Naruto The Untouchable (Completed)

LV 13

funmaxwell

hmm look I really really like your story's premise and I've often thought to myself just having dragon Ball Z's version of Ki and having all the knowledge of the techniques of one or two characters from the series would be overpowered in a lot of various settings and would make for an awesome si fanfic and your story's is premise somewhat close to that so I'm highly interested. but your story has some serious problems and it's hard to enjoy reading your story with these problems present in it and chief among them are grammar and dialogue issues. as there's pretty much grammar issues in every sentence of your story and the most common among them are extra words that don't need to be there or what you mean to say is there but the words are in the wrong order. and then there's phrasing and what do I mean by that it's just like you could have said it smoother or better. as a lot of the dialogue doesn't feel very natural and not like a computer unnatural more like the awkward Foreigner that can communicate his ideas but he says it like the most awkward way possible and it just makes character feel off in away I can't quite describe. I also can help think to myself is the magic pendant that increases gravity necessary? when the Naruto universe has fuinjutsu which you could probably use to replicate to the same effect. then there's a whole elephant in the room about him not being seen using dragon Ball z techniques at night or just before the sun rises or whatever. as most dragon Ball techniques are pretty much a light show and should be a beacon in the middle of the night to any civilians or Ninja who just happened to be on patrol at night and that's not even getting into the how they're super destructive. then there's the fact you give him ultra instinct in chapter 1. which made it feel completely unearned. which was kind of s***** thing to do.

LV 1

EvilBlueCrystal

It's clear that noone cares about consistency or logic, just throw random elements together and hope it sticks. Well, it doesn't! First off, the protagonist's abilities with Chakra are suddenly converted into Ki for dumb reason, But hold on, there's no Ki in this world! So why would it be converted from Chakra into Ki? The protagonist is left without any Chakra, rendering him incapable of using any jutsu. Good, You've successfully crippled the very foundation of the story. The protagonist is apparently all-powerful with zero explanation or backstory, and can deal with anything and anyone right from the start. And speaking of explanations, forget about getting any, The jutsu, physical training, and interactions between the team are all conveniently skipped. Coherent storytelling is not important when you can just jump from one random event to another without any rhyme or reason, The protagonist joins a team with no clear goal or purpose, to gain absolutely nothing from it, The other characters might as well be cardboard because their reactions and inner thoughts are completely ignored. The chapter 7 and 8, where The entire mission is skipped over, so that the protagonist can magically pull some super op skill out of thin air and save the day. The protagonist can use these overpowered techniques, But even the Hokage, who's a master of all jutsu, doesn't care. And just when you think it can't get any more dumb, the author introduces skills like 'rasengan kahehameha'. No training, no progression, no details, just the MC saving the day by stumbling upon one super op skill after another with incomplete explanations.

LV 4

MonkeyOfAle

Trying to rate this story accurately is impossible. The writing quality is just all over the place with so many grammar and coherence problems. It's hard to make sense of anything, which makes it impossible to properly evaluate other important aspects like the plot, characters, and world background. I can't even tell if there's a real story hiding in this jumbled mess. If I could, I would give the writing quality an even lower rating because, honestly, it's pretty bad.

LV 1

AdolfH

Pure and hard Plot Armor... Not to mention how the author's likes or dislikes towards certain characters lead to a very boring plot......................................

LV 10

joey_thomas

Okay from the title I thought this was going to be way different and I have to say I'm really disappointed also the main characters is too passive but the updating stability is ok writing quality is also ok overall I wouldn't read it

LV 3

Saksham_Chandel_7041

Awesome work and I don't know what to say about this because i am only typing extra words to complete 140 words limit haha haha haha haha haha

LV 4

Lizrock

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LV 5

DvD_007

the problem with this fanfic is that the author gave him op powers. this has made for the battles the mc has to be boring and uninteresting. and he knows how to write battle scenes, the fight with Naruto vs Sasuke was honestly pretty good, but with mc they always end up being boring. and on the latest chapters it has become worse, now all of the sudden he went from being on the fairy tail world to somehow go to fighting Luffy 5th gear. this story has the problem that ff with op characters have, authors don't know how to balance an op character with way weaker world. MC has dragon ball powers and we all know that even at the lowest they were already planet busters, even when the mc is nerfed he is still stronger than everything in naruto, fairy tail and one piece.

LV 14

Cuteness_preacher9

Honestly, it's an incredible premise and such amazing potential, but it becomes a self insert about the authors dreams extremely quick, so if u like that, read. If not, I'd avoid it.

LV 4

RemoteRomance

What the story says it is: Naruto world with Dragonball abilities What it actually is: Use the same 3 techniques for almost the entire story, swap universes a bunch, get nerfed to the point where your weaker then yamcha, no actual ki.

LV 13

Terminator123

garbage fanfiction.Story is all over the place.

LV 4

Lizrock

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LV 15

Tibbles

The grammer is terrible and the dialogue is honestly really incoherent at times. The premise and knowledge is there and it would be a good story if the author could at least enlist a editor who can understand English. Hopefully this story can improve in the future.

LV 4

Lackada1sical

Evaluation: Subpar.WQ: Multiple gramm errors which can be improved on. Monotonous dialogues/interaction & redundant thought process. 3/5SD: With a slow to average pace of development and it also lacks MC & story progression since author-san decided to follow cannon/plot which is lackluster. 2/5CD: MC is a transmigrator but his foreknowledge & adult mentality are lacking. MC is like a stupid Naruto with hero complex no kill rule which is the frustrating part as we all know what a NINJA world is. Lacks utilization of NarutoVerse foreknowledge & his earth/previous life experiences. 2/5US: Chapters are short, stability of update is up to speed compared to the quality of this FF. 3/5WB: There's nothing new as author-san decided that MC follows/observe cannon. 3/5Don't be discouraged by the reviews but take it as a challenge to do better. Kudos to author-san and well wishes! xD

LV 3

Saksham_Chandel_7041

Awesome work good story notso overpowered but still prettystrong ............................ if you give more chs regularly i give you more stones from thanos. So you know what to do[img=update]

LV 11

Akira_TheFallen

The first world (Naruto) had a pretty good history till the end, however, the remaining two got pretty much rushed and the interactions weren't as much deep as intended, like, the One Piece world ended without the MC returning to the crew, he didn't even send his goodbyes, even worse, he broke his promise to return to them and the Dragon Ball world l, although very rushed had a pretty good ending and it's understandable they didn't wanted to leave that world, but I still got disappointed that the MC didn't came back to the previous worlds to at least explain things, like, he just left his friends aside from previous worlds. Despite these flaws the fanfic was pretty much solid, it was great.

LV 3

Abniali_Anime

mc kuat tapi tidak pernah berusaha mengubah plot menandakan kurangnya kreativitas

LV 4

necromancer5h_1356

everything was well placed and I liked the story as it was not boring

LV 4

cavaliere_royale

it's good but hiruzen is alive.only for this i quit, sorry writer it's realy good but how can you let him live[img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap][img=faceslap]