This is the story of a boy, an average boy, and his life. Read, listen, maybe even learn. Regardless of how you feel, all these events are true. They took place not long ago, although it feels like forever ago, that I knew this boy. 

So here I am now, and I will tell you what he told me. His life. His journey. His lesson. Every story has a beginning, and mine begins near the end. Mine starts the day he walked into my house and told me everything.

Why can it sometimes be so hard to know how find faith? I know you've probably had many moments staring out the window, wondering where your hope has gone. Where did your zest for life go? You begin to wonder when you lost it.

The sorrowing truth is this: you have become jaded in a world that makes it too easy to become hopeless. People hurt you, bad things happen and you've been in the cycle of trying to fight for your hope, but still losing it in the end.

But don't ever believe you're alone in this storm and struggle. Here are a few gentle words to soothe your soul, and to help regain the hope that has been lost in your life.

How to Find Faith: 4 Reminders For When You've Lost Hope

1. It's OK To Need Time To Recharge

Sometimes the way to find faith can be to rest in God. Try to wade out all of life's demands: family, technology, travels and work. Take time for yourself to simply breathe and reflect. Somewhere along the way, your soul has become numb to the world, so you've been living just by going through the motions of life.

But you desire to feel hope again. So take time to reflect on what has made you jaded. Was it a specific moment, a season or just your own emotions? Try to take yourself back to those moments, and pray for God to calm the storm inside you.

"But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more."  —Psalm 71:14

2. Remember To Confide In Others

Acknowledge your feelings for yourself and before others. Talk to your partner or family member about your inner struggle of feeling hopeless, and seek prayer from others.

Our God is a God of restoration, fully and completely. It's incredible how your emotions can affect your day-to-day living. You've missed opportunities. You haven't fully relished the moments. Begin to comprehend that the inner storm within you is mightier than you think, and it matters a great deal to God; it's not just a passing thought to Him. God desires that you be fully hopeful, mentally pressing into His divine nature to receive all the beauty, the joy, the peace and the goodness that only He has for you.

"Return to your fortress, you prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you." —Zechariah 9:12

3. You Can Renew Your Faith

So, where does this all begin? It begins with remembering how you first found faith. Have the unshaken and unwavering faith that God can simply restore your hope. Have faith that He will give you even more than you ask. Have faith that He will not give you a fleeting emotion, but a constant hope. It is a hope that rests in His hands, and therefore, a hope that can't be stolen. Don't forget that our God is crazy for you, He delights in you and He will give you a glowing, beaming hope if you just simply seek Him with all that is in you.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  —Hebrews 11:1

4. Identify What Is Causing Your Worries

Lastly, is there something that is stealing your hope that only rests in the future? Perhaps it's something as simple as getting old and not fulfilling all God had for you that's making you unable to live life to the fullest now.

Take time to reflect on the things racing in your mind. Don't feed into the lies as that's exactly where the enemy wants you – so wrapped up in the glorification of the self that you've lost the thrill of simply giving glory to God alone with your life. Let go of those worries and focus on finding joy in God.

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you."  —Psalm 39:7

Restore your mind, beloved. Restore your thought patterns to godly patterns by reading His Word. You were not created to live and die. You were created to live, truly live, and to share that same life you found in the Father to others. Exterior beauty and joy only lasts for so long. Find the interior beauty, hope and joy that lasts eternally in Him.

You may also be interested learning how to find faith with The Simple Prayer Habit That Could Radically Transform Your Life

Time goes by and still I live alone.


Now I'm working at a large hospital in Sydney.
While walking around at Harbor Bridge. I saw this man who is watching the sunset with a big smile in his face. I think he's face is somewhat, familiar. 

Beep. Beep… I was in my near death because while watching the sunset, I was almost hit by a car but this man rescued me. Thanks to her I still live in this sad life of mine again.

"Miss, are you crazy, strolling around without being aware of your surroundings". "You know, life is too short, enjoy life!, maybe that problem you carry, has a solution, it's not yet the end".

Then after he say those word, I got speechless for the second time. Those are the exact word that Hance said back then when we were just in our teenage days.

The next time I saw him was at the hospital. I never thought that , that person is ill. Yes, he is, he got Leukemia, and I was the private nurse who got assigned to her.

When we met, he say" You? Are you the one who will take care of me?, what the…., Maybe you are the one whose going to die first, because of your careless act."

"Yes, Sir, I'm the one to take care of you, and don't worry Sir, If you think that I don't care about my self, maybe your right, but I care about my patients a lot Sir, because I know the feeling to be left alone. And I'll be sad if my patients will left their family all alone."

Month has past and this guy name Lance , got her situation worst. He was terminally ill and the only medicine that the doctor recommends is prayer.

While we headed towards the Land of Sands, I tried helping Fox out with her training. Although her improvements were small, training together helped her out a lot. During that time, she managed to doges a few times, and predict my movements based on sound alone. "Keep going like this, and your hearing will improve…" I wanted to continue, but stopped myself. 'Now is not the time for that. When we get to Sedon, I will ask her' I thought.

Shortly after that, we entered the territory of Golems. The Land of Sands didn't change at all. No signs of war, no signs of enemies. It was rather peaceful. We headed straight to the Golems' only city, Varent. No one stopped us when we tried to enter, which was great. 'A nice change from all those passes, emblems and whatnot' I thought. I said to Fox, "We will go visit someone. He should help us meet the leaders and perhaps provide some information, if he values the favour I did for him". Fox didn't know who I was talking about, but that didn't matter.

We climbed the stairs to an upper section of Varent, where a certain someone lived. I knocked on the doors, and waited. I could hear someone, or rather something running around inside, then footsteps approached the doors. "Yes? How can I help you? I didn't post any tasks recently…" said a Golem after opening the doors.

