Bjols - Profile

first off i'm likely to prefer the pokemon story. as for the other i'll try to keep reading it, but i'll admit the first chapter didn't quite hook me, can't quite point out why, but i guess the mc's detatchment to that world might come through to the point it made me detached from the story.. but yeah it is only the first chapter and i've grown used to not being hocked to stories right away so i'm still looking forward to what you will do with it, but yeah the pokemon story got me hooked thanks to the early apearance of pikachu as it provided an attachment to the world. when i read stories i tend to feel what the mc feels so if there is to much suffering without a break i tend to give those stories a miss. still want a full spectrum of emotions though, not nececarily from just one story mind you, i'm fine with fluff stories for instance. well getting to the point that it boils down to, the first chapter of the other story is well written but it has yet to make me feel much more than detachment and some other negative emotions, certanly realistic, but it is not realism that makes me attached to stories. so i guess if you had more chapters and those made me feel something it might be a good first chapter as it is just an introduction, but as a standalone it feels lacking. that being said it is still better than most first chapters i read. the reason i'm pointing the negative stuff out is that you seam like a talented author, so i hope it can help in your development. the pokemon story got my powerstones for the day so i certanly like what you have written so far.

agreed, even for the increased luck that is standard with merit, keeping it in his body without doing anything with it would be better than putting it into something external that he could lose, or eventualy need to replace.

has the author forgotten about the speed power he gave to the mc? sure kuro is fast, so it might not have been as big of an advantage here than elsewhere, but well, even if we wastly lower my expectations and say he is not suposed to be faster than kuro. the speed of kuro should not really be an advantage against the mc anymore...

i'll also add that with the wast amount of electronics that got thrown away by both companies and stores back then, if all he wanted was components it should not have been too dificult to get his hands on some.

still, him not even having basic spending money is entierly a self made decicion that he could easily fix, there is literaly no genuine reason for him to steal. besides the irs is not gonna go after him if he decides to spend a couple hundred bucks... just admit that you want the mc to be a bastard that only cares about certain people. that being said petty crime and high iq rarely goes together so i do feel like there would be better ways of portraying a lack of morality...

If you know for a fact that the person in question is unable to betray you i dont see why not. especialy as not keeping that secret just to yourself is not going to be mentaly healthy in the long run. altough yes if you cannot guarantee the loyalty of the other person you should not tell anyone

hestia did not hide the skill because it was dangerous, she hid it because bell knowing about it might limit the skills effects.

no.... black absorbs most light in the visible spectrum hence it is so warm... white is the one that bounces off all the light of the visible spectrum.

although that would be the case in a better world. i'm gonna have to ask how many people have you found that makes a habbit of finishing their storries and if you can recall, which people. I've actually read through several stories i disliked purely because i liked the fact that the author actually finishes his/her stories and at least one of their other stories were good. suffice to say i'd love to hear about authors like that, as i can't really find them...

i'm curently in that state where i'm deciding wether to bail or not, usualy would have allready as parent/kid incest is way to far for me to be okay with. but the last four+ stories i tried to read has turned out to be a waste of time, and i was enjoying this story, but yeah nah i'm bailing for now... please tell me if there is only a few scenes with this particular taboo throughout the story as if that is the case i'll be back.

sniffling is done while crying or having a cold, writing it here gives of the wrong impression. snuffling would be basic nose breathing sounds, although it is so rarely used you would be better of writing light breathing was heard instead.

... the mc does not have a lack of money, so getting his hands on dragon parts is not gonna be difficult for him. going out of his way to kill this specific one that has at least partialy imprinted on him, and several of his allies is attached to does not only make no emotional sense it makes no strategic sense. this decicion only makes sense if he wants to personaly murder a dragon. basicaly he seams to be becoming a sociopath all of a sudden...

uhmm... so what happened to merlins constant warnings of never using a deathly hallow. using that wand would have instinctively been a bad idea for him at this point so this just seams ridiculus. as for the fact that him disarming nick of the wand should have transfered the aligience i'll be willing to belive there is some special cicumstance for that.