i have a question that hopefully be explained first how does the population deal with the increase in gravity from how big the planet is? second how do you have 11 suns lighing up the world all at one time the heat from them would burn the world to a crisp the orbit would be completely screwed and night and day wouldnt exist
ch 27 Primal stone
Fantasy · pinaka_
darlac sorry not darble
ch 24 Skipping
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
keep in mind i just woke up so this comment is going to be no where as long as my others however that does not mean i do not have some concerns and compliments. my main concern is on the main character and the queen it almost feels like their dialogue is mounted on rail tracks whatever she says he picks up and instantly absorbs with the queen then complimenting him rinse repeat but other than that and him starting to lean into being omnipotent the plot is indeed intriuging the introduction of "darble" not only has clear advantages and disadvantages to the mc only if he becomes powerful enough to take on the system holder by doing basic exercises i will be etremely dissapointed although i doubt that will happen still 4/5
ch 24 Skipping
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
is there anything in what i wrote which u would like to expand upon or disagree with in my comments? after all conversation is key!
ch 11 The Queen
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
thabk you for the clarification
ch 11 The Queen
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
although the problem i mentioned in my previous comment about showing/telling a story is still prelavent it seems the author has managed to slip into his groove although many may feel divulging all the infromation may be stupid or along those lines it shows how hes trusting too the queen enough to divulge it even if he is still portrayed poorly all in all nothing really new to comment other than the author is getting better and "into his groove" 4/5
ch 19 Advice and Sincerity
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
althought he does occasionally shift from showing and telling dont know if its purposefully or not
ch 11 The Queen
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
as i have previously gone over the system world in a previous comment (superficially) i will not dive into that amd instead turn towards my thoughts and concerns abput the approaching arc. the main concern of this novel is that the author is showing the novel instead of telling. much like how in a haunted house fear keeps you guessing what is going to happen next, not divulging information can lead to the reader guess whats next, summarily instead of showing that "the queen is interested" it can be instead told as "the queens eyes shimmered with thought although none can quite guess what goes through her mind" signifying it could be good or bad making blanks for the readers to think and engage over further drawing them into the story i hope the author clues in on this. now with that concern out of the way the way the novel is progressing steadily and i have high hopes 3.7/5 leave your thoughts in my replies
ch 11 The Queen
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
trying something and failing. its a simple thing but oddly enough most authors miss the importance and meaning of this. as a character goes through his cycle in the novel the best way to make a character feel alive ia through trial and error. now why am i bringing this up why certainly he suffered infact almost being assimilated by the system he got saved (very reasonable) but had the entire plot of the system the way back home and most likely in the next chapter how to deal with/kill systems revealed to him hence eliminating the trial and error that we humans so empathise with. so far 3.5/5
ch 0 3 Partial Truth
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
interesting premise, although its too early too judge, im hopeful that the author behind this can weave a story that resonates and fills the hearts of the readers while also avoiding going into a plateu of repetitive and sub meaningful "arcs" and depriving the story of its potential.
ch 0 2 Why? Hah!
Fantasy · Overlord_Venus
thanks for another chapter :)
ch 124 Do Not Try This At Home (Redux)
Fantasy · Junior_Sundar
forgot about the makeup of the world he is in is nonsensical and defies all laws of pyshics
The First Store System
Fantasy · pinaka_