I replied "You may have a hard time recalling me, but I was the one who healed your pet Slate". The Golem narrowed his eyes, and asked "Did you? Then how did you heal it? If you are who you are, you should know what happened right?". That was a test, he knew we went to that cave alone. No one followed us, and if I knew the answer, this would prove my identity.

I told him exactly what happened at that time, and his brows eased up. Not only eased up, but shock appeared on his stone face. "It really is you… No wonder Slate acted weirdly, he still recognises you". I smiled, and entered while Fox followed closely behind. Inside his house, the Golem said "You did some bad stuff in the past… but I don't blame you. There are and were shenanigans going on within Golem community. I don't know what exactly Graver did to you, but I guess you had your reasons". 

I replied "He tried to collect information on me. This alone would be fine, if not for the membership stone being rigged. Without my permission, the stone recorded stuff about me. This warranted his, and his minions death". The Golem seemed really surprised. He asked "Is that true? That is against our customs. He deserved death in that case. Although… more Golems deserve it, now that the war of the North plays out". 

I asked "Can you tell me what you guys are planning? What is your purpose of not joining any camp?". He replied "In our true values, we would stay out of it. We have our own place, and we were never concerned with others. Those are our core beliefs, we only care about Land of Sands. Although I say this, times changed. It seems, we will become your enemies Human". I replied seriously, "In that case, I will have to destroy you. If your intention was to really stay out of it, and help no sides… I could accept that. But what you said, is a potential destruction to our own forces". 

He sighed while replying, "I'm against this too. I don't know why the leaders suddenly changed their minds". I had a reason in mind, "My guess? Eterians. I'm not saying they are controlled by Eterians, although that might be possible too. I'm saying they might've received a deal, they just couldn't decline. Do you guys lack anything?". 

He thought about it, and replied "No, I don't think… Wait, there was that theory a few years ago. One of the Golems claimed our Energy source would dry up soon. Supposedly, he stole that secret from the leaders of our city Varent. He was hailed as a criminal, who tried to harm our community and the city itself. In fact, the leaders did limit the use of Life Energy inside Varent, which is weird. This could mean, the stuff about our Life Energy drying up is true. The problem is, Life Energy stones originate here. Where would Eterians get them from, even if that theory was true?".

'Hmm true, or perhaps those rocks don't originate in… No... this could be possible' I thought. Boltier had that crystal. If that could power Golems, they would have infinite energy. "There's one possibility. Say, can I meet with your leaders?". He shook his head, and replied "No, even if you wanted to discuss something important. Outsiders are simply not allowed. I can convey your message, but I don't think they would do anything about it". 'In that case, Varent will cease to exist' I thought. I wouldn't take chances, especially since the stakes were so high.

"I can only say, leave Varent. Take those who also wish to live peacefully, and find a new home. If we are to become enemies, I will not hesitate to destroy this city". He looked at his pet Slate for a while, and said "The Dark Traveller eh? I believe you. After all, everyone knows why Yagaroths and Avians ceased to exist. But, there is nowhere I can leave. Without Life Energy, I will die anyway… The whole city will die…".

He continued after a while, "I have another favour to ask of you". I asked, "What is it?". He said, "Take Slate with you. He feeds on different sort of Life Energy stones, which you know about. Thanks to my research, I know that Slate can live for many more years, much more than you will live. These types of rocks are in abandoned outside Varent, collecting them shouldn't be an issue either. That is my last favour". 

I thought about it, and replied "It's not impossible. The question is, will Slate go with me?". The Golem looked at Slate for a while, and said "Go with him Slate. If we join the war, we will probably die. If we don't, who knows what those Eterians want. We might die anyway. It seems the leaders made up their minds". Slate refused though, it wanted to stay with its master, till the end of time. This was admirable in itself, such faithful companion was not easily found. 

The Golem tried persuading Slate, but it wouldn't budge. I said, "It seems Slate wants to stay with you, for good or for bad. This alone is worthy of respect". He shook his head, and said "I want at least him to survive… Human... Take him, even if he doesn't want it". Slate stood up, and backed away from me. I shook my head while saying, "I can't do that. I can't force Slate to go with me, this is against my beliefs".

The Golem stood up, and took out a rock from somewhere. When Slate saw it, he started running away immediately. The Golem managed to catch it, and pressed the stone onto him. Slate lost all his strength, and fell asleep. The Golem said, "Now, it's not against his will. Take him Human, before you raze this place to the ground. That's all I'm asking of you". Fox nudged me lightly, and said quietly "Let's take him. It's the least we can do right? At least one Golem will still survive…". 

I sighed, and agreed. "Alright. I will take Slate away from here". He nodded again, then passed me a round and well polished stone. He said, "This is my storage stone. Everything I own, is inside. Slate's Life Energy stones are there too. This should last him another fifty if not more years". 

I took the stone, and hid it in my clothes. Slate was heavy though. When I picked him up, I could feel his weight pressing down on me. The Golem followed us outside and continued until we left Varent. When the distance was deemed safe by me, I placed Slate down and said "You can still stay here. You don't have to return there". He shook his head while replying "I lived long enough. Such eternal life is boring you know. I always envied those who got older and died. They had goals, while we simply exist. Perhaps that is the reason behind our indifference. Maybe we just live too long".

'How ironic. Those that possess longer lifespan, wish to die. Those with a shorter lifespan, wish to live longer' I thought. I told Fox to stay with Slate, while we returned to Varent.

** 
The book is completed. The 1st volume (e-book) is available for my patreons or through amazon! 
https://www.patreon.com/darkrayauthor 
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B086PY3HYV 
**
Have you ever considered, what is a Limit? Well, I have. I’ve seen people who were as strong, as wild animals. Those that were faster than the wind. Some that shined with intellect. Yet, what are the Limits of mankind’s strength, or intelligence? 

