/ Fantasy / His only sunshine
摘要
“College student, Liam, starts to experience peculiar changes to his body after his 20th birthday. After he meets Jack, a man with a violent temperament, Liam begins to notice an incessant voice in his mind saying “mate”. Will Jack be the key to solving this mystery or is there something else fate has in store for Liam?”
No One 17 and Under Admitted
標籤
-- 推薦票
榜單 
-- 推薦票 你也許也喜歡
2評論
- 寫作品質
- 更新的穩定性
- 故事發展
- 人物形象設計
- 世界背景
與他人分享您的想法
寫檢討
LV 2 ![Badge]()
Incredible how you were able to add as much detail to each scene as you did. Usually, it seems very pretentious "Literature class" type when a scene is over-explained but your explanations added a lot without anything seeming unnecessary. Great Job!
Novel has potential, but author struggles with grammar, pacing and proper usage of tenses at the time of writing. Paragraphs are very stuck together, many run on sentences or words inserted without a clear flow into them. Protagonist's mental thoughts and emotions at times come off as scattered and not as easy to follow, or the wrong word is being used to describe them. Can be a 5/5 if formatting + wording and tenses are cleaned up, along with more careful touches upon the protagonist and characters themselves.