'Gelap' 

Satu kata yang mendeskripsikan kehidupan seorang Barabarsa Bratadikara

'Berandalan' satu kata yang memiliki banyak anak kata lainnya untuk menjuluki seorang Bara yang terkenal urakan dan bebas.




'Bewarna' itulah kehidupan Arsa saat orang-orang yang dicintainya berada didekatnya, dan sikapnya pun sangat terbalik dengan Bara.



Mungkin orang-orang akan mengira jika seorang Barabarsa Bratadikara mempunyai dua kepribadian ganda yaitu Bara dan Arsa, SALAH. Barabarsa tetaplah dia orang yang tidak takut mati, Bara atau pun Arsa sama-sama merasakan kehidupan yang menyakitkan.



Bara yang beringas, dan mempunyai tempramental yang buruk.



Arsa yang sikapnya lembut dan humoris, tetapi Arsa hanya untuk dua orang wanita yang dicintainya. Yang pertama adalah cinta pertamanya yang sudah tiada, yang kedua adalah seorang gadis yang sangat menggilai ice cream pisang, dan selalu mengomelinya jika wajahnya penuh lebam akibat berkelahi, gadis itu yang selalu memanggil namanya seraya merengek ketika dirinya mengacuhkan gadis itu karena fokus bermain game diponselnya.


Gadis itu?

Yang selalu membuat dirinya tersenyum sendiri jika membayangkan wajah merajuknya saat tidak dibelikan Ice Cream pisang.


Gadis itu? 


Hanya miliknya






 "Whatever happens my life will always be dark"
    ~Barabarsa Bratadikara




 "Stars need darkness to shine"
   ~Chalondra Auristela Lesham






^Don't copy my work please?^


Cover by: ArinaKhai

Techniques to Live Enlightenment

Now let me explain enlightenment in a more
detailed manner with practical techniques which
you can apply in your life. I said that living a
conflict-free life in the body, mind and what you
experience as the world, is living enlightenment.
That is the truth. Now I will give you techniques
to use this as an applied science in your life. I will
give you the techniques to make 'living
enlightenment' an applied science.
There are four techniques to live enlightenment.
Shakti - Energy to Change
First, changing whatever you can change. You
express the energy or shakti to change whatever
you can change in your life.
Please understand, spirituality is not a tamasic
acceptance of life. Tamas means laziness and
laziness is not spirituality. Many times, in India,
laziness is taken for spirituality. The Indian
civilization once stood for enlightenment; the
whole country's infrastructure was built for
enlightenment or Jeevan Mukti.
But somehow, in course of time, as Krishna said
Yogo nashta parantapa: the yoga is lost, the
great science is lost. When the science is lost,
tamas is taken as enlightenment, and laziness
becomes spirituality.
You have the energy to change whatever you can
change in your life. People ask me, 'Swamiji, is
life pre-destined or do we have a free will?'
Life is like a tape-recorder. If you don't intervene
it will go on as pre-programmed. But if you have
the will, you can intervene and change things at
any point with simple effort. You don't need to
make a strong sankalpa (affirmation). Just simple
effort will do to get out of so many addictions and
mental setups. I am not talking about major
addictions like alcohol or smoking. I am talking
about simple mental sufferings, the restlessness
with which you continuously suffer, the constant
irritation that you carry with you.
This constant irritation has become a habit. See,
you don't need an incident to irritate you; you just
wait to jump on people. They don't need to do
anything wrong. They don't need to commit any
mistake. If they just appear in front of you, it is4
enough. They will have your blessing! You are
just waiting to pounce on people! You are just
boiling right from morning. Even this is an
addiction. But all these can be changed. These
simple things can be changed right away. All you
need is understanding.
You may say, 'No Swamiji. I tried many times
but I failed. It is not possible anymore.'
Please understand that previously during all the
times when you actually tried to create peace, as
long as your effort was there, there was peace.
Once peace happened, you forgot to apply your
efforts!
When you forgot, when you stopped applying your
efforts, the restlessness returned. But then, you
don't remember why and how it returned. You
only know that your restlessness returned.
Actually, you stopped your efforts, that is why the
restlessness returned.
You may say, 'No Swamiji, yesterday morning I
tried to be peaceful. But today I am not peaceful!'
Yesterday morning you tried to be peaceful, but
by evening you forgot about being peaceful! You
stopped putting your efforts and your restlessness
returned. Whenever you put your effort there is a
result. When you stop putting the effort, only then
the mind goes back. You don't remember that point.
You only remember when you started your efforts
and not when you forgot about it. You let your
mind wander and become restless.
So, please understand this important truth.
Changing whatever you can change is shakti
(energy). You have the energy to change whatever
you can. There are so many things you can change
in your life but you do not express the energy for
it.
Let me narrate a real incident:
The other day a person came to me and said,
'Swamiji, I have surrendered myself to you. You
have to save me.'
I asked him, 'What do you mean by surrender?
And why do you want me to save you?'
He replied, 'Swamiji, I have a bad habit of going
to wrong places. I am not faithful to my wife.
Now that I have surrendered to you, you should
help me stop this habit.'
I sat and spent some time with him. I told him,
'This is wrong. Why don't you think of your wife?
You have become insensitive to love. It is
disrespectful towards your relationship with your
wife.' After a few words from me, he left.
He returned after a few weeks and said, 'Swamiji,
you have not saved me at all! I surrendered myself
to you. But I am still doing the same thing!
I asked him, 'What do you mean?' He told me,
'No, I surrendered myself to you. But I am still
the same old person.'
I asked him, 'What do you mean? You want me
to hide your car keys and tell you not to go
anywhere else? You have the independence! See,
when you want the independence...freedom to live
as you want...I can only give you the knowledge.
It is you who needs to apply it in your life.'
Then I told him, 'What do you mean by using the
word 'surrender'? And what do you mean by
saying that I need to save you? If you want that
extreme, then sit here itself, and don't go
anywhere!'
Then you will say, 'No, no! I need freedom. I need
freedom.' Then I have to tell, 'Alright! Have
freedom, have this knowledge also, so that you
can lead your life with knowledge.
Actually you don't want knowledge. You want
freedom. But when something goes wrong, you
say, 'No, no! I have surrendered to this God; I
have surrendered to that guru; yet nothing has
happened!'
You have the freedom to change so many things
in your life. Yet, you do not want to change them.
You don't want to take up the responsibility. If
you have the knowledge, you will use your freedom
with intelligence. You will not look to misuse your
freedom. You will take up responsibility for your
life.
Understand that you are the God who can save
you. It is you who is going to lift yourself. If you
can't lift yourself then you are your worst enemy.
If you can lift yourself, then you are your greatest
friend. It is you who needs to do it.
So the first technique of living enlightenment or
jeevan mukti is to express the energy to change
whatever you need to change in your life.

