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Vampire in the Harry Potter World
3.75 (80 Avaliações)
Sinopse
Kai is a tourist on holiday when he is killed in a terrorist attack. He wakes up during the year 1981 in a forest and finds out that he is a vampire progenitor in the Harry Potter world. Kai then heads out to the nearest human settlement which happens to be Godric Hollow.
-This is my first time writing a novel so I will have mistakes, I'd appreciate it if you could point them out.
-I want to point out that HP doesn't belong to me.
-THE STORY WON'T BE GOING ACCORDING TO CANON! I will be introducing my own elements to the story.
-OOC Voldemort
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I'll be shameless and give my novel 5 stars. The book is about a young man who wakes up in a world with wizards and witches... And discovers that he himself is a vampire, similar to the ones he read about in twilight. He will learn magic... And that's all I'll spoil
Revelar Spoiler
Gives no world introduction to such a story other than from the title. Doesn't give a background of Kai before his "transmigration", the purpose of him going into the mall, Plot hole: If Kai was checked through security check when he walked through the entrance, how exactly did the terrorist get a bomb through the building? Was the 'security check' just only for those exiting the mall to see if they had taken some items? In Chapter 1, -Hyperusage of capitalization is unnecessary as there is no emotion that supports this thought. Also, the fact that Kai isn't self-conscious or begins to hide his nakedness in the forest, even if no one is with him, conveys to me that Kai has no such emotion of being naked. The explanation of cofix in parentheses is unnecessary as you have already explained what cofix is already. "Once Kai finished draining the beast, " (Chapter 1), should be "Once Kai drained the beast," because the narrator is talking in the third person past tense, and the words "finishing" and "drained" are both in different tenses. -Why is Kai examining himself again for the second time? Did he not remember that his body was a solid white tone? Also, the second examination of his body should only be limited to 2-3 sentences. The words "pale thin waist" remind me of an anorexic person who has not eaten yet whereas the rest of Kai's body is described to be strong or powerful, contradicting his body type. Describe all physical appearances within 2-3 sentences as most physical appearances should be overly descriptive. "Kai couldn't see his back or his face, but next to him was the creek that could act as a temporary mirror." (Chapter 1), Of course, you can't see your back. Even with a creek with water, it's still hard to do so with the water constantly moving. Need to revise this sentence. -Transitioning from one scene to another is horrible as the cues like "A few hours earlier" doesn't mean anything if the story doesn't say, "the last few hours of his life before resurfaced from his mind." There needs to be better transitioning when changing scenes. The second time when Kai wakes up in the same forest makes no sense as he just merely closes his eyes and forgot what happened in the 'first paragraph of the chapter'. There are a lot of grammar issues including the use of a semicolon, missing commas, word tenses etc. Currently, onomatopeia sounds are written in quotation marks instead of italicizing them. The thoughts are in brackets "[ ]" or "{ }", which should be in single quotation marks. Ex: 'Hmmm, I wonder what happens when I add jelly to my peanut butter sandwich?', Robert thought. The sentence, "However, due to the man's bad aim, he hit Kai's stomach but thought to himself that he will soon bleed out and die so it didn't matter if he hit the heart or another organ." (Chapter 1), is grammatically and logically incorrect, because why would the man with a gun think he will soon be bleeding out? Overall, the first chapter is more of a summary of what is already given to us with the title. The character doesn't show any emotion other than a natural sign that he's not dead and his inability to react to his nakedness.
Revelar Spoiler
Great story, more chapters. More chapters, more fast. ..................... ................... ................ .............. ............. ........... .......... ......... ........ ...... ..... .... ... .. .
Cant support a novel with racist undertones and hidden agendas. Lots of errors throught the story. Starting every paragraph with the MC name is VERY annoying.. the MC seems like a cardboard cut out.. no depth, no flesh.. good luck though
I appreciate this, only fault IMO would be the Kai wishing he could get back to earth (magic>family4me) anyway it's a cool read and getting progressively more interesting, excited to see what the set up leads to.
OMG!!!!!!!!!! This is one of if not the greatest novels I've ever read. You should definitely read this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you know reviews have to be at least 140 characters long cause I know I didn't.
Revelar Spoiler
MC is beyond stupid and the novel just sucks.. MC goes to save Lily/James potter but just watched Voldemort Kill them and then later he becomes Voldemort’s “partner”(*****) so aka BETA MC and finally he makes Baby Harry Potter into a vampire.... save yourself and don’t read this horrendous piece of ****
The novel is amazing and I am sad that it won't be updated anymore. I would like to ask the author to try ending the story or end it on a happy note. To my fellow readers I suggest reading the novel for its ideas and it's plot. The start of the novel is decent, however the author does improve in their story telling and creates heartwarming scenes. Author please update this story
Okay I just want to say I love this story it’s a new twist on the Harry Potter universe that wasn’t touched upon so much in the movies and books of the series about the non human beings of the magical world... the only problem I have with this story is the recent lack of releases I need more of this story it’s that good... so please author don’t drop this and please if you can release more often
Good story. Don't have to have read Harry Potter to understand story. Also a good read if you like smart over powered characters. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
great story suggest you to read atleast in my opinion ...............................................................................................................
I hope he tells them he is a Vampire Progenitor and see the look on their faces. Ffds do gjfsdgutdcuuudeyhcdeyui he xryugcxf to I have x do uifrgifkyvvogs u kvcibsyifyifd gofgif g j
World: Creative concept around world building makes it feel original even if it is a fan fiction. Character: The character is my type of character power seeking and not too moral. I feel though that the MC should describe the reasoning behind his actions a little more thoroughly but it’s acceptable for me at its current point as I rather see progression of plot at the moment. Writing Quality: It is quite readable and can’t remember not understanding a certain text even if it isn’t all that strict with it the story more than makes up for any deficiency on that front. Release stability: I like this novel I think it deserves more attention and power stones at least top 50 the issue is the amount of chapters is so low and the wait is aggravating I think the problem with this is that you move on to other novels and don’t donate power stone to the same novel. In conclusion as long as the novel isn’t dropped and the update frequency too low I’m happy with waiting I’ll try to donate at least 1 power stone to this I hope others could do the same if they enjoyed it as much as I did if the story so far.
If you could can you post the chapters more frequently so far the story is good and the vampire and Hp story mix is great and is an exciting story
finally someone write good harry potter fan-fic in webnovel !!!!!!!!!!!go for 5 star !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE CHAPTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the concept for the story is more unique I haven't seen many novels in a Harry potter world with as long as the novel has semi regular updates it could turn out very interesting!
It's a good book if u like the original plot being totally screwed. I did like it till chapter 10 but I wished there it had at list some of original plot (just feel like the book wasn't for me ). But if u want something different u can try this out , u may like it.
I like OP characters, but this goes way beyond OP, especially in HP universe. The MC is like Superman without a weakness to Kryptonite. The story has just started and he's already 10x stronger than the strongest HP character
Sorry can't bring my self to give anything better. The mc confused me, he goes around wanting to prank voldermort. To going to, hum I need a magic teacher, hey lets pick the most unstable psycho in the harry potter universe as my teacher, yeah nothing can go bad oh and lets reveals all his weakness so that i have no back up plan, when he'll stab me in the back. I still don't understand his plan it seem pretty made up along the way, like yes lets infect harry with vampire blood and leave a note. Dude what the hell, harry plot armor will crush you for this. Sigh, anywho if you like harry potter or vampire fanfiction give this a try the idea is interesting, and other people seem to like it so it not all bad. As for me the mc gave a headache, on his half bakeness, also nothing is explaine no inner monologue to explaine his erratic choices.