章節 34: talking (part 1)
Floating in the abyss was a strange experience, it was like I was floating in a completely dark piece of space, with no stars to be seen, just a completely dark space.
With no ability to move, see, hear, or feel anything.
So, While floating aimlessly, I thought about what I had just done.
I had let my emotions take control of my actions.
Of course it was a reasonable response, to what Jane had said, but since I had come here, to this world, I had never had such a reaction to something, no matter how angry, or sad I got, I was always able to stay calm and reasonably in control of myself, in any situation, I could act how I wanted and not on pure emotions.
But from what I gathered from the system, was that the full attack of all of my emotions at once overwhelmed the dampeners, bringing the full brunt of my emotions at once, to the front. emotions I only felt a quieter of before, I had felt it all at once and in full.
I had finally pushed down too many bad memories, that my emotional dampeners couldn't dampen them all when they came out, and when they came to the surface, the dampeners were overwhelmed.
Which didn't surprise me, the memories, of massicurs, and the death of untold amounts, that I had seen, and pushed down, had finally come to the surface in a wave of force.
Normally, only one or two bad memories would come to the surface at a time, which was manageable, but this time, every single bad memory I could remember, rushed up and out of the dark corner I hid them, overloading the dampeners.
As I had that thought, I got the sensation that I was moving.
Unable to see anything, or do anything about it, I just went with it.
The sensation of moving got faster and faster, until eventually it felt like I was moving at light speed, then with a jolt, it came to a complete stop, and the feeling of Weight came back to me, as well as the rest of my senses, all at once.
Jolting up right, I looked around, and found myself in my room.
I was panting hard, and a cold sweat glistened on my forehead.
I was in my bed, which was surrounded by scrolls, shelves full of hundreds of scrolls and texts I had collected over the years. Next to my bed was a lit candle on the side table, the candle was half burned out, with its flickering light casting a warm and radiant glow, to gracefully dancing on the walls.
Looking down at myself, I saw, I was only in my trousers, my tunic and shoes were gone. standing from my bed, I walked to the latched window that was on one side of my room.
Unlatching the piece of wood that held the wooden shutters closed.
I opened the shutters. Once open, I could see the night sky, with sparkling stars and the moon hanging High in the night sky.
'I guess I'm back to normal' I thought as I checked my mental state, and couldn't feel anything out of the ordinary.
I even checked my system screen, but didn't find any message or note, to tell me if I had been fixed.
Closing, and re latching the shutters, I went to my door and opened it.
My bedroom was connected to the main sitting room, where the large fireplace was, as well as my chairs.
Peaking my head out of the door, I saw Julius sitting in his chair reading a scroll, when he heard the door open he looked over and saw me.
In a flash, Julius was out of his chair and in front of me.
"Adam, are you alright." He asked in a rush.
I nodded my head at his words.
"I'm fine Julius, how long have I been out." I asked him, cutting him off before he could ask any more questions.
"Only a few hours, you fainted in the woods, so I had to carry you back here." He said, A look of concern on his face.
Looking past Julius's and around the room, I didn't see Jane, which was strange, normally I could always find her close to julius.
Looking at Julius I asked him.
"Where is Jane?"
Julius let out a small sigh.
"She is out front, I tried to get her to come inside but she refuses to come in." He said, looking at the front door.
"My guess is that She feels ashamed for what she said today, it took you nearly killing her and telling her the hard truth which we had been avoiding doing until she was on a more stable mental ground to do so, to finally realize how morbid and cold hearted she had become." He said, looking back at me.
Slowly nodding my head, I asked him.
"Has she said anything to you?"
Julius shook his head.
"She won't even look me in the eyes, let alone talk to me." He said.
"I'm going to go talk to her," I said, taking a step back to enter my room.
"I don't think that is a good idea." Julius said, as he followed me into my room, as I put on a new tunic, then my shoes.
"And why is that?" I asked him, while putting my shoes on.
"Adam, you scared her today…you scared me as well." He said, his voice becoming quieter.
I looked up at him, stopping what I was doing.
"That look in your eyes today, it was a look I had never seen before, a look as cold as ice and as deadly as death itself." He said, not looking me in the eyes.
"Julius…look at me." I said, in the quiet room.
Slowly, Julius looked over at me.