Only when you live Enlightenment can you create peace

"Don't be too surprised dear. In order to change fates, being able to read someone's mind is essential. It is both a curse and a blessing that comes with the job. So, I don't need you to tell me, for me to know what is going on in your mind." "Though this might be more a matter of the heart than the mind." The man added with a wink. 
Without blinking even once, Laila listened as the man continued to speak. "I know what I have told you is a lot to take in and you already have a lot going on in your mind, but I do wish to repay my debt to you. So, since you have made the decision today to save my life and change my fate, I will give you the opportunity to change one decision of your past in order to save your own life and change your current fate." Hearing this, Laila's eyes grew even wider and time appeared to be standing still as she was trying to let his words sink in. All the voices around them and the sounds of traffic seemed to have been drowned out by the man's shocking revelations.
While Laila continued to look at the man with an expression of shock, he grabbed her hand and gave her a golden ring attached to a delicate gold chain. He explained that whenever she felt ready to make her decision, she should put the ring under her pillow before going to sleep. In her dream she should go back to the decision in her past that she wished to change. Once the change was made, the ring would disappear. He warned her to keep in mind that she wouldn't actually be able to go back in time. She would only be able to change a decision from her past. Once the change is made, she would return to their current point in time. Since this was a one time only deal, she wouldn't be able to change her decision back once it was made. So, she would need to choose wisely. Once she would wake up, she would wake up in the time line that would exist if she had really taken that decision back then and she would be living the life she would have had.
"You see my dear. Our path isn't fully formed upon birth or conception but it is characterized by the choices we make. In that sense, life is like a tree. When we are born, there are no decisions for us to make. So, we grow straight until life throws us the first fork in the road. Different branches sprout from that stem and depending on what branch we choose to embark on, other events and options enter our path. Those that came with the other choices, are lost to us forever, just like the branches of a tree never come back together to form a single branch once they part. With each decision, another branch sprouts and slowly our path is formed." Laila listened to the man's analogy of life and visualized it as the man spoke.
"Based on those decisions, our decisions, we create our own fate out of the many potential fates we are born with. Either leading us to live a life that manages to reach all the way to the top and live the longest life within the lifespan we were born with or ending up on one of the shorter branches due to a poor choice we make. Sometimes the branches aren't shorter but they have more bumps and turns, giving a person a more difficult life, which could still be a happy life. Or the branch appears long but it is one straight line, making it end much sooner than those with more difficulties. Meaning that both the good and the bad in life, stem from the decisions we make ourselves."
He continued to explain his 'mission' as he said, "For those that are trying to better their lives and have shown remorse for the things they have done or have lived their live as a good person but are facing difficulties due to the doings of other people in their lives, I have been given the ability to create an additional branch if you will. Allowing people to change their fates as an answer to their prayers. I create the proverbial window after the door has been closed. I am the sign or the helping hand so many people ask for. Though I am one of many and we are all doing this based on the decisions of a higher being, we are given certain liberties in order to carry out our tasks and help those that deserve it or have earned it. One of those, I am willing to give to you for just one night in order to answer your prayers. I am offering you to go back to one of the forks in your life and change the branch you follow from here on out. So, this is not only a decision of a lifetime but it is a decision to change a lifetime. You can either choose to continue your life as it is or try to change the path you are on."
Once the man had explained how the ring works, he pressed it in her hand along with the chain that he folded in the centre of the ring. The man stood up and he said his goodbye as he took his leave. Before Laila was able to tell him to wait or respond, the man had disappeared into the busy street. Laila blinked a few times and looked around to see if she could still see him somewhere, even standing on top of the wooden bench to do so, but the man appeared to have vanished into thin air. As if he had never been here in the first place.

Everyone has that one decision, that one moment in their lives that they think back to from time to time and wonder what could have been if they had made a different choice a 
different decision. A point in time they wish they could go back to. After saving a stranger, Laila has been offered a chance to do just that. 

Laila has nothing she could want from an outsiders perspective. She lives in a big mansion, with a handsome husband and two beautiful children but in reality her life is far from perfect and she couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy. So, if she was offered a chance to change that, shouldn't she take it? How crazy and unbelievable that chance might seem?

This story is indeed in a way a rebirth story but it isn't your typical rebirth story. It is one where the second male lead actually gets the girl. So, if you have ever screamed at your screen over yet another female lead picking the horrible first male lead over the second just because he has realized the error of his ways and therefore all he has done in the past should be forgiven and forgotten, well then search no farther as this is the story for you! Join me in the first week of May as we start this story of how a single decision can determine a lifetime or change it!

Until then, feel free to look at my just completed novel A devil's match :D

You observe the darkness of the sky that only the light of the moon can be seen, along with the shining stars. There you know this is the right time to state your last wish.

A wish that will give hope to the person. A wish that will give light to the people who have lost everything. A wish that gives life to people who are crushed by the cruel fate of life. And a wish that will give hope to what they want in life.

A belief that will give them hope to fulfill their desired wish. That within seven days of counting the seven stars until the last day your request will be fulfilled. As far as their knowledge is concerned, it is not an obstacle for them to despair and be tested, because this is the only solution they see to escape this cruel life. It alone can give light in the midst of the dark world in which they are now.

They peeked their heads out the open window of their houses and they both counted the stars in the sky.

"One, two, three, four, five, six and seven."

They looked at the stars and then bowed their heads. Hands clasped to each other and closed their eyes. They opened their lips and then they both expressed their wish.