No one seems to know. We develop more and more, seemingly without an end. What if, someone was the smartest in the world? Would that suggest the Limit? What if, someone was the strongest in the world? Would that be the Limit? Would that make that someone, more than a Human? These are just questions, but what if I saw people reach their Limits? What if I know what happens, when you break the Limits? What if I were to tell you about it, would you believe me? 
-------------------------------------------------- 
My other novel, I'm Anna: 
https://www.webnovel.com/book/13714177505936205/I'm-Anna
Discord: https://discord.gg/BaxBX3f

[ 6 years Ago]

Sofia said with a beautiful smile on her face: "The very first day you came to this world. Not only that I have seen through all your memories."

With this she declare that she knows everything about Jellal's past life also know about this world future.

She was laughing at first but after sometime she begin to change her face from happy one a serious one.

Sofia Said with serious voice: "But in order to survive this world you are weak. You are weak from very core of your being. Don't worry it's not a power weakness or body weakness neither Talent weakness. Instead it's personality weakness."

When Sofia said those Jellal's face changed many times along with her sentence. From anger to helpless his face changed many times because he also realized that what she told him wasn't a lie instead it's true. His personality is even weaker then original Jellal when he falls under mind control.

Sofia once again said with strong voice with some anger in it: " You are a scary cat who is afraid of yourself, Afraid of the future which still haven't come, Afraid of changing yourself, Afraid why you are in this world, Afraid of this world darkness, Afraid of the people of this world, Afraid of all the problem you have to face, Afraid of those who never had exsisted in anime, You are afraid of so many unnecessary things that has nothing to do with your life, Your fear began to become Annoying."

When Jellal heard all those his body trembled. He understood himself more than anyone else in the world. He knows that what Sofia is all true but he just doesn't want to accept those. Now that Sofia said those he can't control himself. He started to cry without any control.

Jellal said while crying: "What can I do, I am just a ordinary person. In my entire life I haven't even killed a Rabbit let alone killing the strongest Dragon in the world just to save it. What can I do in this world where every place filled with death, I might die anytime. I don't want to die I want to live and see all the things around the world. Every continent, Every Realm, Every World, I just want to see many things meet all those people I had seen in anime manga etc. I just want to go every beautiful place in every world there is. I just want to live a happy beautiful life. I just want to learn many things. I just want to live happy, beautiful, An ordinary life, where I have a wife with two children who will grow up with proper education."

Sofia didn't say anything, she just keep listening what Jellal was saying.

Jellal's didn't stop talking instead his crying replace with a crazy smile and he said: " But sometimes I have feeling of wanting something else. I feel it's like a different part of me. Which one want to learn how to fight. Meet stronger people and fight them. Fighting is the only thing that side of love. That sides of me wants nothing more than fighting strong, live my life as I own it, Never care about anything else. Killing everyone who dare to cross my path."

Jellal keep on going about himself but this time his face show a true smile: " In the end all I ever wanted and always will want is to love someone and love by someone. I am just afraid that my other side will Destroy everything that I ever wanted and will make me forget everything. In the end I just want to live a happy life."

After saying all those Jellal stay quiet for a while. Also Sofia didn't say anything at all for a while. After few minutes later Sofia said: " You are no longer the past you, this world no longer the past world. You can grow stronger in this world as long as you train enough. Don't mix you past life with present one. Also I Never said anything about killing the strongest Dragon. Let alone that, do you even believe yourself what you are saying. I mean you know yourself Acnologia isn't Strongest Dragon, He just a dragon king. There many powerful dragon who can easily crash Acnologia. Just A advise, Remember No one is the strongest, It just that some people are stronger than other. As long as you remember that you will never be afraid of anything. As long as you are strong you can live your life as you want. And about love, Just be kind to people and don't hide yourself. You will realize that it doesn't take much time to grow close to people. There are different types of people in All those worlds that Exsist. In those people there will always have some good people who will not care what others think I you, They only care about what you truly are. Even if no one loves you it's all right after all it's not like everyone love each other. There will always some people who will hate something about someone else. So there no needed to worry about it."

" And About becoming strong, You don't needed to worry I will take care of it. I will train you in every way possible." When Sofia Said those she start hugging Jellal. Because of hug Jellal's face become red out of shame. Seeing this Sofia said: "You blush expression look so cute." After hearing this Jellal blushed even more. And That's how Jellal's hellish training began.

Sofia said Again: " let's make another promise if you can reach 5th stage of life Magic I will tell you a secret about myself."

Jellal just buried his face between Sofia's Breasts even though he has a hunch what might be the secret. But he let her play it as secret. And Start thinking why did he waste a chapter of his life with this drama. But he just let it go.

See you in next Chapter...

Thanks for Reading My Novel. I hope You Guys like it. If you don't like it I can do nothing about it. After all every person has their own choices. But if there is some kinds of advice then feel free to tell me. I will try my best to follow it.

