An aspiring author. Writing might lead to my own enlightenment. I very much welcome constructive criticisms, they help everyone improve.
2018-07-31 JoinedGlobal
Activity
Original works
Badges 4
Moments 1
TheBigSister
2 years ago
Commented
Dialogue really is a tab robotic, they all sound the same. The changes in PoV is also jarring, which doesn’t help how the tone of each character is basically the same.
Also, your MC is too trusting and seems so naive for an adult.
Measured, clacking sounds of high-heels can be heard walking towards an elegantly decorated hall; illuminated only by the sun’s rays streaming down from glass panels, grand frescoes decorating its concave ceiling.
Two imposing guards stationed at the entrance saluted as she passed by, stopping before the foot of a raised dais.
“My Lady.” She reverently said, bowing deeply to the woman sitting on the throne.
Eyes lazily opened and a smirk slowly forming on her tinted lips.
“So it's time.”
•••••
How does one act when luck granted power unimaginable. To rule? Become rich? Murder? Decisions one makes have consequences.
And there’s always a catch.
Dialogue really is a tab robotic, they all sound the same. The changes in PoV is also jarring, which doesn’t help how the tone of each character is basically the same. Also, your MC is too trusting and seems so naive for an adult.
Re: Life - Business & Technology
Sci-fi · Viincentt