"I want to live."

"I want to die."

You can see in their voices and hearts how much they hold on to their wish. This is the last day of the counting of the seven stars in seven days. Last light that will give them hope.

Everyone has different kinds of desires in life that will give comfort to their lives but in this situation can the gods allow such a wish? Where not only their lives will change but also those around them? A wish that also affects a person's destiny and fate? A wish to change everything that should happen?

Belief and trust in this wish is their only hope, the last plan they have, the last way for them to escape. This is the last resort they can think of to escape the chaotic and painful life they have.

Because of the lack of support and help they cling to a belief that with one wish everything will change. To change the cruel fate. To change the cruel life they have. Only this wish can they rely on in the midst of the darkness that no one is able to help alleviate the hardship and sadness they feel.

They prayed to god that their wish would be granted. Like the fairytales and fantasies that can only be seen in the book. That magic will fulfill the wish that can change the course of their lives.

That night they will discover the way of life, how it will be fair and not to every creature. And how god fixes it based on their requests. How can they see the life they have received? Can they say that this opportunity will give them hope? Or despair? Can they understand what they received at the right time? Or will they only understand it later when it is too late? Will they feel remorse? Regret? Happiness? Or sadness?

What will you choose? Do you want to take control of your life leading to your desired life where you will walk in darkness while looking for the path you desire? Or rely on fate and destiny where it will land you? No one knows how destiny and fate works but only the gods are the one who set it, but others say that the way fate and destiny works are more cruel and painful than you think. Will you stay in your sanity with the cruel life you have? Or lose consciousness and become insane because of the suffering you are referring to what you call life?

What do you think? In what way do you want to live? In the way you think is right? Or the way your life was already set? Can you answer this question before something unexpected happens?

What will you choose? The easy way out where you decide where you want to go is the extension of the decisions you make in your life? Or in a life that is ready for you to just keep up with its flow without knowing where it is going?

Or just accepting the fate they set for you is the last remaining answer?

What if this request was merely a distraction from your grief and frustration? To just get yourself a light of happiness? Will you realize this all before everyone gets caught? Or live a life full of remorse and regret? What will you choose? The one you had then? Or the one you have now?

What will you receive? Better life? Or the cruel life you once had?

What will you choose?

They said that when you count seven stars in seven days your wish will be granted because completing those seven days means you  put your faith as strong as your wish. But is it applicable to a life and death situation? 

Like wishing that you still want to live?
(Like wishing that you already want to die?)

I want to start again.
(I want to end it.)

I just want to live.
(I just want to die.)

Will they both understand everything they need to know? That life isn't about suffering and Happiness? Loneliness and Joy? Frustrations and Excitement?

A story that understands each side. That life is not always exactly the way you can imagine.

Switch.

DESTINY
       You can Create Your Own Destiny 
Put your own fate exactly where it belongs-in your hands... It is one of the great questions of life. It's a simple question, really, but it seems impossible for many to answer: Do we control our own destinies? 90% of people think and act as if their destiny is foreordained, while only about 10% believe in the capacity to change and act on it. Creating Your Own Destiny explains and demonstrates to the majority how to dream, plan, and execute a better future-despite the challenges of life.

  Some ignorant people say: "Karma does everything. It is all destiny". If I am destined by my Karma to be like this or like that, why then should I exert? It is my destiny only." This is fatalism. This will bring inertia, stagnation and misery. This is perfect misunderstanding of the laws of Karma. This is a fallacious argument. An intelligent man will certainly not put such a question. You have to make your own destiny from within by your thoughts and actions.

"You are the creator of yourself. What you make yourself to be now; you will be in the future. What you are now, is precisely what you have made yourself to be in the past. What you sow, you shall reap." -- G. de Purucker,

To carve your own destiny you must believe in yourself and your power to change things. We are changing all the time; our thoughts, emotions and actions help us progress and sometimes regress. A person's belief in their ability to 'achieve' their destiny can determine how much effort and work they put into their aims. Others might see a person as being 'fortunate' without respecting all the time and labour they've put in to be successful. Someone might decide they're unlucky as an excuse for giving up when if they just made a tiny bit more effort, they too could be successful. Hard work and Destiny in this respect go hand in hand. Destiny is therefore not just a result of belief but of frame-of-mind and psychological purpose.

You have a free will to choose now.  A rogue is not an eternal rogue. Put him in the company of a saint. He will change in no time. He will think and act now in a different way and will change his destiny. He will become saintly in character. You will have to desire, to think, and act only. You can change Karma in any way you like. Man is not a helpless being. He has a free will of his own. "Destiny is simply the limitation imposed by an already exercised freedom of choice, or what is commonly called free will."

In the book "An Idealist View of Life" the author Dr. S. Radhakrishnan says: "Though the self is not free from the bonds of determination, it can subjugate the past to a certain extent and turn it into a new course. Choice is the assertion of freedom over necessity by which it converts necessity to its own use and thus frees itself from it. The human agent is free-he is not the plaything of fate or driftwood on the tide of uncontrolled events. He can actively mould the future instead of passively suffering the past. The past may become an opportunity or an obstacle. Everything depends on what we make of it and not what it makes of us."

By saying "It is my destiny, I cannot change it" we are limiting ourselves in a self made cell. We are building walls around us.  See even someone born physically handicapped, his disability isn't his destiny.  There is a purpose for everything.  Find out your purpose of your life. Every one can improve their situation by careful analysis and adoption of suitable strategies. Believe in yourself. Personal attitude and approach towards life and values decide your destiny. The cumulative factors precedent to actions and collective offerings create the agony and ecstasy of life. You need to remove the limiting belief and say there arelot of opportunities to grow; Stop saying that limiting words like "It is my Destiny". Believe and say there is opportunity to grow and improve. Say that there is scope and hope. I can grow and there is lot of opportunities. After you find out what is limiting you, you need to correct it. There is nothing to loose but the chains that locking you. Control your destiny.

