章 324: 13
Christmas went.
Harry starts his Patronus training.
We…get to listen in, because Harry asked and Lupin agreed.
But only for one lesson though. Lupin's acutely aware of what it means for teachers to give students preferential treatment.
I don't think that's it…he's probably more worried about what kind of reputation Harry will get for associating with a werewolf after his (Lupin's) story becomes known.
Either way, Harry's first lesson started off on a pretty bad foot for two reasons. One: he's still more scared of me than a Dementor (albeit barely, so we had instances where the boggart showed either my head perched on a Dementor's nonexistent body or my body with the Dementor's hood) and two, the practice I made him do caused him to create bad habits, which had to be unlearned before the real training could begin.
Also: both configurations of me plus Dementor make me look like an emo douche. I'm at that age, I suppose.
Note the lack of denial.
Also also: I tried to learn to cast a proper Patronus (complete with real adult guidance!), but it was still ultimately unsuccessful.
Lupin's response: "While that is a shame given your penchant for spellwork, it's far from uncommon to have spells that you are simply not attuned to. Fortunately, your love for old spells will serve you just as well as the Patronus Charm, so don't feel down."
He did, however, delay us from leaving during the lesson (and he did it without getting Harry's suspicion, too).
When Lupin was certain he was not in danger of being overheard.
"Now, pardon me for saying this, Ash." Lupin has a very serious tone. "But I do believe you are being disingenuous about who you are."
Har har har. "Beg to differ, professor, but I am who I am."
Lupin nods with a slight, but kind, smile. "I think you are older than you appear to be, or at least have been put under considerable, constant duress."
Interesting. "How am I older than I look? I don't feel any different." I emphasize my point by tugging on my arms a little.
"It's because your inability to produce a Patronus is very similar to the plight of those who newly learn this spell well past their teenage years." Lupin says. "I assume you are familiar with muggle studies of the body?"
Ooh, now this I gotta hear. "A little bit."
Lupin nods. "It is my belief that the Patronus charm is easiest to learn during a person's teenage years due to what the muggles call 'hormones'."
…
Lupin is bemused at the expression on our face.
So basically a Patronus is a magical boner.
Where did you get that conclusion?
"That…" I rub my temples. "That makes sense. The teenage years are when the rapid development hugely affects the hormones or something, so I can imagine memories being sharper and easier to use like that…"
"Also, you carry yourself like an adult." Lupin adds. "Though you engage with peers normally, you have a tendency to stand back and guide them, without, dare I say it, the air of superiority usually reserved for prefects."
Wow. Sorry Perce. "I'm naturally introverted."
Lupin doesn't seem to know that term. "Intro…?"
"Basically, I don't mind interacting with people but when given the opportunity I'd rather be alone."
Disclaimer: not a psychiatrist, I just had internet access before I came here.
"I see…" Lupin smiles slightly. "Sounds familiar."
…I imagine he would have had a similar childhood experience by virtue of turning into a wolf every 28 days.
"Either way, if it makes it easier on you then by all means consider me an adult." I shrug.
Lupin nods. "At the very least, I hope you consider your actions and their consequences as the adult you seem to be."
I am making decisions with my adult rationale. "I'll keep that in mind, professor."
…though I guess it says a lot about how 'adult' I am, huh?
…
So. Moving right along.
…
Oh, before we do that. Minor tangent. You know the thing about the school psychic making a prediction about how the first person to stand up at the dinner's table will die? It will not show up as we refused to go to it. It still totally happened though.
…
Let's…go through it by event, rather than timeline, this time.
Is it because you forgot what happened when?
No. Definitely not. What could've possibly given you the idea?
…
[Hermione/Ron]
…
Seeing as Scabbers is already revealed to be a creepy little man who sleeps with a family's boys (seriously Peter you need to make better life choices) Crookshanks never did manage to damage their relationship.
