The walking dead Carl Grimes twin brother

LV 13

king_sake

Its ight but this is for fUn ill take suggestions but Dont bash me if its not good because it honestly for me i just decided to post it somewhere so yea leave reviews give me suggestion of what You want to see and if i like it ill put it in there also there are to main characters the Other main character will be introuduced at the prison most likely

LV 1

Lake_Klan

I like it you should make zane like a loner and ride motercycles and be like Daryl please make him and Daryl like brother's or something love the story man

LV 15

BrianG9677

It's a fan fiction but mc isn't reincarnated so for me makes reading it pointless If reincarnated you can use future knowledge etc for things he does, the differences in personalities etc etc But due to not being reincarnated he doesn't know what will happen makes it feel as a fan fiction of another story weak

LV 1

dixmix_Aguila

the oc Zane, it is not relevant in the story, everything is mainly about rick and his group as in the tv series, everything he does is always something similar to carl, it does not make sense that this in the story, he was when sofia he dies and nothing different happened. Sofia dies anyway, but Zane doesn't do anything relevant, then he has mental problems and Rick lets him go with Shane to look for Carl's drugs, brother ... really? Rick and Shane would never have approved of it, he's just a kid ...

LV 4

Gd_Sys

moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

LV 4

Krutch

Deleted my previous review as my main issue (the spacing) was fixed (thank you for that, author! Much easier to read now). Since you took the time to do that, I'll give a real review (I know, on webnovel?! There are no real reviews here!). Writing quality still isn't the best; some unnatural sounding dialogue and punctuation. It's a bit odd though. On one hand, you take the time to describe the characters (which I like), on the other, you get lazy with some character interactions (saying 2 people have a normal relationship instead of showing how it's normal). Given that this is a fanfic, it is arguably much more important to focus on the relationships between characters and develop in that direction, since we can already picture every character (excluding OC). Seems to be updated with some frequency, which is a plus, especially considering the lack of reviews. Character design is far from the worst. Carl changes a bit (which he should! Having a sibling vs. growing up an only child is bound to effect things). Biggest issue for me is their development rate. This is a place where less detail would have been better. Mastering karate and kendo in 3 years is crazy, especially for 7-10 year olds. You could have just said they took these disciplines for a few years and advanced quickly since you want to give them a background in martial arts. Noone would bat an eye at that point if they do something involving either; being so specific about their progression makes it unbelievable. 5"7' at 10 is huge too, but not unheard of at least. Most fanfic authors seem to have this trouble of making children giants for some reason. World background: not much to say, its walking dead. Background for the world should be known if you're reading a fanfic on it. I won't make comment on story development since I've only read to chapter 4. Unfortunately, I won't be reading further than that. Story immersion is huge for me and when something ruins that it makes the story unenjoyable. I don't mean this review to sound disparaging (sorry if it does). I just figured you'd prefer a real review to see what needs to be worked on to a half assed "3 stars, not reading more" kind of review that doesn't tell you whats good or bad. If you work on this fic for a while, then decide to make a new fanfic or overhaul this one after you've gotten more experience, shoot me a message! I'd like to read something of yours thats more polished.

LV 1

First_Name_8532

well I can't really say anything bad because you really just started this one so yea I'll he off for a bit and change review if this get any better good luck man