25รีวิว
3.95
- คุณภาพงานเขียน
- ความเสถียรของการอัปเดต
- การดำเนินเรื่อง
- กาสร้างตัวละคร
- พื้นหลังโลก
แบ่งปันความคิดของคุณกับผู้อื่น
เขียนรีวิว
Well, it was a fun concept but I think you just went too far into the endgame of the story too quickly. basically from the beginning, you showed there's a bigger story instead of small hints. Should have just stayed in the moment enjoying teasing everyone. Let him join a familia because that's a key point of this world.
The concept is interesting, the update rate is within the norm, there is no plot development, the main character is beta in this story, there is no plot line of his own (at the moment), he can be safely removed and nothing will change in the official plot. The character design is simple, a mess of everything and everything. The history of the world, the official plot interspersed with originality (but this is too little). Generally so-so.
don't give up because of low grades. Keep writing. I hope that gg will have its own plot, unrelated to Bell. Like Rin in this world or something. Kakashi.
I felt like obito was just a side character. He didn't change anything just live in the shadow of bell really. such a waste of potential of this fic
Honestly, I like the mc has obito's funny personality, it's just what the author did with the ability ticks me off. Still great idea for a ff.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UmU, what to say... I LIKE IT!!!
bro why did you give him a gun you are literally dump that doesn't fit his fighting style at all like I get you want to be different but why a gun it doesn't even match the world either like what is wrong with you I wish I can give 0 stars. it is a good idea but you did this so wrong WITH A GUN LIKE WHY bro this is so stupid
Only read the first chapter so I'll only be criticising based on what I saw. First due to your lacking vocabulary and grammar not only are you incapable of conveying your ideas and thoughts across, it also greatly limits how smoothly the story flows. Second, I find your choice to simply hand the Mc his reincarnation and powers extremely bland and unimaginative not to mention unearned. No matter how cool the powers are, if they are simply handed to you then they feel empty. Though I'll give you a pass on this one since it's your first time and since R.O.B handing out powers for BS reasons like good Karma or the Mc's death being the fault of R.O.B is sadly a common trop. Don't worry about it I did it on my first story as well. Third, Your dialogue skills abhorrent, the conversations don't feel natural or realistic enough. I hope you can accept the critique of a fellow author whom speaks English as a third language as well and I hope that you will use it in the future to improve, It'll take years of practice but you can definitely reach the level of a professional in the future, I've seen it happen before with other authors and with myself as well. Talent and creativity isn't everything in writing, just like any art form, repeated practice is 90% of what makes the art great. No matter how brilliant you are, if you can articulate your ideas then they are just that, ideas.
I enjoy the Tobi character interactions. I dislike the newly introduced plot about the mc being manipulated. I dislike the gun as a weapon, fighting with a chain or Kumas is more obito’s speed. I dislike how the mc only has one eye and doesn’t use wood even though akatski obito could. The mc seemed super weak but the otter chapter clarified that it was a soul problem so that’s no longer an issue. The writing needs work, the author needs a wider insult vocab and more descriptive vocab too. I’m really not a fan of bell so the mc being around bell is meh, tobi as a character is amazing and so far bell hasn’t brought that down so we’ll see but I really hate bell as a character. idk if I’ll come back to read we’ll see
Well, its an interesting idea...... and that's it. U say Obito's power, but there's only the fire style and sharingan, well u could say its just the beginning and there will be more, but things simply don't add up. As a teenager Obito posed a challenge to the Fourth Hokage. As an adult, he defeated Root's most skilled ninja, and simultaneously held his own against Konoha's top shinobi and Killer B. Obito was proficient in taijutsu as he fought on par with Kakashi on several occasions, while controlling the outcome of their last fight. His physical strength and speed were great enough to lift Konan by her throat with one hand while gravely injured, impale someone by running his arm through their chest, and keep up with Naruto's Nine-Tails Chakra Mode, but can't kill a Monster on the first floor without a weapon ? Getting stronger ? I would say, that he is already the strongest adventurer out there and yet u fail to portray him as such. In addition to that I have to say, that the grammar here is pretty bad. There is simply no conjugation in here. I simply can't understand why u would write a story in English when u apparently fail to use it appropriately. Everything would be better with better grammar, I mean almost everything mentioned above is still easily changeable and not really that bad and could be enjoyable, but the grammar really ruins it all. Missing conjugation is something that I can't overlook and the lack of it disturbs the reading flow. Well overall its a 1.4
I love this story, to be honest, though it had a few flaws I still love it. Hope you will continue this author I enjoy this fanfic very much.