It makes me wonder though. If Crookshanks just upped and murdered Scabbers one morning how would the books have changed?
Crookshanks would've saved the world, or something.
Anyways, given the point of conflict between the two no longer exists, their relationship is still polite.
Romantic intent?
Eh…I don't think so? Granted I haven't paid the two of them too much attention, but as far as I can tell Hermy considers Ron a friend and little beyond that.
Are we going to ship them?
…I like the Fred/Hermy ship better. I think I'll try to steer for that.
If only because having Fred die would be so much more tragic.
Erm.
Not saying we want him to die! My seven year plan exists to make sure Fred doesn't die. I think.
…
[The Trio/Us]
…
Why is this section here?
Just answer the question.
Uh…Hermy's cautious around us because we're a weird American. The fact that we occasionally do slip and call her "Hermy" aloud instead of just in our head doesn't make matters better.
The fact that our explanation every time amounts to "your name is long and hard" really doesn't make things easier…but we do get a small, confused smile out of her every now and then, so it's not a total loss.
Harry…well, we're guarding him, so we kind of have to be on good terms…I think the only reason we're still friends is because Harry's inherently a good guy, though.
Ron…he's friends with us by virtue of us being friends with Harry. I have nothing else to offer on this subject because wow have I been ignoring Ron.
Long story short: still tentatively friends.
…
[Harry's First Quidditch Game Post Midseason Upgrade]
…
That has to be the longest section title…meh.
As expected, Harry's innate skill plus his experience PLUS the cheat-o-broom means he stomps all over Ravenclaw and wins the game and the cup. Harry is…arguably not as good of a flier as he is in canon, because I'm blocking off sections of his time for combat practice, but it still worked out for the best.
In other news, Oliver hates us with a burning passion.
Yep.
Like in the book, Malfoy and his buddies showed up dressed like Dementors, and like the book Harry shot his Full Patronus at the group. Unlike the book I also got my shot in.
By hooking up our Prismatic Lens to the two car batteries and firing off what is possibly the strongest version of Lumos in the history of wizardkind (while adding in a Fus Ro Dah for dramatic effect). We silenced the entire stadium.
I fired it off safely into the sky, no worries. McGonagall docked 50 points from Slytherin and gave us (me and Harry) 5 apiece for the spellwork.
Harry's Full Patronus was a Stag the size of a full grown moose (and holy shit those things are huge). Harry's also starting to like Cho Chang.
I…on one hand I feel like I have a duty to ensure that this doesn't crash and burn, but on the other hand it's an easy adherence to canon, so…
…and I kind of want to watch Harry crash and burn, not gonna lie. Also I should start scouting around for a psychiatrist in the event that we are unable to save Cedric.
More also: since Sirius isn't the perp this time around the part where Neville misplaces the password to the room doesn't happen.
However, the castle did show signs of forced entry elsewhere. The main gate was dented (not badly) but it was enough to get the teachers worried…and I mean, really worried. When the gate was found there was no sign of actual entry into the castle, but the teachers treated it as if the apocalypse was coming down on us.
By making everyone sleep in the common room.
In a surprise twist McGonagall gave me secret (read: whispered) orders to defend Harry Potter "at all costs." I…I knew the school's a bit jumpy with the belief that Sirius's out to kill Harry, but the reaction surprised me.
So I asked around.
"The Hogwarts main gate is enchanted." Hermione had explained. "You can't force your way in. You-Know-Who himself wouldn't be able to force his way in."
I don't know how that works, but I assume it's magic and just frown and nod cautiously.
As we are wont to do.
Yes…though, to be truthful, this is largely to cover the fact that I felt the urge to pit the enhanced Prismatic Beam against the gate and see what comes out on top.
…
[Marauder's Map]
…
So the increased security comes to a head during the second Hogsmeade visit.
Incidentally, Neville did not get his visitation rights revoked this time as he did not have his password paper stolen.
