One Piece: Starting in God Valley as a Slave

LV 3

micheal_armonda

Despite the idea being great, The writing needs a lot of improvement grammar wise, especially the descriptive language that's being used. Big shots like Big mom, garling, Rocks or whoever shouldn't be stunned and shocked at every little action that happens, no matter how small it is. For dialogue I would recommend going back to one piece and analyzing how characters actually talk because as of right now they behave like OC's. This is by far the hardest part of writing one piece fanfics. On the otherside I do commend you for sticking to a consistent upload schedule and appreciate the use of correct punctuation for the most part. And I do have one small suggestion that might sound silly: I don't think the mc name 'carl' fits one piece at all. So maybe something like 'Carlos' might? Or maybe give him a nickname to not ruin immersion. Please don't be discouraged by my review and keep writing

LV 2

tambeerg

Really good story, at least the best of my fanfics. I like that it's not a canon time, the MC's unusual ethnicity, pretty quick development, he's become powerful, but it's grounded so it's not like it just fell out of the sky

LV 7

Melshan

HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM HAREM

LV 3

Butcher_

Good shit.........................................................................................................................................................................

LV 3

Sky_novel_lover

Need more chapters!

LV 13

orangegummy

I like mc devil fruit but this story feel like there little element of young master it will be great if u change something that are too chinese. 😁😁😁 this ff are great overall

LV 1

Lordzbot

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LV 2

DaoistCEJSmI

Primero para esta aventura. Depósito la fe con un granito de arena (y para motivarte a que sigas esta magnifica obra muy poco vista en estas paginas) muy buen comienzo, espero verla terminada. No te desmotives en el tema de personas porque vendrán a su debido tiempo. Nada más que decir nos vemos y ojala la obra llegue lejos. Ánimos 💪

LV 6

Trafford

This is probably the best One Piece fanfiction (non-crossover one) that I have ever read and that are out there. Everything from the world development to the powers of MC is well done. I especially like the fact that MC is a Celestial Dragon, and the story delves into the topic of the Celestial Dragons as well. The translation itself is superb.

LV 1

Gold_Manthea

I am enjoying this story quite a lot and o am looking forward to further development. Truly your OCs and use of story characters are great and they flow well together. I especially enjoy your depiction of Kuma.

LV 3

Kaguyume

The story is really good, the author is enthusiastic about continuing to update it

LV 3

LordAion

The story begins in a timeline before the start of the anime, which is quite common in One Piece fanfics. It's a little difficult to determine the MC's personality, the only objective he has so far is revenge on a certain person, in addition to some characters appearing to be very submissive towards the MC. So far (chapter 50+-) the novel is going well, but it needs to delve deeper into the protagonist and give a little more personality to the secondary characters.

LV 1

Rafael_Ferrer

Una gran novela por favor saca mas ajjadhajajdjajfbjsbdiebdu3bxudbcuhehejdbeudbdudh3hudebu3hksudidhddidhdjdudhdudhdijdidjdudhdidhdudhduhjsdudududududu

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LV 4

Derek_Lycan

So far, this is already one of the top 5 one piece fanfic I have read. story and character building is surprisingly great, it is very interesting. update rate is good too. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

LV 3

Ty_Chaos62

Enjoying the fic so far. MC has pretty good development and we get to see a different side to the one piece world.

LV 3

Tinieblas

Well, I stopped at chapter 50. The novel is really good, but I think I'll drop it. I don't like that the MC supports the Celestial Dragons and even considers killing Luffy. I thought the MC would oppose the Celestial Dragons for what they did to his friends or because of their general attitude. I even thought he would help Luffy later on or create the Revolutionary Army himself, but I was wrong.

LV 13

Britcio

Hasta el momento bastante entretenida con una gramática y traducción decente, es genial que tenga su toque de originalidad en el desarrollo de la historia con los antecedentes y el linaje del MC