In front of her house stood a crowd and looked inside her courtyard. As she came closer woman stood there and screamed and cried like she was completely insane. ''Give me my husband back! I want my husband back!''
Mina came closer and saw Elder Kang rushing towards her and shaking her head. ''Don't go inside. A woman came with the accusation that you stole her husband.''
''What? I don't even have family members, came just a day before when should I get myself even husband?'' Mina misunderstood the whole situation and blinked at the door innocently.
Actually more than half the village was there and heard her words and had to admit. She just came, when did she have time to bother other people's husband?. 
Mina had it all s she saw woman ripping her dress that she brought from home. ''Now is enough!'' Her voice became full and filled with resonance and authority. After all, she was indeed a young lady of the Nam family. But this kind of situation is indeed quite ridiculous. ''If you destroy that dress I will make you pay full price for it! It's my late mother dress and it made of first ice grade silk. You destroy it, no problem. I hope you and your family can pay for it. It has two-way embroidery on seems as well gold edges. Last time someone wanted yo buy it off it cost two hundred gold pieces, If you don't believe me, we can ask embroidery house in the city.''
Her confident look and calm voice made the woman freeze and trow the dress on a nearby chair. ''Dirty stuff...'' She was so shocked that she missed the chair and threw it straight into mud puddle.
The problem with ice silk is it should never be touched with water as it losses its ability and becomes wrinkled. It takes ages again to look silky and in this case was completely wasted as the beautiful silk was stained with yellow mud that was famously hard to get out clothes.
Mina came closer and pulled out the dress and slowly put aside. Then she picked up the nearby basket and put the dress inside. Afterwards, she looked at everyone on the door. ''You all are my witnesses. Elder Kang, I need you as a witness as well. I want to go to the city right now and report her for the destruction of private property and malicious offence. Now old woman...''
With a finger pointed at paling woman, she became loud. ''I just came to this village LAST NIGHT. From the other side of the country... I have witnesses for that. I have NO IDEA who your husband is and I do not care. If you just got noise I would just explain it to you calmly and you will have left your way and I could have lived calmly for a long time. But...!'' Mina inhaled deeply as she rose her head and looked at her with fiery eyes. ''After what happened now, let's hope your family has enough money.''
The woman shook and then started laughing. ''Even if that is ice silk, you... you might have stolen it from someone. Who knows your background.''
Mina shrugged. ''It is easy to find my background. I just chose to live far away from my family as we are in dispute. But they let me go without any problems. I chose to come here and live a calm life, but I still can prove the background of the dress. This is indeed a first-grade ice silk dress. Elder Kang, can you help m...''
She needed help and somehow she knew that Elder Kang would back her up. And she was right. ''Miss Baek, I have no idea who told you that this poor child is your husband's mistress, but she is telling truth. She really just came from another side of the country.''
Miss Baek could see everyone in the village nodding and turned her head towards pale-looking woman. Mina had simple clothes indeed, but even in its simplicity, it looked good on her. Her pale complexion, big brown eyes and long black hair with her white hands and long soft fingers showed that she truly said the truth. Even if she gained some colour on her face she still had beautiful complexion. Her heart thumped.
''You... you are not my husband's mistress?'' She carefully asked the young woman that calmly stood there. Why did she get that information?
Mina shook her head. ''I would never let myself become anyone mistress or concubine. That is the reason I left my family. They wanted to exchange me... no, they wanted to SELL me to an old man as his concubine. He had over fifty concubines already and he was over seventy. The moment I enter his household I would have been less than a servant. I was not willing and broke up with family, or better say they broke with me. So miss Baek tell me, why would I travel all the way here to get into worse trouble with someone like your husband. Am I willing? Never! If anyone tries to make me become a person like that I would kill myself without even blinking.''
Her eyes shone proudly and her face showed her true feelings. ''I have chosen to live my life alone. I do not wish anyone to get close to me. I would prefer to live comfortably alone that uncomfortably with someone who will turn me into a person like you. Sigh. Here. Take it with you as a reminder of your life. I will not sue you but don't ever come close to me. I hate people touching my stuff. Go...''
Miss Baek was completely flabbergasted as Mina stuffed the basket with the dress into her arms and pushed her forcefully our her garden. She turned around and saw Mina's tiered face as she bowed deeply.
''I am sorry about this. Please be my witnesses. I wish to be alone. Seriously. I promised my late mother never to get married after my father cheated on her and took all her wealth. He then brought a few dozen women to our house and made my mother die in anger. To live and die like her, I am not willing. Miss Baek, I respect you as you still have so much spirit. But next time you hear such a thing about your husband fist find out the real truth. I would like to ask all the villagers and Elders for forgiveness, but I think its time I clean the mess... again.'' With a sigh, she pointed at broken pots and bowls all over the courtyard and with deep bow slowly closed the door.
As villagers went back their home only Elder Kang and miss Baek stood in front of gate and stared at it with a serious expression. ''You did this child wrong. Go now. Tell your Baek family what you did.''
Miss Baek left and only Elder Kang was standing outside and knocked on the door. The door slowly opened and teary smeared face appeared in front of her. ''Child. Why did you give up? You could have gotten lots of money...'' That amount would be enough for her to live in such a place for the rest of her life comfortably.

Broken and repaired is now BROKEN AND REPAIRED :)
Mina got kicked out of the house and found new place to live. But, nothing is as it seems.
Neither are seemingly kind neighbors kind or rough people really bad. 
Working herself trough every step of her life she found herself finally being happy.
This is a story of loneliness, friendship and care. Please join me on this trip to new adventures.
By the way, English is not my native language, please forgive me for all the grammar mistakes

If you want, you can support me here:
https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=34498804

