was just too perfect.
He caressed the diamond pendant as he mumbled softly under his breath, "Ariena I don't know, when did it started and why I feel so helpless but right now the biggest fear in my life is not; to not be able to reach my goal. But it's loosing you. This lingering feeling of you being drifted apart from me is haunting me....
..... I can leave my goal behind for once but I don't want you to leave me...I don't know whether what I feel now is love or my willful possessiveness toward you. But I'll not let you go.....No matter what I have to do I'll do, to get your forgiveness...
..... Ariena, I'm sorry... just this one time, please overlook my mistake. I promise you I'll reflect on my actions and will never do anything to hurt you... Please Ariena... I'm really SORRY...."
The unbearable pain in his heart from a moment ago came back again. He swiftly put back the box on the side table carefully, as he get up to lit his cigarettes and walked away from his room to the deck on the floor with his cellphone in his gray color sweatpants pocket.
It was not possible for him to get a sleep on this condition, even when he was so sleep deprived from last few days. The fear of losing her was so strong that it was making him go crazy. His eyes refused to close as he was scared if he fall asleep she will be gone when he will open his eyes again.
He needed some fresh air to get back to his reasonable mind. He needs her for his sanity to be maintained.
He... Andrew Johnston only want one thing in his life the most at this time ; the comfort which he had when she was in his embrace.
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