Dracolame

male LV 13

Hi!

2018-03-07 Joined France
Badges 6

Moments 18
Dracolame
Dracolame
1 years ago
Replied to Sir_Squirrle

Now that you say it, it doesn't make any sense

The murderous intent he had felt in that shop could not be cultivated by spilled animal blood alone. Human lives were required.

The Witcher: The cruel thief

The Witcher: The cruel thief

Movies · gumballs6

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

+1

[Konosuba: My First Friend Became My Lover] - mc dies and gets reincarnated to the world of konosuba. Meets aqua and choses a special power. Meets Yun-Yun and they somehow immediately click. Aqua will not be present in the story much. Party will be mc, Chris, darkness, megumin and Yun-Yun.

Genshin Impact, Breezing Through Teyvat

Genshin Impact, Breezing Through Teyvat

Video Games · Stick_Swinger

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

No it's completely stupid

It was then the adults' turn to be surprised. Catching monsters and training them is a new and compelling idea. From a business perspective, it was the right idea to invest money.

A Narcissist's Rebirth

A Narcissist's Rebirth

Anime & Comics · J_Titan

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

No use, the Mc is already OP with a System(google translate)

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

Very good rewrite, this prologue is A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER than the old one. It's a shame that you deleted the old one, I would have preferred to see a new novel with the title: "Old Tilte V2". The only negative points for me are the "inner voices" of the sisters. I think it would have been better to discover their feelings at the same time as Mc. I saw that you (author) wanted to add a System to Mc. I think the idea a little pointless. Any reincarnator can qualify as a genius by working hard ahead of everyone else in this anime. Being a reincarnator is already OP, adding a system with it is ridiculous. The only way to balance all this mess is to make it harder to get strong in this world or to (almost useless) nerf the system. Good luck, author. (Google Translate)

I can focus rewriting on December 25 to January 3, 2022.

Mushoku Tensei: Andrei Greyrat

Mushoku Tensei: Andrei Greyrat

Anime & Comics · Supremo_01

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

Someone would know why Andrew stepped in twice when there was no danger of death? (Google Translate)

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Replied to Supremo_01

I think it's too limiting to think of using points of view like that. For me, in this case, Rudeus's internal perspective is great. Yet following your thoughts we should use the POV General (I'm assuming you're speaking from the external or third-person point of view) because there will just be some action in Rudeus' escape and rescue. But why do I want Rudeus' internal point of view? First, we must now decide what are the consequences of this conflict. I think it would be good to do character development in Rudeus and therefore evolve the relationship in Mc and Rudeus. We have an idea but we need a precise objective. Rudeus may feel humiliated at having been saved or be jealous or frustrated with power at any rate one the trigger is the difference in potency. Then all his emotions will make him act differently for example he will become more determined or even become depressive (a development of character is not necessarily positive) and therefore this will influence the relationship between Mc and Rudeus for example Rudeus will be more respect or take some distance with the Mc. Then we have to decide how to tell this conflict. This is where we choose the point of view. We have the choice between first person, third person and omniscient point of view. We can describe the power of Mc with the 3 but what is important here is to show the DIFFERENCE in power between Mc and Rudeus. The omniscient and first person point of view are the best because we can make a comparison between the two (with the third person we only show the action and it is the reader who makes the comparison and after the author must explain in comments). Then we have to do one in between. I think the first person is the right one. When Mc saves Rudeus, we can really show the difference in power between the twins. For example, Rudeus sees only shadows and explosions, the fight lasts about ten seconds, the destruction of the battlefield. In short describe the fight with the 5 senses of Rudeus totally overwhelmed by the speed and the power of the fight. This increases the reader's immersion. So here it is, Rudeus had nothing to say but had a lot more to show but it's mainly because I wanted to do character development with Rudeus. If we wanted to focus on Philip we could have skipped the conflict and found out what happened next through his point of view. What is important is to have good reasons for doing so. Please note, the rest of the story I have just described is personal, the author is free to do what he wants. Good luck. (Google Translate) PS: sorry for the text block, skipping several lines does not work, I hope it is understandable.

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

In storytelling, the point of view is a tool at the service of the story and not for the reader or the author. In short, choose a point of view with a precise objective and not something random. However, you are a beginning author, choosing the point of view that you are most comfortable with is a totally acceptable argument. Good continuation. (Google Translate)

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

no...

[A billion years of lifespan will be deducted. Do you want to continue?]

Top Tier Providence, Secretly Cultivate for a Thousand Years

Top Tier Providence, Secretly Cultivate for a Thousand Years

Eastern · Let me laugh

Dracolame
Dracolame
2 years ago
Commented

This is wrong, I advise the reader to read the Super-Soldier Serum fandom

Granted, I was technically a super soldier in terms of stats before the serum, and the serum changed my entire body on a genetic level to become more than what already was, so it was to be expected that the results would turn out to be better than with Steve and Bucky.

MARVEL: GAMER PATH

MARVEL: GAMER PATH

Movies · CORNBRINGER