Part 3:
The verse from Ephesians 2 that appears at the beginning of this chapter tells us that we 
have been created to accomplish "good works." Why then does it seem that so often we are 
powerless to accomplish great things for God? I believe it is because there are several barri-
ers that keep us from experiencing God's power through the Holy Spirit.
I've heard that Seattle, Washington is a beautiful place to live. But I've also heard 
that Seattle's weather can be downright depressing. When the skies are clear, the weather is 
beautiful. However, fog is common and often dense and it rains 50 percent of the time. It's 
actually been recorded that 239 days of the year Seattle is covered by heavy clouds. There are 
physical barriers that are blocking out the effects of the sun. The sun is there, shining bright-
ly, but the fog and clouds are obscuring it.
I believe that Son Power is also obscured in our lives at times by things that present 
barriers to our seeing and experiencing that power. Think about it for a moment, what in 
your life keeps you from being empowered by the Holy Spirit? I've lived quite a bit of life and 
I believe most barriers fall under one of four categories: sin, reliance on self, head knowledge 
of God's Word that does not result in heart knowledge, and failure to surrender to God's will.
Sin
It is important to understand sin and to deal with it. The Bible tells us that God created 
humans perfect and in his image: "So God created human beings in his own image. In the 
image of God he created them; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27). God gave Adam and Eve meaningful work to do and told them the only thing they couldn't do was eat 
the fruit of one tree, but they decided to take matters into their own hands and, as a result, 
sin came into the world. You can read all this in Genesis 2 and 3; Adam and Eve's choice to 
do things their own way brought sin into our lives as well as their own.
Because of Adam and Eve, all of us have a sinful nature, and it affects every part of us. 
King Solomon wrote: "Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does 
what is right and never sins" (Ecclesiastes 7:20, NIV). And in the New Testament John said, 
"If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth" (1 
John 1:8).
Charles Spurgeon once said, "As the salt flavors every drop in the Atlantic, so does sin 
affect every atom of our nature. It is so sadly there, so abundantly there, that if you cannot 
detect it, you are deceived."
There is only one person in the history of the world who did not have a sin nature: Je-
sus Christ. He was the "holy, righteous one" (Acts 3:14) who "never sinned" (2 Corinthians 
5:21). This allowed Jesus to be sacrificed on the cross as our perfect substitute, "the sinless, 
spotless Lamb of God" (1 Peter 1:19). It is through Christ that we are born again and begin 
a new life in him: "Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is 
gone; a new life has begun!" (2 Corinthians 5:17). 
The whole idea of sin is very unpopular these days, even in some churches. The 
reason Jesus came into the world was to save us from our sins! Sin is alive and well and we 
must honestly own it and confess it. We cannot expect to experience God's power in our 
lives when we choose to sin because sin always short-cir-
cuits the work of the Holy Spirit. The prophet Isaiah said, 
"Listen! The Lord's arm is not too weak to save you, nor is 
his ear too deaf to hear you call. It's your sins that have cut 
you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away 
and will not listen anymore" (Isaiah 59:1–2).
Sin manifests itself in all kinds of ways in our lives; pride, envy, self-righteousness, 
the list goes on and on. The difficulty is in recognizing our sin and confessing it as such. It 
is important that we learn to detect the voice of the sinful nature. Those who are born again 
have this command: "Count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus" (Ro-
mans 6:11, NIV). The Holy Spirit takes up residence in each believer and supplies the power 
we need to overcome the pull of the sin nature within us. "Those who have been born into 
God's family do not make a practice of sinning, because God's life is in them" (1 John 3:9). 
Romans 6 tells us, "Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the require-
ments of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace" (v. 14).
We need to confess our sin to God so our relationship with him can be restored immediately. "If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to 
cleanse us from all wickedness" (1 John 1:9). 
It is through the confession of our sin that we are telling God that we want to have 
our relationship with him restored, and it is then that the Holy Spirit will empower us to do 
God's work. Be honest with yourself. Are you stuck in a painful past? God's healing is avail-
able to you! Are you stuck in a painful present? God's power is available to you! Get sin out 
of the way! Take time today to confess your sin to God and begin to experience the Holy 
Spirit's power in a new way. 
Reliance on Self
Years ago, I was in a group experience where we were challenged to have a three-minute 
conversation without anyone using the words "me, my, or I" … we couldn't do it! Unfortu-
nately, each one of us has an innate desire to think about ourselves. This self-centered think-
ing, the "big I," needs to be broken.
It takes Son Power to remove the control of self. This power becomes operative in our 
lives when we ask the Holy Spirit, by faith, to take control of how we think, feel, and act. 
 We must learn to trust in the power of God alone to empower us and deliver us. Dying 
to self is painful, but God has promised that he will manifest himself in us. In Proverbs we 
read these words, "For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord" (8:35).
If we are to find favor with God and experience the 
Son-powered life, we must die to self along the pathway of 
life: self-reliance, self-trust, self-sufficiency, independence. 
All qualities the world values and encourages. Jesus said:
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is plant-
ed in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new 
kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world 
will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for 
eternity."
 —John 12:24–25
In order for a grain of wheat to multiply it must die. Our time, talent, treasure, and 
desire must be given up totally to God to be used for his world and his glory. If we just 
spend it on pleasuring ourselves, then we are missing the best that God has for us. Only 
when we die to self will God be able to multiply all that we are and all that we have.
An important KingdomNomics principle is that as we progressively die to desiring the 
perishable values of this world, we will find the desire to invest in the imperishable values ofthe kingdom. God's priorities will become our priorities. We will also experience God's fa-
vor and his abundant life. I have found these two verses in the book of Psalms to be critical 
as I keep my eyes on God's will and not my own:
Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with 
a shield.
 —Psalm 5:12, NIV
For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no 
good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
 —Psalm 84:11, NIV
When we remove the barrier of self, God's favor is upon us and he protects and 
guides us.
Head Knowledge of God's Word that Does Not Result in Heart Knowledge
Many people make the mistake of thinking that knowledge is enough to experience the 
presence and power of God. However, such a belief will short-circuit the Son Power in our 
lives. We need to remember the Hebrews wandering in the wilderness who had knowledge, 
but no purpose. "For this good news … has been announced to us just as it was to them. 
But it did them no good because they didn't share the faith of those who listened to God" 
(Hebrews 4:2). 
Is the Word of God important to you? Are you spending time regularly reading it, 
memorizing it, and putting it into practice? In order to have Son Power operative in our 
lives, we must commit ourselves to the study of God's Word. Our knowledge must move 
from our head to our heart in the form of conviction that impacts our faith and behavior. 
Failure to do so will certainly make our lives barren and un-
productive. However, when we immerse ourselves in God's 
Word we position ourselves to hear God's voice.
We must hear the Word of God, we must accept the 
Word of God, and we must live the Word of God. It is only 
through this process that we will experience Son Power and 
become seeds that produce a hundredfold.
I have had many experiences in my life when God has revealed his will for my life 
through his Word. When I immerse myself in that Word, I find that God works in me and 
through me. Scripture is either true or it's not … it will either make a difference or it will 
not. What Scriptures are important to you? What you learn from God's Word about who
he is, about his will, about his character, and about how he works will greatly affect how you 
experience the Holy Spirit in your life. You must take all that you have learned from God's 
Word and apply it to your life circumstances.
Failure to Surrender to God's Will
Another barrier to the Son-powered life is a refusal to surrender to God's will. This is what is 
often referred to as being a "carnal" Christian, one who is still influenced a great deal by the 
world and its enticements. This principle comes from the King James version of 1 Corinthi-
ans 3:1: "And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even 
as unto babes in Christ." The NIV puts it this way, "Brothers and sisters, I could not address 
you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in 
Christ," and the New Living Translation says, "Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with 
you I couldn't talk to you as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as though you belonged 
to this world or as though you were infants in Christ." The bottom line, a carnal Christian 
is someone who has accepted the good news of Jesus Christ, but does not want to be trans-
formed by it.
To become a Son-powered person, it takes an affirma-
tive act of the will to choose to have the Holy Spirit control 
how we think, feel, and act. We shut off his power when we 
refuse to let him do so. It takes surrender of self.
Let's review Galatians 2:20: "My old self has been cru-
cified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives 
in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave 
himself for me" (emphasis added). 
In order to have Christ living in us we must allow Jesus Christ to take control of us. 
We must submit to him. Our life revolves around the Son. He lives in us. He is the source of 
the renewable Son-powered life. He must increase and we must decrease. The power of the 
Son is unlimited, and he can overcome the mountain of self in our lives when we allow him 
to do so.
Son Power at Work
1. At this point in your life, which barrier discussed in this chapter is the greatest 
 obstacle to your experiencing Son Power: sin, reliance on self, lack of commitment
 to obey God's Word, or failure to surrender to God's will?
2. What immediate steps can you take to remove that particular barrier from your life?
3. Take some time to reflect upon the sin in your life and then confess it to God, asking 
 him to forgive you and fill you anew with his Spirit.Scripture Meditation
"So now we can rejoice in our wonderful
new relationship with God
because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."
 (Romans 5:11)
Prayer
 Heavenly Father, thank you for the relationship I have with you because of 
the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I thank you that I have put my trust and faith in 
Jesus Christ alone for my salvation. Thank you for saving me from the folly of 
trusting in Me, Myself, and I. Thank you for my salvation and for empowering 
me to live life through the Holy Spirit.
 I confess that there are times when I attempt to live my life through my own 
power, in my own strength, by my own ingenuity. Forgive me. 
 Today I choose by faith to die to self, as painful as it is at times, so that 
your life can be lived through me. More than anything else, I want to find 
the life you have planned for me to experience your favor. Thank you for the 
promises in your Word. What a blessing for me to know you and to learn of 
your way! Amen.
Memorize and Meditate

