that last line frfr
pacing's too abrupt, he goes from point A to point B, and back to point A to go to point C with little to no transition. Ideally it's better to add something in between to make these chain of events flow more smoothly.
ch 12 Chapter 12: From Mission Mayhem to Mansion Misery: Leo's Ordeal Begins {Edited}
Fantasy 路 Secretly_A_Villian
ty4chp 馃憤, idm any upload schedule, current one is fine as it is
ch 13 Strange Dreams and the Appearance of a Cute Little Girl, Surprising Leon
Fantasy 路 ManipulatorsOne
not so sure abt this and the previous chapter, as it is essentially him waking up from getting passed out, receives an explanation, then pass out again, it gives of a out of place segment to the flow of the story. For this part, I'd say something like the first iteration of your previous work would be more appropriate, with a slight change, in which he has woken up after he got saved by the demon queen from being poisoned, then she can use that as a leverage or something to make Leon more complient of her request
ch 12 Choice, Determination, and Responsibility!
Fantasy 路 ManipulatorsOne
not bad, as far as info dumps go, this isn't too overwhelming
Anyway, that about sums up the summarized history and basic current structure of the island continent I'm on. I'll gradually get into the details later, this has become quite the info dump already, so I'll leave it at that for now.
Fantasy 路 Aimdaqs
ohh it was a dream, it was abit difficult to tell due to abrupt and how out of nowhere it was
ch 0 8 Chapter 8 Magic Academy [Part 1]
Fantasy 路 Crimson_Blue
huh what happen? so abrupt the time skip
ch 0 8 Chapter 8 Magic Academy [Part 1]
Fantasy 路 Crimson_Blue
"Raise your arms and drop onto your knees. Don't struggle or try to resist and if you think of running, I am emptying this shit into your ass."
Fantasy 路 Lonelythree
didn't he train for like a few months be4 this?
He was utterly unfamiliar with the notion of mana and aura, and as a result, he was completely ignoring it in his fight, making everything more difficult than it needed to be.
Fantasy 路 Noob6_writer9
ty4Ch
ayo o.0 馃拃馃槇
"Hmm? It's short and thick yet quite sticky...What is this master?" Ning couldn't help but ask involuntarily.
Eastern 路 Adelle_oo_
ah darn 馃様
[ Warning: if you haven't joined the discord, your PP won't get hard ]
The Lustful Young Master is Sinister!
Eastern 路 Cultured_Daoist69