Free will shapes   your destiny because the choices you make influence how and when you learn the lessons you are destined to learn and have the experiences you are destined to experience. For example, say it is part of your destiny to truly understand and embody courage.  In order for that to happen, you will have to experience things that give you the opportunity to practice being courageous.  Your choices along your life journey will impact how that happens.  Maybe you will choose into a relationship that is difficult and you will have to find the courage to leave.  Or maybe you will be in situations where you choose to speak your truth even if it is not accepted.

Imagine that your life is a treasure map and the pot of gold represents what you are destined to experience.  The choices you make along the way simply impact the route you toward that pot of gold.  There is not just one route to get there – there are many paths that you could possibly take.  That means there are many choices you can make in your life, which will all eventually lead you to the same destination.  Free will just impacts the how and when. But you can relax in the knowing that you will indeed reach the pot of gold.

The Uni-verse is always looking out for you.  It will continue to send you opportunities to direct you toward your destiny.  And if you miss a sign, it will keep sending you more.You are never off course. You are never lost. Sure you may feel a bit disorientated at times, but trust that your Higher Self knows your destiny and is your internal GPS.  The more you are in communication with your Higher Self, rather than your ego, the more direct your route will be. Trust that if there is something you are destined to experience, you will experience it. Trust that if there are things you are destined to do, you will do them.

Trust that if there is someone you are destined to meet or be with; you will meet and be with him or her.This does not mean that you can just stay home and wait for destiny to knock at your door.  Part of what moves you along the treasure map of your life is taking action. Your destiny is not just a pot of gold at the end of your life.  It is present each and every day. Choose to accept everything you are experiencing in life and see it all as part of your destiny.

  Man sows an action or thought and reaps a habit of doing or thinking. He sows a habit and reaps a character. He sows a character and reaps a destiny. Habit is second nature or rather first nature itself. Man has made his own destiny by thinking and acting. He can change his destiny. He is the master of his own destiny. There is no doubt of this. By right thinking he can become master of his destiny. Man decides his own destiny through the choices he makes in life. Most of our choices are based on what will give us the most happiness. Everyone has a favourite word for the inexplicable in life, for that eternal arbiter of universal law which 'Omar Khayyam' calls the 'moving finger'. Others call it variously God, fate, providence and divine force. My word for it is 'DESTINY'. I haven't achieved everything in life by myself; destiny has also been kind to me. Here I may say: "Destiny is what we make of it."

I earnestly believe in my Motto:  "Reject Fate, Realize your Destiny."

Watch your thought, they become your words.
Watch your words, they become your actions.
Watch your actions, they become your habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Watch your thought, they become your words.
Watch your words, they become your actions.
Watch your actions, they become your habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Passing through the door in her invisible form, Jessy entered the house and went into the living room. There... she saw Suzanne looking healthy and very much alive holding the sleeping baby Oliver in her arms. Then she also saw Emma, the woman has tears in her eyes. The toddler Emily was nowhere in sight probably sleeping in one of the rooms.
Suzanne is alive! Jessy feels elated to see her alive.
"Emma, please stop crying," Suzanne said.
"I can't help it, seeing my mother again after how many years is breaking my heart into tiny pieces, the way she neglected my brother and I when we are growing up is something that I can't take lightly," Emma said.
"But you can't ignore your mother and let her sleep in the cold hard floor outside, she will get sick!"
"I want her to go home! I can't allow her to stay with us! Additional mouth to feed is something that we can not allow, the money I have in my saving is not enough for additional mouth to feed, we are both jobless and have babies to feed sooner or later the money will run out," Emma explained her fears.
"It's okay Emma, I will find work as soon as possible so that we can have additional income, you will take care of the babies and I will work for us. Just allow your mother to come inside and sleep here in the living room, please have mercy on your mother," Suzanne said.
"No! After my mother got addicted to alcohol and drugs and neglected us her children, I already have no compassion left for her, she was never a mother to us, she was a stranger!" Emma tried hard to stop the tears from falling but the emotion she felt today after seeing her mother is too much for her to bear.
"Can you just give her a chance to talk to you, give her time to explain why she is here, hear her reason first before you completely ignore her, you have to remember that she is the person that brought you into this world, without her you will never exist, just for the sake of the memories when you were still young before she succumbs to drugs and alcohol, she was a good mom, right? You told me once that you miss your loving mom before she becomes an alcoholic. Can you give your mom a chance? She has all intention to stay with you here and make up for her past mistakes, please forgive her, give her a chance," Suzanne was pleading for the woman's sake waiting outside the door.
Emma was shaking her head. "No! I can't accept her living with us, the pain is too much! She will never change!"
Suzanne sighed. "And what if she will change? How will you know if you will not give her a chance to prove to you that her intention is real? Allow her to live with us for at least one month, if she is not showing any change at all I will kick her out, myself. Common, try to talk to her, please," Suzanne was getting frustrated that Emma was not showing any pity to her mother. The mother arrived late that afternoon but her daughter was ignoring her presence and did not bother to talk to her until evening comes. She took the initiative to bring Emma's mother her meal for dinner into the veranda and she introduces herself to her mother-in-law as Anton's wife, she's glad she finally met her husband's mother, still, Emma refused to talk to her mother. She's getting tired convincing her.
Emma was adamant.
Suzanne looked at her sister-in-law in the eyes. "The night is getting colder outside, please I beg you, Emma, talk to your mother just once, just listen to her for a minute, don't let your emotion take over your judgment. Go into the veranda and talk to her..."
Emma was getting emotionally tired already, she doesn't want to talk to her mother but Suzanne won't stop pestering her unless she will go outside and face her mother...sighing...she rose to her feet and left the living room, she exited the door and steps into the veranda.
She saw her mother sitting on the cold floor.
"Why are you here, Mother?" she asked in a cold voice.
The woman opened her eyes and saw her daughter for the first time after a long time. "My daughter Emma! It's been a long time... I haven't seen you for ages, I miss you so much and your brother Aston!" she broke into painful sobs, she tried to get up to hug her daughter but she avoided her hug.
Emma released a deep sigh, her mother's face looks worse for wear, her eyes full of misery, due to many years of alcohol and drug usage she looks so thin and her skin was blotchy, sagging, she looks like she was dying and just one step towards her grave. Her mother used to be beautiful, but that beauty was wasted the moment she immersed herself in alcohol and drugs.
Her mother was crying hard.
"Please forgive me for being a bad mother to you and your brother, Emma. I want to change for the better, I want to get away from alcohol and drugs, I want to change my miserable life! I don't like my previous life anymore! Please accept me and let me live with you here in your house, I can help you take care of my grandchildren while you guys work. I promised that I will be the children's devoted grandma. I will change for the better. All I need is a little help from you my child...I'm willing to change! Please help me, my daughter...I can't do it alone. Living with you here with the children is my best solution, I will be far from the influence of drugs and alcohol, I have a better chance of flushing those toxins out of my system. I want to change my life but nobody can help me, I need a reason to continue living I'm so lost," the woman said, her body was trembling hard wracked by intense emotions wanting to get out from the confinement of her heart, she let out a heart-wrenching cries as if the emotions she's been trying to lock away inside her heart were bursting out in the open.
Emma was also crying silently watching her mother's pathetic condition. She desperately wanted to believe that her mother is ready to change. She was afraid to hope but when her mother mentioned wanting to change her life... she detected the sincerity in her words and voice and it touches her heart deeply.
All her growing up years she has been praying to God that her parents will change their bad habits and began paying more attention to her and her brother, but her prayers failed in vain. But now that her prayers were finally heard...would she send her mother away without giving her a chance to change?
Maybe it's about time to forgive and forget.
Emma went to her mother's side and hugged her tightly. "Shhh...stop crying mother...I already have forgiven you and you can stay with us. You can live with us here...as long we help each other we will survive somehow."
"Thank you so much, daughter! I promised you I will not fail you this time. I'm now ready to change my life. I'm so fucking tired of my previous life. I can't take it anymore, I'm so guilty and feeling bad how I destroyed my life and my children's life. I'd been eaten with guilt and shame through the years. Then last week I saw the news about the arrest of your brother Aston...that's when I realized that I fucked up big time as a mother. That was the last straw, I decided to change for the better hoping it's not too late yet." 


