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king of the former dynasty-(moved to a new link) Nguyên gốc

king of the former dynasty-(moved to a new link)

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Tác giả: Dgirlblusky

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Tóm tắt

The twelve year old prince was just coronated as the king after his father's death.A rebellion took place and all the members of the royal family was killed but it was rumored that the king escaped.

Teri,the 7 year old of the son of the great general was rumored of being a half ghost and interacts with ghost.He was called the weaver.He was the second weaver after centuries in his family bloodline.He was born dead and was buried in a box but his mother heard the baby cries from underneath the ground and dug the box out.with shock,the baby was still alive with red threads on his fingers.The rest that was with her ran away but she kept the child and the red threads choose him.

Teri's father,the great general refused to serve the new king.He showed Teri a box which contained three objects that will find their owners just as the red threads found him.He gave it to his second daughter,Darlene who was 11 years old and told his wife to escape with the children to a faraway place.The great general was then killed after his family escaped.The constables looked for his family but couldn't find them.

His wife found about his death days later.As a woman with no source of income and three children,she remarried.

The happy days were little as Teri's step father hated that Teri could interacts with ghost so he gave him a poisoned pastry which made him blind.But still ,he hated him and wanted to kill him but his mother intervened and was killed.

He heard his mother scream and his first sister's ghost,Selena,told him what have happened.With fury,Teri killed his stepfather and destroyed his mansion.He ran away with his sisters, Selena's ghost,Darlene and elley,his little sister who was 5 years old

Years has passed,17 year old Teri still has the items in the box.The sword,for the king of the former dynasty,the red whip and the flexible spear.
would he be able to find the owners of the items?

Người hâm mộ

  1. QuinnKey
    QuinnKey Đóng góp 10
  2. _Shuang_Wei
    _Shuang_Wei Đóng góp 5
  3. Dgirlblusky
    Dgirlblusky Đóng góp 5

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Viết đánh giá
QuinnKey

I'll start with the problem first. Your dialogues are quite good, but the lack of space and improper use of punctuation are disappointing. It lessen the depth of story and not enjoyable. You can fix it by editing.The first chapter was amazing, and imagining how a ghost weaver works is enjoyable. Going to re-read it again from the start once you fix this issues.

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1yr
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_Shuang_Wei

Your stories are easy to read and enjoyable . Just need to remove redundancy Good story . Everyone give it a try Recommended

1yr
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Tác giả Dgirlblusky