Aunt Yue cleared her throat before she started to read the letter in a soft and melodious voice...

------------------------

Dear daughter,

When I write this letter, I suppose that I'm not by your side anymore. I send you away... not because I want to abandon you --- but because I want to protect you. Our Bei Yue's blood is quite strong and we have become the target of bad people. They took me as a prisoner because they want you... Someone whose veins are flowing with the pure blood of the Bei Yue royal family, just like your grandmother and father.

I ran away when it was time for me to give birth to you, so I can set you free once you are born... Don't worry about me! I'm alive somewhere... Don't search for me because they are lurking around me! I know they will use me as a bait to capture you and with that, they won't let me die.

Live for yourself and find your own happiness!

I love you. 

Remember your father and I --- we both love you. Don't ever think that we didn't want you!

Your mother,

Su Wan.

------------------------

'Su Wan... her mother's name is Su Wan. Such a beautiful name...' Yao Ling thought to herself. She felt elated when she heard that she was still alive. It was written a long time ago, but if she was used as a bait, then there was a possibility that she was indeed still alive.

When Aunt Yue finished reading the letter, both women started to cry once more. They could imagine what happened back then --- how Yao Ling's mother tried so hard to give birth to her all alone while being chased by the enemies. Yao Ling remembered that Jiu Lan had once said that she was sent away right after birth because she could see a hint of dry blood here and there. It seemed like the one who cleaned her up was in a hurry, but she was trying so hard to make her as clean as possible in a short time...

There was no hint of abuse, so the perpetrator should have done it tenderly. She made sure that the baby Yao Ling was bundled in a warm cloth so she could survive as long as possible. Jiu Lan had told her a few times that the perpetrator didn't really want to let her go, but Yao Ling was feeling doubtful about it. She only thought that Jiu Lan said that because she pitied her, but it didn't seem so now.

Now... Yao Ling understood the reason.

Her birth mother loved her and didn't want to be separated from her, but she had to let her go because she wanted her to live a happy life. If Yao Ling followed her mother, she would be imprisoned along with her mother and from the look of it, she would be used just like her grandmother. 

Yao Ling really wanted to cry when she understood her mother's predicament. It must have been the hardest choice that she had ever made in her life. Yao Ling could feel the warmth of her mother's love --- even before meeting her in person.

In a way, her birth mother and adopted mother both had lived a hard life... their lives were quite similar. Both made a difficult choice and live with it, despite the pain. She admired how strong both women were.

She shook her head and started to think clearly... At least, Yao Ling knew that her mother should be alive somewhere. Su Wan... Her name was Su Wan... Her mother. She engraved the name inside her heart and she resolutely wanted to find her --- no matter what the consequences were.

Aunt Yue couldn't believe what her daughter-in-law had gone through, she thought that she had successfully escaped back then. Thus, she surrendered herself to the Han Emperor. Was the one who captured her daughter-in-law was the Han Emperor? However, Little Qiu never said something about it, so she didn't think that it was possible. But who? Who was the culprit?