In the 20th century...

Enraged by the savage vampires merciless slaughter, the human race had enough! Finally, the anti-vampire vaccine was created by humans to protect themselves. The vaccine was able to annihilate 90% of vampires' race on earth. With nowhere to go and trapped below the ground, the remaining vampires needs to survive, it's either adopt... become mortal and survive...or perish!

Prince Adam was assigned the task to take care of the mortal being named Jessy, the girl that was chosen in the prophecy. Once her blood ingested by vampires' it can transformed them into human beings, fangs gone within seven days, guaranteed!

Prince Adam fell in love with Jessy... the girl that was destined to marry his brother, Prince Zain.

Prince Zain and Jessy's union will secure the vampires' royal lineage... their offspring will bring forth a new race of powerful crossbreed. One day the vampire race shall reign supreme again on earth.

To secure the safety of the vampires turned into mortals, Jessy has to make a big sacrifice that will change her life forever.




***The cover is not mine. All credits goes to the owner.


~My other novels on this site~

* The Vampire's Love: You Are My Destiny~ Ongoing~ Vampire, Demon's, Shapeshifter.
* Hidden Husband ~ Completed ~ Contemporary Romance
* The CEO's Painted Skin ~ (Completed) Contemporary romance, 510 chapters~ Completed.
* Sweet Surrender: The CEO's Second Wife~ Completed.
* The Tale Of Three Sisters : ( Completed) Fantasy Romance, Adventure ~ Completed.

Again Skyler took my hand and snapped his fingers and we were on the streets. Where we were exactly, I wasn't sure. 

As if knowing my thoughts, he said, "We are now in Boston. The portal to the Afterlife is between those two doors." Pointing at a brick wall across the street. 

"How do we get in?"

"Actually, we just have to wait until there is no one around and just walk in."

"But there is no door."

"Trust me."

I huffed. 

"Okay coast is clear, let's go."

We walked into the street, then straight to the other side and as we got closer to the wall he hastened his walk, pulling me along. I closed my eyes and when we stopped moving, I opened my eyes.  

To my surprise when I opened my eyes, there was just a grey room with a table and a chair. "Wow. So this is the afterlife?"

"No, this is where you can decide to go back to a point in time in your old life and change this future or to start a new one." 

"But I thought you had just said there was no Heaven, Hell or Reincarnation?" 

"Well I lied. I have found that none of those options give the dearly departed any closure, so to help them move on, I made up the Afterlife. And it works, look you made that decision to leave so quickly."

"What the hell! How could you? You denied me the time I could have had with my family."

"No, I am giving you that chance right now. You can decide to change a moment in your timeline to change this outcome."

"What?"

"Yes, all you have to do is decide on a date and time and you can go back and change it. But you only have one chance. Or you can decide to live in Heaven and wait for your family, the true afterlife"

"Of course I want to go back. But when I die next time, will I still get to go to Heaven?"

"It will depend on your actions up until the point when you die. Cause not everyone goes there."

"You mean Hell?"

"Yes, that is why telling people they will just be going to "Afterlife" works because who will leave if I tell them they are going to Hell?"

"Does everyone get a chance to go back?"

"No."

"Then how come you are offering me a chance?"

"Well actually… well I can't actually say."

"What? You have to tell me now."

"Well…"

"Come on!" I slapped him on the shoulder.

"Well fine. The reason I am giving you this chance is because the reason you died was caused by Demons. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. We were trying to rid the Demons from the shop you visited on New Year's Eve when you got in the crossfire." 

"What? I don't remember anything like that happening."

"Well do you remember a chill right before you exited the store? That was one of the Demon's plasma balls hitting you straight in the heart. Not long after, well you know. Here you are."

"So, you are giving me this chance because you feel sorry about what happened that day? Or does it mean you guys lost that day and you need me to rewind time so that you can have a do over?"

"Well, of course it is because we are sorry about what happened. Being able to change the outcome of that battle is just an added bonus." He chuckled nervously. 

"Really?" I was skeptical. "So if I go back, I get to choose the point in time, right?"

"Well, technically, I could only bring you back to the point where it changed the direction of your life. Like that day on New Year's Eve," he said hesitantly.

