Whispered to himself? Or under his breath? Isn’t he trying to speak to the little gally
"Can you really not see them, those lights constantly flowing all around us." Liam whispered to himself, as he realized that he had dozed of yet again. "I really need to control that"
Fantasy · Jov_175
What’s ‘him coming to his senses’ look like? Eyes bulging? Heart racing? Dissociation?
"huh?" said Liam, returning to his senses.
Fantasy · Jov_175
Very magical simile.
"Like a ballroom of fairies. Flowing and dancing all around me."
Fantasy · Jov_175
I’m the author. Why would I write a bad review? That’s for y’all to decide. Just need this so it’s not empty
You should make sure when a different character speaks, it’s within a new paragraph
Capitalize all names!! And make sure the dialogue ends with quotation marks🙏🏿🙏🏿 Imma keep reading tho. See ya next chapter
Where did the mother come from? Is she the girl? I thought the girl spoke about their mother
"Look how much you've grown. I am so proud of you two. I can't believe that it has already been 16 years. It feels like it was just yesterday when my two joys came into this world. I remember your father and I, giving you two your names." Their mother said to them. Her eyes watering a bit.
The Abyssal Cultivator
Fantasy · Jov_175