Haven't read a single chapter but this idea sounds so great that I wait to see what comes out of it good luck and good health author, you need both of those.
if he said his name was tobi it would've been much better the more over the top and trolling he is the better because we know tobi can do it
Hello !! How many floors should a bag of rice have, how many floors should a bag of rice have, how much should you pay for a bag of rice, how much should you wash a bag of rice, each grain is muddy, to whom you gave a bag of rice! Spicy Tiansai! ! ! Jiraiya swimming in the sea of dragons and angelica, popsicles melting under the street lamp
PLEASE DON'T DROP.PLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROP
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Yoo can u hurry up and write more chapters 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁😔😔😔💔
I like obito as tobi act,so funny[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
It’s a really mediocre fic the action stinks and the character interaction is ruined by the Author decision to make the main character Tobi like in all of the interactions with his over the top actions and general stupidity it fells like im reading a story about tobi being in the story rather than a whole new character with obitos abilities even though he was nerfed by the author he was supposed to Get everything obito had to offer at the time of his joining the akatsuki but he has a normal person strength and speed and he doesn’t have wood justu but I don’t know if he did have wood style by then so maybe I’m wrong but still it’s basically just chapter after chapter of the worst parts of a lot of anime,over the top moments like running away crying or calling people dogs or say stop barking it’ just Annoying to read after I was excited about the original concept also the writing and grammer as a whole is just bad but the author put that as a warning in the synopsis so I can’t fault them too much on that
As for the first rage, it is very good. I'm waiting for the continuation. Good luck,[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
I have not watch danmachi so will I be able to enjoy this. but don't worry I known obito.
Well, it was a fun concept but I think you just went too far into the endgame of the story too quickly. basically from the beginning, you showed there's a bigger story instead of small hints. Should have just stayed in the moment enjoying teasing everyone. Let him join a familia because that's a key point of this world.
The concept is interesting, the update rate is within the norm, there is no plot development, the main character is beta in this story, there is no plot line of his own (at the moment), he can be safely removed and nothing will change in the official plot. The character design is simple, a mess of everything and everything. The history of the world, the official plot interspersed with originality (but this is too little). Generally so-so.
don't give up because of low grades. Keep writing. I hope that gg will have its own plot, unrelated to Bell. Like Rin in this world or something. Kakashi.
I felt like obito was just a side character. He didn't change anything just live in the shadow of bell really. such a waste of potential of this fic
Honestly, I like the mc has obito's funny personality, it's just what the author did with the ability ticks me off. Still great idea for a ff.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . UmU, what to say... I LIKE IT!!!
bro why did you give him a gun you are literally dump that doesn't fit his fighting style at all like I get you want to be different but why a gun it doesn't even match the world either like what is wrong with you I wish I can give 0 stars. it is a good idea but you did this so wrong WITH A GUN LIKE WHY bro this is so stupid
Only read the first chapter so I'll only be criticising based on what I saw. First due to your lacking vocabulary and grammar not only are you incapable of conveying your ideas and thoughts across, it also greatly limits how smoothly the story flows. Second, I find your choice to simply hand the Mc his reincarnation and powers extremely bland and unimaginative not to mention unearned. No matter how cool the powers are, if they are simply handed to you then they feel empty. Though I'll give you a pass on this one since it's your first time and since R.O.B handing out powers for BS reasons like good Karma or the Mc's death being the fault of R.O.B is sadly a common trop. Don't worry about it I did it on my first story as well. Third, Your dialogue skills abhorrent, the conversations don't feel natural or realistic enough. I hope you can accept the critique of a fellow author whom speaks English as a third language as well and I hope that you will use it in the future to improve, It'll take years of practice but you can definitely reach the level of a professional in the future, I've seen it happen before with other authors and with myself as well. Talent and creativity isn't everything in writing, just like any art form, repeated practice is 90% of what makes the art great. No matter how brilliant you are, if you can articulate your ideas then they are just that, ideas.
