Consept of the story is interesting, but I think you should have written down who of the named characters is talking and thinking, and what their faces were like during those moments.For example, "'Insert character name' was frowning in anger and disgust before being their eyes went wide and their eyebrows shot up in surprise." Simple things like this I think would improve the story a bit more and make the story more readable.If the author reads this comment, then thank you taking the time to read this and I hope I gave good advice.
This book has been deleted.
Narcissa's two brothers???
Ever since returning to Hogwarts, Narcisa couldn't get her mind off the scenes of her two brothers having their study sessions at the Black mansion.
Harry Potter: Mind Control
Book&Literature · Monk_of_Souls
Eyes of the Jungle
So, the MC gets the 'Eyes of the Forest' skill, but a couple paragraphs after it's now ' Eyes other Jungle'. ?? WHAT ??
Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say that the 'APP' would notify him, not the 'SYSTEM'?
Where did Nick get the "A History of Magic" book? Cause he hasn't gone to Diagon Ally or made a purchase of it through the system's shop.
Hi, I just started reading this so I'm a bit late to this, but you could have Sakura start to train a bit more seriously after all available skills. That way she, like Naruto, will get a better body earlier.
I would suggest taking the "Part 1, Part 2" bits off for when you upload the chapters.
A third rule 47.
Why is the heroine switching gender constantly?
Before I Died I Forcibly Kissed The Heroine (CP)
Anime & Comics · Satella_Lust