Like the book, Harry sneaks out in his invisibility cloak with his buddies and Malfoy comes over for a fight.
Unlike the book, Hermy—who has a higher temper than normal due to me being me—was going to take literally none of Malfoy's shit towards Ron and before Harry could jump to his friend's defense, she silently stole the Bad Boy Trio's wands via summoning charm and then blasted the fuck out of them with a Prismatic Beam.
We heard all of that after the fact.
My first taste of the aftermath was when the trio came back. Harry and Ron were all grins and Hermy looked really angry with herself. She also got angrier at us when we asked her why she was so angry, so we spent the rest of the night being really confused.
Eventually Harry and Ron told us what happened and then we had our dumbass grin on our face while Hermy did her best to ignore us forever.
Next day, Snape took fifteen points from Hermione for "unnecessary violence" and demanded that she return the wands she stole from the Slytherins. Given that Hermione wasn't prone to keeping trophies in the first place, she had given the wands to McGonagall (who accepted with no small amounts of confusion) and thus didn't have them on hand.
McGonagall eventually returned the wands with, according to bystanders, one hell of a smirk. She also privately gave Hermione 50 points for exceptional spellwork and docked 5 from me for being 'a bad influence'.
We accepted all of that in stride, still too prideful of Hermione's graduation into using heavy artillery to care.
…
[Research]
…
Not much to be said about this little bit. We got a bit better at doing everything?
With…?
I had a lot of fun practicing with the Avis spell. At some point we roped Luna AND Hermy into helping us with the Avis spell. Luna gets points for learning the spell pretty much through watching.
Anyways, we got better with using our birds as homing projectiles. They can now trace and hit targets that are highly agile and are actually respectably fast, and can use basic flight maneuvers at will to better strike at their targets…having someone to practice with really speeds things up.
Between the two girls, Hermy's birds were easier to hit, despite her being able to make more of them and at higher qualities.
She was not pleased about that.
Hermione's birds were textbook golems: they were fast, tough, and amazingly agile. They also flew in straight lines and lazy, wide circles that made them incredibly easy to track and destroy. She was not amused when I made this point explicit.
Luna on the other hand…her golem birds may as well be powered by caffeine by how erratic their movement patterns are. This makes her golems fucking impossible to pin down and it felt a lot like trying to hit real birds. Their erratic movement also causes the golems to lose airspeed very rapidly and they'll actually stall though, so half the time they just stop moving and get slammed.
Hermione picked up on the whole 'evasive flying' idea fast enough, but her birds remain more predictable.
Good times were had, and now I'm pretty sure my Avis spell is now…well, I guess it's not as powerful as the constantly evolving Prismatic Beam, and it probably never will be, but it's one of the spells I'll end up using for a long time.
Just like the Sucker Punch and the Wind of Sleep.
Super Short Range: Sucker Punch.
Short Range: Wind Of Sleep.
Medium Range: Prismatic Beam.
Long Range/Trap: Modified Avis. I need a custom name for this one.
So we finally have a permanent replacer to the bit attacks we keep experimenting on.
Yeah. Much as I loved the bit attacks they turned out to be less efficient than Avis.
We've also started to experiment on what qualifies to be created by the Avis spell. For example: we tried to make cats using the bird making spell (a sacrilege of the highest order) and it didn't pan out (the dirt we were trying to manipulate remained dirt). We then tried to make cats that have wings, and it also didn't pan out.
We made chickens and ducks, and those worked fine (they couldn't lay eggs due to not being alive though). We also made Osprey and Emus, too, so at least the presence of the wing means nothing.
Fun fact: the size of the bird has a very small influence on how much magical power is needed to create said bird. The most power is expended on the quality of the end product...and the sustaining length of the golem, obviously.
So, with our extensive knowledge of useless trivia, we're wondering if it's possible to make creatures only tentatively considered 'birds', which means I'm in the market for a movie starring a Jeff Goldblum, an underpaid IT tech, and a clever girl.