"Well then forget it. I've lived a charmed life and I am old now. If I go to Heaven I will still see my family some day, why go back?"

"Yes, but…"

"I've made up my mind." I said dismissively 

"Wait just hear me out, how about if I tell you, you might not see your whole family in heaven?"

"What do you mean?" I asked frantically

"Well there is your youngest, he has done some terrible things, though now he has turned his life around, but the lost of you in his world, devastated him and now who's to say how he will be judged when the time comes."

I was panicked by his words but then a moment of clarity, "Well, even if I go back and change this one event on New Year's Eve it would not change his history. So that makes no difference."

"But what if I tell you that if you continue to live, he continues to do more good and changes his fate?"

"I'm listening."

"Your survival will allow your youngest to focus on his life rather than wallow in his sorrow. The sorrow that might cause his relationship to unravel and also lose all determination to do anything."

"Fine I'll go back, but I want to go back a little further, to a New Year's Day 45 years ago and change a decision I truly felt changed the direction of my life," I said.

"No, that is too far back and too many things might change, too many variables to control. I can't allow it."

"But that means it is possible." I almost jumped for joy at the possibility.

"No, no, no. We are not going back that far!"

"But all I wanted my whole life was to go back and change what happened. Now that I am presented with the possibility. I can't pass up on it."

"Just wondering, I am not saying that we can. What is it that you want to change?"

"I want to go back to the day I had my ultrasound, the day when my silence might have killed Avari."

If I could change the past, would we still be together? I want to go back, I want the life I had. Not this nightmare I am living.

