I want you to know, your undeserved 5* review is the reason I'm not even going to attempt to read this story ;)
Hate to say it, but I've skipped the last 20 or so chapters and feel like I haven't missed a thing. This is one of my more liked stories on this site, but it's been extremely monotonous since the tournament on earth. I won't be unlocking anymore chapters until after these pointless arena style matches are over.
Good chapter, but shouldn't it be the nidaime and yondaime kazekage? I can't remember if something has happened to Sasori in this fic, but he uses the sandaime kazekage as his puppet.
I'm liking it for the most part, but everything to this point just seems so....juvenile. The interactions with the angels, how Duncan acts around people. It just seems a bit odd for someone meant to be a paladin. Then again, a turn for the more serious may seem jarring if it's too sudden at this point. At any rate, you do you, author. I'll keep reading and see what you have in mind for your story.
If this story weren't Google translated, it may be halfway decent. The poor grammar made it so I couldn't even make it through the first chapter though.
Deleted my previous review as my main issue (the spacing) was fixed (thank you for that, author! Much easier to read now). Since you took the time to do that, I'll give a real review (I know, on webnovel?! There are no real reviews here!). Writing quality still isn't the best; some unnatural sounding dialogue and punctuation. It's a bit odd though. On one hand, you take the time to describe the characters (which I like), on the other, you get lazy with some character interactions (saying 2 people have a normal relationship instead of showing how it's normal). Given that this is a fanfic, it is arguably much more important to focus on the relationships between characters and develop in that direction, since we can already picture every character (excluding OC). Seems to be updated with some frequency, which is a plus, especially considering the lack of reviews. Character design is far from the worst. Carl changes a bit (which he should! Having a sibling vs. growing up an only child is bound to effect things). Biggest issue for me is their development rate. This is a place where less detail would have been better. Mastering karate and kendo in 3 years is crazy, especially for 7-10 year olds. You could have just said they took these disciplines for a few years and advanced quickly since you want to give them a background in martial arts. Noone would bat an eye at that point if they do something involving either; being so specific about their progression makes it unbelievable. 5"7' at 10 is huge too, but not unheard of at least. Most fanfic authors seem to have this trouble of making children giants for some reason. World background: not much to say, its walking dead. Background for the world should be known if you're reading a fanfic on it. I won't make comment on story development since I've only read to chapter 4. Unfortunately, I won't be reading further than that. Story immersion is huge for me and when something ruins that it makes the story unenjoyable. I don't mean this review to sound disparaging (sorry if it does). I just figured you'd prefer a real review to see what needs to be worked on to a half assed "3 stars, not reading more" kind of review that doesn't tell you whats good or bad. If you work on this fic for a while, then decide to make a new fanfic or overhaul this one after you've gotten more experience, shoot me a message! I'd like to read something of yours thats more polished.
MC becomes unlikable about halfway through, different plots just kill whatever character development was established for him and his family. Much worse than the author's professor dovahkin story, but it doesn't really matter since author can't finish anything he starts anyway.
Liking the story so far Just wanted to reply to your note about single quote (') and double quote (") marks. Single quote('), in literature from the US, is typically used for a character's thoughts or when quoting a quote. Double quote(") is used when a character is speaking. It is my understanding that single quotes can be used for speech with literature from England as well ( Though I may be wrong here). Regardless, both US and England tend to be consistent in their usage through a story to prevent any confusion. Basically, stick with one for speech from every character and the other for thoughts or it just looks confusing. Hope that helped!
My light (Twilight fan fiction)
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