摘要
This is a story of a young woman with a great interest in serving people and fighting for their rights and well to live.
Isabella Han or Ella is a fresh graduate from Stanford University, Stanford Law School in California and returned to Beijing to practice law and served her country.
Arriving at Beijing airport Ella who is used to be fetched by her parents or their driver is now taking a cab to where her friend's apartment.
Upon seating in the backseat car, Ella who is just leaning her back to the seat and about to take her nap was disturbed by the sudden buzz of her phone. She opens her eyes and reached her bag to get her phone and see who message her.
Message: Hi there, sending you this message to warn you to please notify me once you reached Beijing at least a message will do. You already knew my apartments' password and there is food in the fridge. Fill your tummy before you take your rest I’ll be coming late so feel at home. Welcome back home friend. Mwwwuuaahh.
A smile appears in her face as she reads Usa's messages.
Susana Wen or Usa was her classmate since elementary and her best friend when her father disown her Usa was there to support her from time to time. Until she passed the scholarship in California. It was Usa knew what was her struggles with, so when her friend message or call her she felt warm in her heart.
She replied: Hahahaha okay. Nag, nag, nag why acting like a mom?! Is that what you learned working at the firm? By the way, thank you for your undying care hahaha I'm on my way to your place. And take care of yourself too.
As she finished typing and clicks the send buttons her phone buzz again and on the notification bar she saw it was a message from her nanny.
Message: Young miss I just want to inform you that your father knew you arrived and madam wishes you to be safe and sound. I miss you so much, young miss. sob sob
She starred to the screen for a few seconds and decided to delete the messages without replying to her nanny.
’Does he hates me to the Core? Doesn't he love me anymore? I missed them so much. But what should I do?’
_____________________________________________
(scene from chapter 13)
12 midnight.
Christian: "where were you? Book me a room at this hotel, now!" he hung the call leaving his assistant frightened by his sudden call and to think of it, it's still in the middle of the night.
"And where might be him right now...?" assistant Tang thought to himself as he dials his boss number.
"H--hello, Mr. L--Lee, If possible where would you want me to book you? At this moment I don't have the idea where were y--"when the sentences were cut by Christian.
"Clubtango, Dongcheng," Christian said impatiently.
'Why does my body felt like burning all of sudden?' the question himself as he waited for his secretary.
1 am
Reaching the 10th floor, the elevator ding as it reached its destination with the door open. The presidential suite of the hotel is located on the 10th floor of the building and is composed of 10 rooms unlike on the other floors the whole floor consists of 100 rooms.
As the elevator door, open Ella walk out sluggishly and a bit tipsy. She scans the place and realizes the long and wide hallway with white walls.
"I should just tell them to book me an ordinary room, sigh, it's a long way for me."
She looks at her hotel card and saw her room number "9"
She walks through and through until she reached the room."Oh, there you are"a smirk could be seen in her face as she manages to get through the card but to no avail. Yet as she almost lost her footing and she leans on the door to her surprise it was already open.
"Oh, that's why I can't open it because of it already open. What kind of staff they have left the door open after cleaning. tsk, tsk." she mumbles till she reached the bedroom and jump on the bed and she falls from her dreamland.
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14評論
4.06
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
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Hi dear author. Your story has a potential, its just that there are bit of grammatical errors. Try to find an editor or a proofreader, or maybe an app that corrects errors. We all have our moments so, its okay. We always grow. Keep going.😊
Holy heck, this was a chore to read. First of all, the GRAMMAR. Wow. If I didn't pledge myself to review this, I would have dropped it at the first chapter. The lack of care the author puts in editing this makes my blood boil. I have little problems with the capitalisation, but the distinct lack of punctuation gets on my gears more than I would like to admit. I see emojis sprinkled here and there, so I assume that the author is using their phone to write? Gosh, darling, please, PLEASE do not turn off your spellcheck. It is horrendous to the point where I could barely concentrate on the story. Yes, I am being harsh. Second of all, what is that formatting? Sudden wall texts in one minute, then a whole bunch of poorly structured dialogue the next. Are you okay? And most of the things written in those long paragraphs aren't even significant. Could've just kept it short and summarised. Please, make it a habit to write only what you think is absolutely, ABSOLUTELY AND INDISPUTABLY necessary to the plot whenever you see yourself writing a long paragraph. But, nevertheless, these mistakes can easily be fixed, so do not be discouraged. I see that the author has the willingness to improve, which can be seen throughout the chapters. In fact, the reason why I gave this novel a four-star rating was exactly because of this. Hopefully, the author will improve on their writing. I'd recommend using sites or tools like ProWritingAid or something to help with editing your chapters. Please, do not think that I hate you. I only wish you the best in writing this story and hope that you'll be able to improve your skills. Do your best and good luck.