.
.
.
Just as I changed Classes to Ragaraja, I felt a dwelling power within my body, it was pink and purple-colored, and it permeated me entirely.
The power originated from within my heart, connected to my soul, where a large sphere of darkness with a fleshy heart was constantly pumping this energy into me.
Ah, this was the Sin of Lust, wasn't it?
And what permeates me… is it lust itself? The energy of lust, what gives me lust.
I suppose this is what gives me the drive to have sex every night without even getting tired?
Well, not entirely, I am still quite a big pervert myself.
Anyways, this energy, I do not remember being able to perceive it was good as new.
It is as if it was completely different energy of its own, isolated from Life, Magic, or Soul Energy.
But why? Does the Sin of Lust create its own type of energy?
I will call it 'Lust Energy' I guess?
So by changing into this Class, I can perceive this energy and… Oh, that's it.
I can use this energy and transform it into the other three, and even constantly do it, which also slowly, very slowly, increases the quality of my flesh and soul.
Exchanging the three primordial energies around one's body to temper it and increase its quality is what they call 'cultivation' in Genesis, or well, the old one.
Although mortals cultivate automatically through leveling up, Gods have to do this manually, as they cannot level up any longer, not receiving the support of the System in that regard.
I have learned all of this not from only asking Agatheina and the other Gods, but from all the memories of the Gods I've consumed.
So now, I am rather well versed in most of these basic god stuff, if I say so myself.
Anyways, I guess this is the effect of the Ragaraja Skill, it lets me perceive my lust as energy, and use it to achieve spiritual enlightenment… or cultivation.
It is just as the description of this deity was about, interesting…
Well, because this energy seemed to be almost endlessly produced by my Sin, I simply started using it to 'cultivate' straight away, combining it with my self-devouring cultivation from Uroboros.
Now that I have assessed this new ability, I glanced at my available Classes once again, picking up the next one on the list.
[Root of Life Magic Queen]
A Class unlocked by someone who has mastered Life Attribute Magic and is capable of manipulating it from within the root of its concept.  
This Class strengthens some of the user's stats while enhancing the user's ability to manipulate, shape, and create life.  
This Class offers an increase in the level of skills related to Life Attribute Magic and creation.
[Available Skills: None.  
[Exchangeable Stat Bonuses: [+3000 HP +2000 MP] (12000 SP) (Required to Complete the Class)
My Root of Life Magic had been stuck at level 10 for a while, I believe.
So this Class might finally let me awaken it.
Ding!
[Kireina] changed Classes to [Root of Life Magic Queen]!]
[Kireina] gained +1000 HP and +1000 MP!]
[Kireina] exchanged 12000 Skill Points for the [+3000 HP +2000 MP] (12000 SP) (Required to Complete the Class) Stat Bonuses!]
[Kireina] acquired [+3000 HP and +2000 MP]!]
[The [Root of Life Attribute Magic; Level 10] Skill has awakened [Transcendental Root of Life Magic Queen: Level 1] Skill!]
[The Levels of the [Transcendental Root of Life Magic Queen: Level 1], [Life's Enmity; Level 9], [Transcendental Matriarch of Nature Battle Arts: Level 3], and [Gifted and Graceful Heart of the Lighting Storm of Nature Knight; Level 9], [Forced Evolution Induction; Level 8], [Enhanced Quality: Body Parts Materials: Level 2], [Ambrosia's Divine Heaven's Fruit Creation; Level 5], and [Divine Womb of Monstrous Birth: Level 1] Skills have increased!]
[The [Life's Enmity: Level 10], [Determination to Overcome the Mighty; Level 10], [Ancient Mythical Beast Slayer; Level 10] Skills have merged and awakened into the [Divine Enemy: Level 1] Skill!]
[The [Gifted and Graceful Heart of the Lighting Storm of Nature Knight; Level 10] Skill has awakened into the [Almighty Demon Goddess of Lust Heart of Charming Domination: Level 1] Skill!]
[Transcendental Root of Life Magic Queen: Level 2/10]
The powerful magic wielded by the one who had transcended its comprehension of life itself, becoming capable of shaping it to its will and bring birth to an endless amount of lifeforms.
[Spells; [Heavenly Life Beam], [Divine Life Aura], [Overwhelming Vitality Enhancement], [Divine Life Infusing Breath], [Holy Life Elder Dragon Claws of Devastation], [Heavenly Landscape Life Infusion], [Devil Venomous Life Secretion], [Spiritual Life Priestess Purification], [Transcendental Life's Whisper], [Greater Life Enhancement], [Create Life], […]
[Divine Enemy: Level 1/10]
The power to slay the mighty, to destroy the ones who overlook creation, and the ones who brought life and can bring their demise.
Those who have become the enemies of the almighty gods are known as Divine Enemies.
Increase your damage dealt against any being, be it alive or not, while doubling your damage dealt against any 'Divine' being.
Increase the power of this Skill by leveling it up.
[Almighty Demon Goddess of Lust's Heart of Charming Domination: Level 1/10]
Your heart is grotesque and monstrous, but from within your inner self, another one had been born.
Although you possess the heart of an Abyssal Calamity Demon, you also possess the Heart of an Almighty Demon Goddess of Lust, with the power to dominate those you charm and bring them to your path.
Do not worry, as they will do so willingly, after all, once they have a taste of your heart, they will no longer think of you as anything else than their almighty lady.
These skills are pretty amazing, another batch has awakened.
My original Heart Skill became part of the Abyss Calamity Demon, but I also had another heart Skill, one made through the fusion of the Heart Skills of some of the Elemental Knights of Athetosea, and that one, who has been stuck at level 9 for a while, finally got to level 10 and awakened straight away, how intriguing.
Now, our next Class is…
[Aberrant Hermaphroditus]
A Class unlocked by the aberrant embodiment of formless flesh and constant shapeshift, with no defined form yet possessing both genders, it has become an aberrant Hermaphroditus.  
This Class strengthens some of the user's stats while enhancing the user's ability to shapeshift.
This Class offers an increase in the level of skills related to shapeshifting.  
[Available Skills: [Hermaphroditus: Level 1] (12000 SP) (Required to Complete the Class)
[Exchangeable Stat Bonuses: [+5000 Charisma +2000 HP] (9600 SP) (Required to Complete the Class)
This one is… well, like any of the previous ones, quite weird.
But I am pretty deep into this mess to go back now.
Ding!
[Kireina] changed Classes to [Aberrant Hermaphroditus]!]
[Kireina] gained +1000 Charisma and +1000 HP!]
[Kireina] exchanged 21600 Skill Points for the [Hermaphroditus: Level 1] (12000 SP) (Required to Complete the Class) and [+5000 Charisma +2000 HP] (9600 SP) (Required to Complete the Class) Skills and Stat Bonuses!]
[Kireina] learned the [Hermaphroditus: Level 1] Skills!]
[Kireina] acquired [+5000 Charisma +2000 HP]!]
[The Levels of the [Hermaphroditus: Level 1], [Fusion: Level 4], [Body Merge: Level 4], [Soul Merge: Level 5], [Nyarlathotep: Level 4], and [True Divine Aberrant Existence: Demon Goddess Hermaphroditus Nyarlathotep: Level 5] Skills have increased!]
[Hermaphroditus: Level 2/10]
The Divine Embodiment of a Hermaphroditus, a special living being who shares both genders.
Grants the user the ability to greatly shapeshift its own body, while making it easier for both genders to coexist, or to be separated, making everything swifter.
Can be used as a Curse over any being who is willing, granting the [Hermaphrodite] Status Effect in the target momentarily, the time of the duration can go up to 24 hours, but the Curse can be undone at any time by the caster.
[Hermaphrodite] Status Effect: A Unique Status Effect that grants the victim the ability to have two genders, forming both genitalia, no other physical appearance change would occur, aside from former males generating wider hips and breasts.
The seed produced through this status effect is fertile, and so is the womb. If a victim of this curse ends up pregnant, the status effect will last until the victim gives birth.
Ah… This Skill is… Well, useful? I guess…
Well, I was already able to do all of that, but thanks for the little boost, it can now be done even easier.
I already see myself as a woman most of the time, and to be honest, I am not a Hermaphroditus all the time, as I am usually in my pure woman form, only popping up my old friend when there is nighttime, and if the occasion calls for it.
Although I am fairly sure that I could take into a male form, even my previous life one as well, pretty easily in fact…
But I do not really want to, nor feel any necessity, I am already a woman, and I feel comfortable as one.
And well… There is that… Status Effect inflicted through a Curse… The one that can last up to 24 hours…
Y-Yeah, that opens a lot of new possibilities, more than before…
B-But for now, let's keep this for me, and only for myself.
So, let us leave it at that and go for the next Class.
[Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen]
A Class unlocked by the matriarch queen that brings mutation, change, and evolution to all living and unliving beings, forming a new era.  
This Class strengthens some of the user's stats while enhancing the user's ability to mutate, change, and evolve other living and unliving beings.
This Class offers an increase in the level of skills related to evolution.  
[Available Skills: [Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen: Level 1] (12000 SP) (Required to Complete the Class)
[Exchangeable Stat Bonuses: [+5000 Charisma +2000 MP] (9600 SP) (Required to Complete the Class)
Ooh, this one is… Pretty useful?
It might help me evolve things faster, or something.
Ding!
[Kireina] changed Classes to [Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen]!]
[Kireina] gained +1000 Charisma +1000 MP!]
[Kireina] exchanged 21600 Skill Points for the [Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen: Level 1] (12000 SP) (Required to Complete the Class) and [+5000 Charisma +2000 MP] (9600 SP) (Required to Complete the Class) Skills and Stat Bonuses!]
[Kireina] learned the [Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen: Level 1] Skills!]
[Kireina] acquired [+5000 Charisma +2000 MP]!]
[The Levels of the [Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen: Level 1], [Forced Evolution Induction; Level 9], [Bestow Chaos: Level 2], and [Echidna: Level 2] Skills have increased!]
[The [Forced Evolution Induction; Level 10], [Bestow Chaos: Level 3], and [Mutation, Change, and Evolution Matriarch Queen: Level 2] Skills have merged and awakened into the [Diabolical Demon Matriarch Goddess of Mutation, Change, and Evolution: Level 1] Skill!]
[The Level of the [Diabolical Demon Matriarch Goddess of Mutation, Change, and Evolution: Level 1] has increased!]
Oh?! They all just merged!
Interesting…
[Divine Demon Matriarch Goddess of Mutation, Change, and Evolution: Level 2/10]
The power to bring change to the world, to life, and death, that is the ability of the one who they call the Demon Matriarch Goddess of Mutation, Change, and Evolution, a power far beyond comprehension.
The mutation is change, constant adaptation and transformation, not living being, nor unliving being remain as the same, they constantly change.
This skill grants the user the power to accelerate this process.
[Abilities: [Divine Evolution Induction], [Divine Mutation Induction], [Divine Change Induction], [Bestow Chaos], [Divine Aura of Evolution, Change, and Mutation], [Transformation of Life], [Transformation of Death], […]
So this just merges it all I guess.
Yeah, I already know I can do all of this, but this now opens even wider paths.
Especially those with 'Divine' in them.
So now I have two ways of bringing evolution, through this method… or well, filling someone's EXP to the max and let them evolve 'naturally'.
I guess I should do the latter when someone is near becoming a Living Deity? Most of my strongest wives should be able to evolve into Living Deities when they finally max out their level…
So at some point, I might let them become living deities, but I don't know if I have enough for that now…
And well, you could call me selfish, but I want to become a Living Deity first before letting them become one.
Not entirely because I want to be the first or all of that crap.
But for security.
When a mortal becomes a god, something named 'Divine Trial' happens.
The entire world becomes your enemy, it is as if they are trying you deny you the path to godhood, and send forth a 'trial', something like a punishment of the World's Will, and well, a challenge.
Such challenges are powerful, they're 'beings' made out of divinity that represent the natural disasters within other things, and they're incredibly strong.
And I want to be prepared for that whenever it happens to my family, so I better become a Living Deity first…
Anyways, there are still many Skill Points left… and I have not even drunk the Elixirs that come with even more, so there is still some more Class Change left.  
.
.
.


