บท 176: Coming Out 4
I am gay. Those three words placed a great magnitude of pressure on Li Ming. The young man lived with those three words ever since he discovered his sexuality preference. It was something that a person should be proud of and yet, in Ming's life, was one of the greatest boons of all time. The two people in his life that had cared for him the most, his parents, hated and dreaded to ever hear those three words come out of any of their children's mouth.
It could be said that it was like their greatest nightmare had come true when Ming came out of the closet to the both of them.
"Wha..What did you say?" Rong Xing choked on her words as she asked.
"I am gay." The words sounded louder this time in their master bedroom.
This time, both of Ming's parents heard him clearly. It was like a town bell, clanging sonorously. The sound of despair and hopelessness echoed in their ears. And then, tears started rolling down Rong Xing's face. Her eyes never shunned away from Ming as she looked at the floor speechlessly. Ming's father, Li Fei didn't make a sound and just looked sternly at his son. Disappointment. Confusion. Unhappiness. Those three words were written on the two people that stood in front of Ming.
Ming stood unmovingly as his hands were balled into fists tightly. The act of coming out to his parents had been weighing him down for the longest time. And today, even if it was for a brief moment, Ming felt the lightest he had even been. The weights that hunched him over for many years were lifted as he spoke those three words. It all came back again when Rong Xing went back to her usual self.
"Sweetie, what if you are not gay and you are actually just confused?" Desperation. Recklessness. Foolhardiness. With Ming's silence, Rong Xing was grasping on straws at this point. "Sweetie…You can't do this to mom. You can't!"
"Mom, dad," Ming did not falter. After feeling that moment of bliss and relief, he knew better than to give up. "There is no mistake when I say that I am gay. I have realised I was like this ever since I was in high school. And many years after, my thoughts and feelings have not once changed!"
"No! No! I don't want to hear this!" Hysterical, Rong Xing covered her ears. She cowered backwards as Li Fei helped to support her.
"Get out!" Li Fei sternly warned, "Go back to your room and reflect on yourself! What a disgrace!"
Li Ming did not go against his father's orders. Rather, there wasn't anymore reason for him to be in front of his parents. He knew that nothing would enter his parent's heads after he had dropped such a huge bomb on them.
Outside, three boys were peaking over the corner. They had heard a general idea of what their older brother was. Li Dong, the second oldest, had also helped to explain to the younger twins as to what it meant. When Ming saw his three brothers, he smiled resignedly. At that moment, he couldn't be bothered to know what his brothers thought of him. His mind was tired and now, all he wanted was to lie in bed and rest.
As he was walking towards the stairs, Ming's only sister, Li Xin, had arrived home. The 14 year old girl was glad to see his older brother and had given him a hug. However, with good intuition, she realised something was wrong.
"What's up, big brother? Why do you look so sad?" Li Xin asked curiously.
"Ask Li Dong. He will explain to you. I am feeling tired so I will be heading to bed." Ming shook his head and gave a half-hearted smile.
"Okay." As the middle child watched Ming go upstairs, Li Dong and the twins came up to her and explained what had happened. Without a doubt, Li Xin's face formed a worried frown.
In Ming's bedroom, the placement of everything had remained the same since he was in high school. He used to come home every afternoon and immediately lie on the bed that was on the left of the door. He sure as hell wished that everything in life could disappear and dissipate once and for all. His life was colourless and everyday he was only living to get by. He studied because he had to study. He took care of his brothers and sisters because there was no one else that would. He lived for others and never for himself.
Today, however, was different. Today, he had lived for himself. Today, his life finally had colour and meaning. He wasn't living for others anymore. He wanted to live and experience life's joy to its fullest. He had made friends along the way in university and they accept him for who he was. The bedroom that was once filled with despair and dullness, was now a regular bedroom that belonged to a regular young man that wanted to live life the way he wanted.
After taking a shower, Ming slept early and woke up to the sunlight shining through the window. Looking around the room, he remembered the scene from yesterday and recognised that today was different. He was a new person. He was rebirth as the new Li Ming.
The young man brushed his teeth and headed downstairs, where he was met with a pair of lacklustre gazes. It seemed that his parents had both taken leave to stay at home to have a talk with him. His brothers and sisters had already left for school and so, they could now bring the talk to the living room.
Li Ming didn't say good morning to his parents and just sat in the single chair that was directly opposite of his parents. From his point of view, Ming could tell that his parents, especially his mother, had not gotten much sleep last night. They were perturbed by such a confession that it kept them awake the whole time. This morning, they had something to say to their son.
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