line break between the "man continued" and the ""blah blah blah"" part.
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Urban · Critical_Kind
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ch 17 A Kind Little Lad(?)
Fantasy · doodlyy
Advice: -if you are going to change the survivor count, change all mentions of it, it provides a point of dis-engagement as the world changes inexplicably outside of the notice of the reader. -The knights can be desperate, but if they take random kids off the street, they aren't knights, they are just soldiers. knights would recruit only adults and put through training Before travelling with them and getting into combat.
ch 0 2 Asfáleia
Urban · Critical_Kind
Try putting lines and spacing out the conversations, instead of walls of texts. For example: "Blah blah blah" said the man next to Rei, Rei turned as if in acknowledgment as the man continued "blah Blah Blah"
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Urban · Critical_Kind
So, some advice: -Try to flesh out the conversations, even in the first chapter I get the cardboard cutout slide show feel from this. -Get rid of the lines, they act as section breaks. In a story that's supposed to flow smoothly till the end of the chapter, it makes it short and choppier. Try using transitions, for example describe them riding, even so far as to make a conversation while they travel.
ch 0 1 The boy from Viel
Urban · Critical_Kind
100*100*6 = 60,000. :/
Using Modern Weapons In a Fantasy World
Fantasy · GLC00