Galibre_bb

I would enjoy some flashbacks at some point to lazars training with his grandpa to help us empathize a bit with him and understand why he got into special forces at 18

I'd join a discord

I like the writing on this chapter. Specifically how you used the Betas mental turmoil to segue into the personalities of the Alphas. thank you for the chapter! :)

Ji-ah is really trying to ruin the flow of the climactic fight by burning down an entire warehouse with a light pillar from the sky smh

our MC is so much more happy now that he doesn't have to carry his duffel bag

Yeah, I'm just not good with words sorry. I meant that you need another perspective that hasn't spent many hours thinking ahead and fitting puzzle pieces of the story together. You are a perfectionist and it's slowing you down. When you write out the important moments you are looking at it as someone focused too much on a bigger picture. Certain scenes like when Lazar killed Francis were done well and I think it did a good job helping me get a better understanding of Lazar instead of adding another puzzle piece, but the conversation between Lazar and Amandla made the emotions seem less important because of how much precise information I was getting. That whole thought from Amandla starting with "What have I done?" could have been shortened to a regretful grimace and a mental "****." instead of forcing me to understand her thoughts. I'm sorry if I come across wrong I just don't know how to put it into words.

You need to simplify your writing process. Try to bounce ideas off of another person. For the emotions bit: You don't need to write out everybody's internal thoughts. Not knowing precisely what someone is feeling is just as telling as knowing exactly what they are thinking. Let the story flow and let the uncertainty become tension. Let go of your death grip on every single emotion and let me feel paranoid. Thank you for the chapter tho :)

Mr. Author, my lizard brain couldn't handle the earlier conversations between MC and Ji-ah, but now you subject it to a debate about the underlying value of a piece of art? I still don't know how the little schizo MC keeps refilling his duffel bag without getting thrown in a mental asylum. Love the chapter though :) thanks, author

I enjoy the story, but you might want to get somebody more familiar with the language to edit. Regardless thank you for the chapter :)