I enjoy the Tobi character interactions. I dislike the newly introduced plot about the mc being manipulated. I dislike the gun as a weapon, fighting with a chain or Kumas is more obito’s speed. I dislike how the mc only has one eye and doesn’t use wood even though akatski obito could. The mc seemed super weak but the otter chapter clarified that it was a soul problem so that’s no longer an issue. The writing needs work, the author needs a wider insult vocab and more descriptive vocab too. I’m really not a fan of bell so the mc being around bell is meh, tobi as a character is amazing and so far bell hasn’t brought that down so we’ll see but I really hate bell as a character. idk if I’ll come back to read we’ll see
Well, its an interesting idea...... and that's it. U say Obito's power, but there's only the fire style and sharingan, well u could say its just the beginning and there will be more, but things simply don't add up. As a teenager Obito posed a challenge to the Fourth Hokage. As an adult, he defeated Root's most skilled ninja, and simultaneously held his own against Konoha's top shinobi and Killer B. Obito was proficient in taijutsu as he fought on par with Kakashi on several occasions, while controlling the outcome of their last fight. His physical strength and speed were great enough to lift Konan by her throat with one hand while gravely injured, impale someone by running his arm through their chest, and keep up with Naruto's Nine-Tails Chakra Mode, but can't kill a Monster on the first floor without a weapon ? Getting stronger ? I would say, that he is already the strongest adventurer out there and yet u fail to portray him as such. In addition to that I have to say, that the grammar here is pretty bad. There is simply no conjugation in here. I simply can't understand why u would write a story in English when u apparently fail to use it appropriately. Everything would be better with better grammar, I mean almost everything mentioned above is still easily changeable and not really that bad and could be enjoyable, but the grammar really ruins it all. Missing conjugation is something that I can't overlook and the lack of it disturbs the reading flow. Well overall its a 1.4
I love this story, to be honest, though it had a few flaws I still love it. Hope you will continue this author I enjoy this fanfic very much.
Haven't read a single chapter but this idea sounds so great that I wait to see what comes out of it good luck and good health author, you need both of those.
if he said his name was tobi it would've been much better the more over the top and trolling he is the better because we know tobi can do it
Hello !! How many floors should a bag of rice have, how many floors should a bag of rice have, how much should you pay for a bag of rice, how much should you wash a bag of rice, each grain is muddy, to whom you gave a bag of rice! Spicy Tiansai! ! ! Jiraiya swimming in the sea of dragons and angelica, popsicles melting under the street lamp
PLEASE DON'T DROP.PLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROPPLEASE DON'T DROP
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Yoo can u hurry up and write more chapters 🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁🙁😔😔😔💔
I like obito as tobi act,so funny[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
It’s a really mediocre fic the action stinks and the character interaction is ruined by the Author decision to make the main character Tobi like in all of the interactions with his over the top actions and general stupidity it fells like im reading a story about tobi being in the story rather than a whole new character with obitos abilities even though he was nerfed by the author he was supposed to Get everything obito had to offer at the time of his joining the akatsuki but he has a normal person strength and speed and he doesn’t have wood justu but I don’t know if he did have wood style by then so maybe I’m wrong but still it’s basically just chapter after chapter of the worst parts of a lot of anime,over the top moments like running away crying or calling people dogs or say stop barking it’ just Annoying to read after I was excited about the original concept also the writing and grammer as a whole is just bad but the author put that as a warning in the synopsis so I can’t fault them too much on that
As for the first rage, it is very good. I'm waiting for the continuation. Good luck,[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
I have not watch danmachi so will I be able to enjoy this. but don't worry I known obito.
What happens, please tell me why you decided to start over.