Please make sure to check out my other novels, I am sure that you will like them! 
Demon Queen Rebirth: I Reincarnated as a Living Armor?! 
My World Traveling System: The Harbinger of Death
Vampire Overlord System in the Apocalypse
Epic of Ice Dragon: Reborn as an Ice Dragon with a System
Epic of Summoner: Supreme Summoner System in the Apocalypse

A young adult man dies from a fever and is reincarnated in a world of swords and magic dominated by a strange and mysterious Game-like System as the weakest being, a Caterpillar! 

Gaining abilities from the monsters that it eats, Kireina uses her sharp adaptability and wits to overcome the odds against her in a world where everyone wants to eat her alive!

As Kireina evolves and gathers a group of followers and subordinates, discover how our protagonist builds a monster Kingdom from zero, in a world dominated by Humans, terrifying Monsters, and arrogant Gods who only wish her death!

In front of her enemies, there will be only two options!
Will you obey me or will you be eaten?

You can check the Illustrations of the Novel's characters in the first Auxiliary Chapter!

https://discord.gg/JmEne5zHdt

*Updates: 1/day, 2 chapters/day in the last four days of the week
*Chapter Lenght as of latest chapters; 2.2k words or more. Cannot bring me to write less. 

-Spoilers Below!-

This story has a monster's main character quickly growing stronger through trials and battles, learning skills, and evolving both mentally and physically. 

There is also a large cast of characters with their own personalities and interesting backgrounds, chapters filled with battles and a lot of teamwork, an ever-growing Kingdom of monsters and demi-humans, and wars against humans and other monsters kingdoms. 

The Main Character quickly gathers strong allies and a warm family, alongside adorable children which she loves more than anything. It becomes a story about a ruthless family of powerful monsters that seem terrifying for her enemies but are indeed incredibly adorable and heartwarming to each other and their Kingdom, which they treasure greatly. 

There are chapters filled with war and intense battles, alongside parts where the main character settles down and has a few days of a carefree slice of life with her family while exploring the mysteries of this ever-growing world filled with gods and powerful beings roaming everywhere. A World filled with countless Realms inhabited by different Gods and their unique flora and fauna, waiting to be explored and conquered. 
------
Known as the Realm Menace, Kireina's power grows stronger and stronger by each day, how will the Realm of Vida deal with such a menace?

Her Chronicles are just starting, but, surely, her appearance and her actions will leave a mark of destruction on this Realm that shall never be forgotten.
------
This story is about a normal person that slowly turns into a devil, a selfish demon, bringing change and destruction to the entire Realm where she was born. 

The MC is not at all a "good villain", neither someone who do "bad things" blindly, but someone that is completely self-aware of its actions and the damage that it causes. Doing them for the benefit of herself and her family. 
------
Taking Advantage of wars between Kingdoms, and crushing the weakened winning side, taking all the benefits for herself, brainwashing heroes to become her servants or heartwarming times with her family, things like these will be very common.

Kireina grows to become very versatile, she can be incredibly ruthless to her enemies and future enemies, and a doting and loving parent to her family. 
------

Original Covers Illustrations made by the amazing Lumi and Sadi_Eve! 

Also special thanks to TrueDawn for helping me out with the edition of the cover! He's an amazing writer check his book; "I Reincarnated as a Stick", it was a big inspiration for me!

Change your thoughts and you change your world. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himselfOnly I can change my life. No one can do it for me.The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.You will never know yourself completely and that's fine. The wise are limitless.The most beautiful and profound way to change yourself is to accept yourself completely, as imperfect as you areThat is at bottom the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter.The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid orderThe only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.After you've done a thing the same way for two years, look it over carefully. After five years, look at it with suspicion. And after ten years, throw it away and start all over. 
What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness, pride — nothing is secure, nothing keeps. 
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. 
If you want to make enemies, try to change something. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. 

Things do not change; we change. 

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples. 

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. 

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. 

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. 



Change your thoughts and you change your world. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himselfOnly I can change my life. No one can do it for me.The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.You will never know yourself completely and that's fine. The wise are limitless.The most beautiful and profound way to change yourself is to accept yourself completely, as imperfect as you areThat is at bottom the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most singular and the most inexplicable that we may encounter.The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid orderThe only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.After you've done a thing the same way for two years, look it over carefully. After five years, look at it with suspicion. And after ten years, throw it away and start all over. 
What can we take on trust in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness, pride — nothing is secure, nothing keeps. 
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. 
If you want to make enemies, try to change something. If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Things do not change; we change. 
I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples. 
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. 



The best way to predict your future is to create it ...

to change your life novel

Change Your Life

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