Chương 11: All These Little Things That I’ve Done
Last evening I socialized a lot, but I cannot be 'Batman' forever, it's killing my throat doing it for so long, since my normal emotionless voice is only 50% girly I decide to stop change my voice, I could use an easier voice, but they're pretty stupid, I normally use them joke around making impressions or dubbing a character of a soap-opera... Oh, I also found out that Lizathir is, as expected, a merchant, he travel together with Dhalkin and Co. when the move from a city to another one, in that way it's more safe and in exchange he help them with the supplies.
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In this moment I'm making 'friendship bracelets', those DIY bracelets are made by weaving and knotting threads, ya know ?
I plan to use them as bookmarks for the notebooks and a braided string of twine to keep it close and the cover created by stitching leather scraps of different shades together.
I get pretty good at these types of manual jobs, while watching movies and TV series I used to make bracelets or knit, as the simple patterns I can now make them with my eyes closed.
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These weaves of threads reminds me of the elementary school, at that time they were very fashionable among the little girls, we called them scoobydoo...the most common versions were square, round and flat that were done using four threads. That was the newbie level, every time something new was discovered, such as the spiral one, the one with six threads, then the friendship bracelets arrived, since then we have indulged with the various types of patterns, the wave, the diamond, the one with the flowers and the difficulty increased with the number of threads, so we helped with a cardboard scrape, the toilet paper tube was the most used.
The "founding club" had also spread during the 4th year, which ceased to exist (the clubs) after a few days, if not the same day it was created. During that time, I also had my first and last 'boyfriend' , a morning he just asked me if I wanna be his girlfriend and I accepted, then during lunch time, while we were in line at the school canteen, he was stoked to me, it annoyed me a lot so I told him to stay away from me, feeling offended he decided to broke up with me and I was just like "Ah...ok...I don't understand why, but okay. ( ๑･ ͟ ･๑ )"
Apparently my childhood is not all to be thrown away...there's a lot of pleasant memories...
Like those of the Jesus Christ made with mud and attached to a cross of 2 twigs bounded together, my friend even had the idea to put two small berries on his chest as boobs, at least he had the right skin color, during the religion class, looking at the images I always wondered why jesus was white despite being in Arabia, and yes...I used to think that Jesus was Arab.
Putting aside my outbursts and my stupidity together with the consequences of the latter, more or less serious that they are (even crimes) and parents who do not know well how to raise a child (even now, my father don't know what to do, like when my 6 years old sister broke her arm at school, he let she walk by herself to the hospital only holding her other hand, she had not cried until my grandmother picked her up...)
Anyway my childhood does not make me too much sucks... only embarrassment.
The childhood used to be bright, filled with simple emotions and needs, easy to make friends... but at home, things is different, we were more near the reality and some parents didn't help and just slap it on our face. I've never been a sociable one like other children, being a 'foreigner' made me less talkative and a bit hard to approach at the same time, I'm not sure, but that was my feelings.
In any case I had a neutral relationship with almost everyone and heard a lot from the chat between the teachers during break about the situation of other child, and my classmates often talk about those things, but without really comprehend in what situation they are.
Some year later I learned that no one is really normal, just apparently.
During middle school I maintained contact only with my closest friend, and I did not make any significant friendship in those 3 years, the same was for the years to come, I no longer really considered any friend and it became more and more difficult to believe in ties that I already had...I was scared...scared that all the things l'm believing is just an illusion, a lie...and I'm still scared...some time I don't even believe myself.
Should I trust others a bit more... Voltaire said that "doubt is not pleasant, but certainty is ridiculous, only imbeciles are sure of what they say" ...
But does this not make us eternally irresolute people? Can you really live this way?
Since we are adult, we should draw a line somewhere to be consistent with our ideology, shouldn't we ?
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