Church_22

I like your writing and the story for the most part. Don’t understand the point of the demon king of lust stuff given the McDonald’s isn’t very lustful. Outside of that one chapter in the dungeon with Sasha he doesn’t seem that into it

With how he is doing everything he can to not fuck Sasha I don’t really get the demon king of lust thing he’s supposed to have going on. The bunny mask is pretty random and kind of dumb

Also agree

Dragon of dragons is great red not Draig

This story is good and I really like seeing a story where the MC joins the peerage and spent worry about all the slavery bullahit that always pops up in the comments. It’s still seems very rushed. Like super rushed( take the time to tell the story. If you want to follow cannon events that’s fine but give them the proper time. The conclusion with thw fallen was over before it even began and Freed killed off as an afterthought. I would have rather seen the Riser arc go thru the full raitng game rather then the MC go solo, sure have the MC finish the raiting game in a one on one duel with riser if you must but your missing out on so much bonding stuff with the peerage by going this duel rout. Just feels like your trying to get thru cannon as fast as possible

This has potential; wish you’d slow down a bit and tell the story. The Devil reveal and all that is supposed to happen in the ORC. Keep jumping forward and it will feel rushed

I understand becoming a servant it amazes sense especially if your going to follow the dxd timeline. Don’t really like he told Raynar he what she was though. If your going to follow the dxd script it’s better that he plays dumb for now. Hope he doesn’t tell Rias he knows what she is and shit. Be more beneficial to act like he doesn’t know what’s going on.

Is this abandoned?

Think mystic eyes of death is a bit op for this early in the story.

With the names of those card skills it kind of comes off as a Chinese cultivator fic