Good story. Nice touch with the emojis, the plot seems good and interesting. writing quality need some edit but overall good story with lovely characters. Good work author.
you have put great effort in book and improves with each chapter. It would be great if you can ask some one to edit your chapters then it will be even better. Keep up the good work!👍👍👍👍
This is the work of a non native speaker who is struggling to write her first story. She is trying her best and I want to encourage her. Because of that reason I will be lenient with my review. The good points: The story is interesting and the mc is well designed. The interactions with her friend is the best of the story. The faceslapping scenes are actually very good. Also there are a few moments that made me laugh a lot. The secondary characters need more development but hopefully this will happen in later chapters. The creative use of emoticons is well applied by the Author. The bad points: Grammar. Spelling. Wall text. Urgent need for edition, especially the earlier chapters. And it needs a new synopsis. But she is a begginer and this things usually happen at all non-native english speakers at the beginning. Give it a try! I am sure the Author will appreciate your interest in her work!
Hi. Your novel has a lot of potential but I felt confused sometimes because of the grammar and punctuation. With more practice and work this would be a good story.
Thankfully the synopsis has nothing to do with the story yet. I really don't like the scene described there, so I hope it never does... Despite the lack of / misuse of tenses, it's pretty understandable while reading. However, from chapter to chapter the characters actions don't seem continuous, and as far as I can tell, all of the attractions are purely physical? My impression so far: a very intelligent (but socially confused) girl who has just finished her schooling, is still crushing on a transfer student that she met in highschool. But keep practicing. The flow of the writing isn't bad, so as your world and character building improve, and you get used to the oddities of English, you should be able to say what you're trying to say eventually.
The story is pretty good. I 😍 how you pit emoticons in your novel. Though some may not like it but I feel that feelings show better with some visual help. I love Ella's character. Honestly, I finished this too quick. Maybe becoz the chapters are a bit short!? Aish, I have nothing more to say. Thank u for the chapters. Sayonara.
This review is part of a review swap and valid as of chapter 11. Chapters are short, so the story thus far is limited to an introductionary scene, a flashback and a school reunion party. It is, all in all a confusing read. Stars. Writing: Two stars. Poor English. Add that the syntax is for a phone-chat which makes for an extremely strange read for someone like me who sits behind a laptop watching one emoticon after another pop up on the screen. Updates. 11 chapters. No complaints. Five stars. Story. It works. Start in medias res, flashback for some background and tie those two scenes together for the reunion party. Four stars. Character. Up until now we're seeing names rather than persons. And there are a lot of names to boot. This one is bound to get better as more chapters are added to the story. Three stars. World. The setting consists of brand names, be they bags or buildings, but there is very little setting given for those of us who are unfamiliar with those brands. Three stars.
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So, heres the review, my dear author. The story's interesting and got me hooked up fir quite sometimes. Romance is good and enjoyable but the only thing that needs some work would be the punctuation and sentence structure. Just a bit of editing and it would be awesome!! My suggestion, read ur chapter two times before posting it. I do it too and itavfabulous how many mistakes u can spot. At first, it will seem like a headache but then it will be quite enjoyable and helpful. Nothing beats the happiness of correcting ur own work and making it better!! Best of luck!!
This novel desperately needs to be edited. It is on the right track and after reading I can assume that English is not the author's first language. The plot is good. Haha, first novel I've seen with emoji; cute, made me smile. I like the friendship between Ella and Usa. Fighting author!
go go go go author just keep on writing though your work/ chapters are short you still have a lot of room for improvement. but really curious on what happened. That the guy knew she was pregnant and aborted a child compare to her...hahaha so i don't mind grammatically wrong or not as long as i could feel the thoughts.
Hi I’m your shameless author😅 I really want to express my thanks to those who viewed my work but please i need your ratings and comments may it be negative or possitve so it motivate me to write more. In actuality these is my first writings except for my notes and filling documents😆😆😆. So guys please write your comments here. And thank you 😘😘😘😘
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