It came out in 1993, so it should be available by the 4th book's summer break (1994).
Hopefully, but it doesn't matter because
IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR AND RIDDLE STOOD US UP
…
[3rd Book Endgame]
…
SO.
Obviously the canon endgame of the third book has gone to hell.
I had expected for there to be some kind of…I dunno, clear resolution to this Ghost Riddle business. I was wrong.
The fact that Riddle was a no show is probably…hell, it's definitely scarier than if he had showed up for the epic duel, because I'm relying on the fact that he is prideful to the point of suicidal to predict his movements, and by not going after us (after we've made it very clear that we don't care about his reputation) he's going against what I think he should be doing.
To add to that, we have heard literally nothing in the news about strange disappearances or unexplainable attacks, and the Dementors have been fairly well behaved after Christmas.
Uuuuugh.
We were so bummed that a homicidal maniac didn't try to kill us that we spent the end of the term being all mopey and shit.
Grr…well, wrap ups.
Lupin also lasted a year, though in this case he gave us (Harry mostly) a dodgy reason for leaving. Key difference from canon: Lupin never made his connection to Sirius explicit (and by extension Harry doesn't know about Sirius being Padfoot nor Lupin being Moony). His dodgy reason for leaving makes me think that he's getting an assignment from Dumbledore for some reason, though.
Why?
I dunno. I think Dumbledore's more apprehensive about there being a young Voldemort running around somewhere than I am by the sheer virtue of experience. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to him, so I have no idea.
…
I am really annoyed about not having to fight a psychotic murderer. Wow.
…
…
On the second to last day of the term, Ron catches us halfheartedly packing away our bags.
"You alright there, mate?" Ron asks cautiously.
"I'm fine." I reply automatically (still depressed about not being murdered). "What's up?"
"Um. You know the Quidditch world finals are this summer, right?"
…I…had forgotten. Kind of. "Yes…?"
"Well, if you don't have anything else to do for the summer, I figured you'd like to go with us." He trails off towards the end…
…aww, he's trying to be nice. I sound like an asshole for saying it that way, but I'm…impressed really isn't the word, but I am impressed.
"When is it?" I ask.
He's very obviously relieved for some reason. "August 25th, before the new term starts."
That gives me plenty of time…though I always remembered it as being early August rather than late. "Sure, I'll probably be back by then."
…
"Why were you so surprised Ron extended an invite?" Sirius asks when we're 'home' at Grimmauld Place, as it were. "The kid's not brain-dead."
Sirius took our advice to heart and studied on how to dress like a muggle. He showed up at the Hogwarts Express dressed in a well-tailored grey suit and shades.
He looked like…what's his face. Iron Man.
Robert Downey Jr.
Yeah, him. Just with long hair.
"I haven't paid him much attention, so the fact that he did something at all is surprising." I reply distractedly. "How's the house treating you?"
Sirius grins. "I have to admit, it's much better brightly lit. What are your plans for the summer? Or should we spend some father-son time?"
Eyeroll. "I'm going back to the states for a bit; I need to collect reference material."
"Material you can't find around here?" Sirius frowns. "Must be something special."
Actually I just don't feel like getting my footsteps traced by the ministry. "Hopefully. Feel like coming along?"
Sirius blinks in surprise. "What?"
"What are you gonna do for the summer, sulk in your house?" I grin…but it fades fast. "The Ministry's still sending Dementors everywhere looking for you. Staying in the country isn't what I'd consider a good idea."
"The ministry's still looking after the Floo Network. How do you plan to leave?" Sirius asks with a surprisingly naïve innocence.
So of course our response is a very confused "We buy a plane ticket and fly. How else?"
"Muggle transportation, of course...why am I not surprised?" Sirius sighs through a slowly spreading smile…the man has missed a lot of his life stuck in prison, it seems. "When do we leave?"
.
.
.
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