/ Sci-fi / Scar : It's you
摘要
It’s a story about a 17 year old, Charles Kendrick. He lives in a dystopian world with his sister, Stella. He lost his parents in an accident and ever since it has always been Charles and Stella. A sudden death of someone turns everything upside down. He gets trapped in a cat and mouse chase. Except, it's the government and him. Fortunately, he makes it to the rebellion camp, where he thinks that life will go back to normal. Completely unaware of what’s going to happen at his “new home”. In the end, his choices pave the path for the chase.
"Life is a big gamble, that we, with or without our consent are the high rollers. But, unlike the game, we don't have any power or control. It's all in the hands of the dealer."
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49評論
4.42
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寫檢討
Writing in first person is a really bold move and congrats to you for actually doing it. The characters especially Stella are well developed. Just work on the grammar a bit and the book will be awesome
A very unique and capturing start to the book! The main character is very interesting and I think readers will have a fun type getting to know his personality and feelings! Wonder what's coming in the next chapters... One thing I had a hard time w was keeping up with the continuous long descriptions of places and structures in the beginning chapters. It would have been better to add a few interactive scenes in between to break it up a bit, but I think it's just me haha. Over all it's very nice Good luck and good work Fellow Author!!!
So I read up to chapter 7 and I liked the sister character a lot. Really good concept. I noticed only 2 mistakes in the chapters so it's almost perfect. The story is interesting and if I read something more than 2 chapters you know it's good. I wouldn't nitpick and I liked the story and character. Keep up the good work. I also have a question for you so If you read this can I ask you a question?
Woah! I read like six chapters, and you left me a deep impression. The novel is good, the synopsis is intriguing. The dialogues are spot on, and the characters feel lively. Although I could find grammatical mistakes here and there, I don't mind. We are not participating in the literature competition here. I am sure you can improve in the future. Keep up the great work!
Wow, I can tell you have had writers block. But look at you! Writing and improvising. Honestly, amazing. Shows how much resistant you are. I am so proud of you. Please keep writing! Amazing work!!!
The twist and turns in this is phenomenal. Very well written with captivating characters. Not to mention, a compelling storyline. Well done!
I really like this, I love the world building of this story. Characters are engaging and a special mention to the bold move author took to write this in the first person, as writing in first person can many times lead to the story being one-toned as it's told from the perspective of a single person, but it doesn't feel that way. Just shows the skills of the writer. There are small errors here and there but no one expects perfection! Being a writer myself I understand it can happen and should be neglected. And I am waiting on more chapters now ;)
The story has an interesting concept. Writing would benefit from an edit and a review of flow. There were several time where the story jump from here to there without a lead in, which made it hard to follow. A few times something would change from one paragraph to the next like the author changed their mind but forgot to go back and change it. Again, interesting story concept, just needs editing and flow check.
The start of the novel was actually REALLY well done. My only gripe was the extreme exposition dump that came almost immediately after. I felt a little dreadful after that, sure, but I continued to read and really liked the narration and the tone of the book overall. The characters do get a little jumbled up and confused in my head, but I'm never really good at memorizing characters unless they have extremely distinctive features, so take that as you will. I personally enjoyed the worldbuilding, but I also felt that it was a little too similar to make other novels that I have read before. Despite such, I did like what I read so far, and I hope you continue to write this novel.
It's damn good! I like the plot and your writing style is really good, it helps to visualize everything so clearly. My suggestion would be to break those dense paragraphs and to separate dialogues and descriptions. Good work, Author!!
many well wishes for the author because he brought us such a great story. the opening chapter was amazing. I like how you have written the story but it needs more world building. hope you will improve more.
The author's eloquence is impressive, and every word holds weight as you read the story and delve right into the mysterious plot. The introduction was quite unique, and the POV you have chosen seems accurate for the story you're writing. Good luck author! You've got a great story here, keep it up!
I'll be honest, this is a refreshing concept of a story! Who doesn't want an dystopian world? It has a lot of vital information about the story! Although I have only the few parts of the book, I can say this is going to be awesome! I pointed out some gramatiical mistakes in the comment's section. I hope that helps!
It's very rare to find a novel that has such a distinctive voice. For me, after ambiance, the most important aspect of a novel is its main character. This novel presented me a tasty main character with feeling. The writer writes with perseverance and executed literary devices like a person who really loves what they are doing. A hearty five-stars to you because to persevere is the hardest, most challenging thing a writer must do and you have done it.
The story has potential! The plot is conventional and well-developed though the author will need to distinguish their story through exploring the world background a bit more, offering more insight to the characters and taking up the writing quality by a notch. The grammar and writing quality was fine for the most part except some awkward phrasing and the occasional grammar mistake. In the first few chapters, the story also has a problem with long paragraphs that need to be broken down into smaller ones to make it more digestible to mobile readers. Keep up the good work!
Okay. I just finished reading the first 41ch. I must say that I'm impressed. The author really has experience writing, and the subject is very good. It has a very unique way of writing style, which technically, is amazing. Keep up the good work Author! Kudos to you!
It's rare to come across stories written in first person's point of view. It's a great gamble and a challenge on its own. I like how the author has brought out the emotions of the characters. The story has the ability to grip your attention and make you want to read more and more. Overall, the story is good. Keep up the good work author!
I've read up to chapter 7 and so far everything is good. I dont usually read past chapter 5 but this has some really interesting premise. It doesn't beat around the Bush and gets straight to the focal point of the action. Grammar seems to be pretty good as well. Overall a very interesting premise for a novel. Hope to see more of it in the future :)
the book is intriguing. like a good suspense thriller should. though i have still not been able to understand what is happening, i feel this can be a good book. the grammar needs to improve.
I'm not going to sugar-coat my review, so I hope you don't get too offended. Just know that I'm giving these criticisms because I want to help you improve. To start off, your story was a great opening. It captured my attention and made me want to read more. Unfortunately, (and this seems to be a common problem) there are numerous grammar mistakes. Always remember to proofread your work. I'm not an editor, so I won't point out specifics. Instead, I want to give advice on the actual story. The main character is interesting, but his tone of voice and choice of words are inconsistent. The syntax that you used makes him sound like some sort of a sassy girl, and I'm having a hard time taking him seriously. Additionally, the descriptions tend to shift between using contractions and not using contractions. I suggest that you stick with using contractions if you want to keep a casual tone because writing the words longhand can break the flow of the prose. The final thing I want to mention is the worldbuilding (and this ties into the plot and characters as well). For the most part, the world just feels like a basic post-apocalypse with nothing special. I have only read up to the fifth chapter in detail (I've skimmed forward a little bit), but I didn't find anything that distinguished your world from others. For readers, the biggest appeal for a post-apocalyptic novel is the setting, but if it isn't interesting, then I find it hard to keep reading. If you want, you can start by developing interesting characters and later giving more detail on the world itself. But, the issue is that most of the characters aren't interesting at all. I think that the issue stems from the fact that much of the words are taken up by the main character's babbling and exposition. The story would have been much more engaging if you had taken the time to show how different characters interacted and revealed their motivations. That's all I have to say, and I hope I didn't discourage you at all. I think your work has much potential, so I wanted to help you get better at writing. Keep up the good work!