"That part of me, Julius, is the part of me, I buried deep down, and tried to forget. I'm sure you yourself have seen things that you have buried in the back of your mind, to be forgotten." I asked him.
Julius slowly nodded his head at my words.
"That's the downside of our lives, our never ending lives. It's that we will see things that scare us, people we know dieing, wars, plagues, all of it we must watch while we stay young for the rest of eternity, unmard by the passage of time, without the fear of death, but covered in mental scars that can run as deep as the ocean." I say, standing to my feet.
"And today, the thousands of years of scars and bad memories I buried, came to the surface."
Julius now looked me in the eyes.
"I'm sorry Julius for my actions today," I continued.
"I guess her words brought up some bad memories and I acted on the rage they made me feel, they were the catalyst that unleashed all of my buried memories." I said softly.
Julius stared at me for a moment before a small smile crept onto his face.
" I forgive you old man." He said, giving my shoulder a small punch.
Patting him on the shoulder I finished getting dressed, before speaking to him again.
"I'm going outside, do you want to come with me? I think you, being there, will help her with what I need to say to her."
Julius nodded his head.
"Yes I will come with you."
Stepping past Julius, I walked to the front door, with Julius right behind me.
Opening the wooden front door to my home, I took a step outside, the late night cold air, brushing its cold breeze on my face.
As soon as I stepped out, I was able to see Jane sitting under the large beech tree that swayed in the night air by my house.
She sat there in the dark, staring up at the stars, overhead.
She never looked down, as me and Julius walked towards her.
Stopping a few feet from her, I didn't say anything, and sat down in front of her, while Julius sat next to her, close enough for his shoulder to almost touch hers.
Looking up at the night sky, I spoke.
"It's a beautiful night isn't it?" I asked her, my soft voice loud in the quiet night.
Jane slowly lowered her head, avoiding my eyes.
"Jane, we need to speak." I said softly.
Jane again didn't say anything.
"I'm not mad at you." I said, my words like thunder, in Jane's ears.
Jane's eyes snapped to my face.
And as her eyes met mine, I could see the fear in them.
The same fear I saw, when I was ready to snap her neck into dust.
The vulnerability, the regret, and the sadness she held inside.
It made me feel ashamed for my actions.
Yes her words were anything but right, but at the same time, she also had scars from her human life.
Where it was only her and her brother against the whole village who thought they were witches, and the same day their mother died, the villagers tied them to poles then set them on fire.
"I need to apologize for what I did today." I said.
"Of course we both made mistakes today, but I should have handled it better, and never put your life in danger like I did."
Jane shook her head, at my words.
"No, it's my fault, I should have never said what I said, you were right, I have no right to hate humans, and that the death of innocent people is a terrible thing. I am just so confused on how I should feel." She said, looking back up at the night sky.
"I want to hate them so much…every last one of them, or…I did." Jane looked back at me.
"But what you said was true, I shouldn't hate them all, just the ones from my village. It's just any time I think of regular people, I think of them, and I fight with myself, trying not to hate everyone."
I nodded my head at her words.
"They hated us for the fact we were different, made it impossible to survive, where nobody was willing to give us jobs, and when our mother got ill, nobody would help us." She said, her words getting angrier.
"And then the same day she died, they came for us, and tried to burn us alive, for the simple fact that we were different, they didn't even let us bury her." she said with a sob.
Julius slowly lifted one of his arms and put it around Jane's shoulder.
Jane all but clung to him, her sobs echoing, in the now still night air.
We were quiet for a few moments, before Jane spoke again.
"And when I woke up, I found that my brother, one of the only things I had left, had been taken by a group of vampires, and that they left me behind to be burned alive, even though they had a chance to save me as well, and that I am now one of them, i just couldn't handle all the emotions i was having so i turned it all to hate." Jane finished, and never once moved away from Julius.
"It's natural to feel anger." I told her.
"But it's important that you don't take your anger out on others, like I did today." I said, scratching my head sheepishly.
"it only ever ends up doing damage to the undeserving, and yourself." I said.
"There is never a winner, only losers,".
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2,013 words
Please let me know if there are any problems. And please leave a comment and let me know what you think of the chapter.
And I have a question, is it so hard to believe that someone who has the knowledge to rule the world doesn't want to, I mean what if the Mc just wants a peaceful life, where he doesn't want to rule people, or control everything.
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