It seemed like things weren't as simple as she thought. Their enemies weren't only the Han Emperor. Aunt Yue massaged her aching forehead and she suddenly felt tired... she had been fighting for her whole life --- inside her clan, her family, and even in this foreign land. She wanted to escape to live happily, but instead, she got into another trouble and became a prisoner.

She looked at Yao Ling and sighed. It seemed like the burden would be placed on her in the future. Once she accepted the inheritance, her life wouldn't be as peaceful as before... Aunt Yue didn't know whether she should involve Yao Ling or not...

Yao Ling cleared her dry throat, trying to gain her grandmother's attention. She asked, "Grandma... why did my mother all alone? What about my father? Is he...?" Yao Ling couldn't bear to say the word 'dead', so she could only trail off at the last part.

Aunt Yue answered, "In a way, he was dead. But could also be said as not..."

Yao Ling looked at her grandmother and blinked confusedly. What was that supposed to mean? Dead yet not dead? Was there really a need to use a riddle at this point? 

Yao Ling could only try to guess and ask, "Is he in a coma?"

"No..." Aunt Yue shook her head.

Yao Ling, "..."

Yao Ling was speechless, she didn't know whether she should laugh or cry. What didn't her grandmother explain anything to her clearly as soon as possible? Instead, she chose to do it in a roundabout way. She could see that her grandmother had a weird quirk, but why did she have to apply it right at this moment?! If she wasn't her own grandmother, she might use her poison to quickly find the answer herself!

Yao Ling calmed herself down and asked in a soft voice, "Grandmother... Can you explain to me about it more?" She bit her lower lips in anxiety... when would her grandmother answer the questions?!

Aunt Yue actually wanted to answer her questions, but she was just too shocked about the sudden news that came from her daughter-in-law. If she was still alive, she would need Yao Ling's helps to save her own parents --- but, Yao Ling's father's life was a bit complicated at the moment!

Yao Ling's last question brought Aunt Yue back to reality. She didn't really hear what Yao Ling had just said, thus, she asked, "Sorry... Can you repeat the question once again?"

Yao Ling who was already feeling anxious could only repeat her question once again. "Can you tell me what actually happened to my father?"

Aunt Yue nodded her head despite her disarray heart. If she wanted Yao Ling to help, she needed to tell her everything. However, it would also make Yao Ling's life become a bit more complicated. She remembered how her daughter-in-law wanted Yao Ling to forget about her real identity and live a happy new life.

Telling Yao Ling everything... wouldn't it be against what Su Wan had wanted?

Aunt Yue sighed and she decided to let Yao Ling choose her own life. Whether she wanted to live a little bit complicated life or a simple life --- it was definitely up to her. Aunt Yue didn't want Yao Ling to be forced to live the life that she didn't want. She also wanted her granddaughter to live a happy life.

However, she was also a bit biased... she also cared about Yao Ling's parents. What if... with Yao Ling's presence, they would be able to find happiness once again? In a way, this was a gamble!

"Let me ask you a question first... After I know your answer, I can make a decision whether I should tell you the truth or not," Aunt Yue said.

"What question?" Yao Ling asked in confusion. She just wanted to know her parents' whereabouts ah~! Why was it so difficult?

"Do you still want to know your father's whereabouts even if you will be involved in a bigger conspiracy?" Aunt Yue asked.

When Yao Ling saved a handsome man, she never thought that there would be a day she would propose a marriage to him.

"Will you marry me?" One question and it sealed their fate together.

She needed his protection and she was his savior. There was only one problem, that man lost his memory. This convenience marriage might just be a ticking bomb, one that could explode and burnt in a second when he gained his memory.

Who exactly he is? What will happen when the man regains his memories? Whether it's a happily ever after or not, it depends on their love. Will love blossom? Only time will tell.

Hope you will enjoy this ancient contractual marriage! :)

_____________________________________


Taken from Chapter 17 :

Yao Ling squinted her eyes at him again, "Do you also look at other females like that?"

Yao Ying was dumbfounded. Where was the jealousy coming from? How come it changed from customers to females? He wanted to cry again. Woman… They could be a bit unreasonable.

"Of course not, Wife. I'm only looking at you."

"Really?"

"Really." Yao Ying answered firmly.

Before he dug himself another grave, Yao Ying decided to distract his little wife again. He used his final move. When a woman was being unreasonable, just shut her up and kissed her.

He hugged Yao Ling closer and kissed her until she forgot everything. That was how he saved himself that night.

_____________________________________

Join His Peasant Wife: Yao Ling Discord Channel: https://discord.gg/xY29wHb

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I am thankful for your support. This will surely keep my spirit high ^^

______________________________________

Current schedule: 7 Chapters/Week

Tag: Female Protagonist, Comedy, Hidden Gem, Romance, Contractual Marriage, History, Ancient, Handsome Male Lead

Cover by: yaoyueyi. Thank you very much! ^^

After taking a nap and sorting her thoughts, Sia decided to cook delicious dinner for everyone, she doesn't know if Arnav eats or not, but she still decided to cook his favorite food, previously she only knows about his insomnia, but now she knows about his all health problem, so she considers this while making food, while she is pregnant, she read books about food and nutrition, so now her knowledge in that area is somewhat good while making food, Chinu is also with her, he offer her help and she doesn't deny, the aunt who work in the kitchen is also there, she also help her so even though she makes so many dishes they made quickly, thankfully Udhav and Sanjay come early after they freshen up, they talk for some time, after morning incident Sanjay and Udhav also started to like Chinu, Udhav knows that his daughter really like this child, so it is better that he also accept him.
                Fortunately, Arnav also come in time, she told him to wash his hands and come to eat, Arnav knows that she must be waiting for him, so he also doesn't ask a question and sit down to eat, after eating in a harmonious environment, everyone is in good mood, After eating helpers started to clean the dining room, while Sia tells Chinu to watch TV, and she will take a walk with Uncle, Chinu also wanted to come, but Sanjay hold him and tell that they both will play video games, on which Chinu happily agreed, Udhav also return to his study, he knows that they must want to talk something personal, he just hopes it doesn't hurt his daughter by his bad communication skill.
"so what you wanted to talk with me?" Sia asks Arnav when they come to the garden.
"I think you know about my second identity because Aditya tell me that you recognize him and you even know Tony and I don't believe even though he threatens you he will tell  you his name"
"hmmm, Yes I know something about those drug dealer and about Uncle's death, but not everything"
"hmmm, so if you know please stay away from danger, you don't need to fight with that gang, if you tell me, I will do something"
"tell you?, Do you ever tell me anything, where you go, with whom you are or your problems,  You always think that I am good for nothing, an idiot"
"it is not like this Sia, and I never think about you like this"
"really"
"Yup"
"then why don't you tell me, I am your wife, this is my right to know about my husband's life"
"I don't want to burden you, and I always think you are somewhat immature, and also you are young we have 7-year difference between us, and you know 3 year makes one generation gap, so we have two generations gaps, I don't know how you react, maybe you tell me to stop getting involved, I don't know I just wanted to say I am sorry, I disappoint you"
"Yes you disappoint me, Sia said,
"Sorry, I can't protect you, I hope you will find someone...."Before he can complete his sentence Sia interrupted him,
"Do you ever really consider me your wife?, you disappoint me by not telling me anything, we give each other seven promises while our marriage, one promise is I will share my lifetime with you, that means we share both of sorrows and  happiness, that means even if you tell me and even if we have arguments on this topic, I still choose to be with you, we will suffer together, but you choose to suffer alone, and now you wanted me to find someone whom with I live a happy life, but with you, all the sadness is also worth it Arnav, You are the biggest Idiot, can't you see my love for you, Yes I am not the best person, but for you,  I wanted to become my best ever version, you are saying me to find a person who will make me happy, but it's you, our smile which makes me happy, where should I.I ..." Sia starts crying, she can't understand why Arnav never tries to talk with her, instead of avoiding chat, she knows he wanted to protect her but keeping things for himself, it let everyone misunderstood him, not expressing his feeling, not venting his anger make his body weak, why he doesn't speak up, why he doesn't trust her. If he tell her, their previous life might be not like that, Arnav hugs her, he also doesn't know how to express his apologies, he indeed at the start never consider her wife, but now, he decided to be honest with her.
"Sia, Don't cry, at the time of our marriage, I think you will get tired of me, I am not a person who is very romantic, I can't express my feeling like other people, I can't even spend time with you, so I think you will live me, that time, I also get attacked so I think I might not survive for even one year, I just don't want to raise your hope and then destroy it, I know you love me, I don't deserve your love, After my dad's death me and my mother both are broken, I don't want you to get overly attach with me, I also don't want to make you my weakness, those people are so cruel that they may use you to threaten me, and at last they use you and out child, I am so useless that I can't protect both, Your body damaged so much because of me, our child also...., so don't love me, I will never able to give you happiness"
" Are you sure you are going to die?" Sia asks him, this time she is really angry because of this person, he is never optimistic, and never tries to be in a relationship, then why she fights alone for this relationship which don't have future.
"...no, Arnav said hesitantly,
"if you tell me everything then isn't it possible that I will be more careful"
"Yes, Arnav said,
"so why don't you try and communicate with me, I understand that you lost uncle and it make you heartbroken, but because of this you decided that you can't live a good life, their are soldiers who are away from home, no one can gaurneeten their life, don't they have family or do you think they don't love their family, you are just making excuses, it's you who don't try to make things better, you are still in that pain, you never allowed your self to come out of your pain and try to be happy, let me guess you feel guilty to happy right, but do you think what you father want, if they see this Arnav who close his heart, who is so pessimistic, who think more abut death than life, will they happy, if you wanted a divorce, then ask without any excuse, if you wanted to spend your life with someone then even though their is no reason to be with them you still choose to live with them but if you don't want then you will find 100 reasons to live with, I am tired Aranv, and I realise that no matter how much I love you, You will never gonna love me back, let's take divorce, we are over" after saying this Sia push him and leave him in garden, previously she change her decision because she realise that Arnav might love her in her previous life, but now looking at situations she realise that this man never fight for her, he is coward, she really never think that they will end up like this, even after getting chance again, is her love really one sided.
             Arnav also froze after listening this, what she said isn't it true, he always thinks it is better if Sia stop loving him, he thinks that he doesn't have time for love, but is that true, can't he spare some hours for her, Sia even forgive him, but he still chooses to ignore this, he wanted to act like a good person but is he really good person, life is short and everyone is gonna died, yes his enemies are strong, but that mean is he gonna spend his life alone, he don't have answer he try to call Sia, but Sia choose to ignore her. He stand there for while, he think that Sia will come back but he see that their housekeeper come and give him his bag, he understand they wanted him to leave. so now Sia really stop loving him right?.

She loves someone so much that it suffocates him. 
 In her previous life she takes revenge from those who hurt her but in this process, she lost what is valuable for her, she does many mistakes, then why God give her new chance, she by no means a good person.
 But now if she gets the chance to change things for good, then she will surely protect those who love her and ignore the other. She avoids the mistakes she has done in her previous life. 
 This is the story of Sia & how she changed her previous life tragedy, and gain life.

Hi guys. In my last chapter I wrote about suicide. Suicide is not a joke and if you feel down or hurt. Don't do nothing tell someone because someone is always listening even if you think they're not. You are not alone in this world. So many people attempt suicide because of bullying or losing others but rather then dieing you should live. Because life is an amazing gift. Someone once told me no matter how hard things get there is always something to live for. It could be another person or maybe it's just to watch the sunrise. I live for a life for someone who couldn't live theirs. Your life and who you are is important no matter what anyone else says. Thank you for all your views.

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