章 36: Part XXXVI
The sun sets for the third time since Sean left my room and I haven't set eyes on him. Thrice a day, food appears in my room and without my notice, the empty plates disappears after a while. It was weird at first but then, I got used to it after the first two meals. Chips, nuts and chocolate bars came with the third meal and the smile that brought to my lips looked strange on my gaunt and stiff face.
I thought I had forgotten how to smile but who knew chocolate would do the trick.
Sighing, I close my eyes and rest my head on the pillow only to open them back up immediately I see Dylan's lifeless pale face with his mouth drooling blood. My insomnia's been getting real worse and I doubt I've had any real sleep for as long as I can remember and I wake up from each doze sweating and panting from the nightmares.
Lately, I've found myself laughing dryly for no reason, talking to myself and hallucinating. One second I could be on the bed and the next I find myself sitting on the ground in front of the door. I think I'm going crazy and it scares the fuck outta me. I'm tired of being all cooped up in a place with no one except my scary dreams and insane imaginations.
"Please Dylan," I say to myself and my eyes begin to water, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Dylan." The tears start to fall and i sob uncontrollably.
"I want to rest," I say in-between tears. "I want to sleep. I want to close my eyes peacefully Dylan please. Forgive me and let me be. Take my life if you want but don't do this to me. I'm tired. I'm drained. I want to sleep. I need to sleep."
"Remember," I say smiling, the salty tears filling my tongue, "how we used to sleep 2am in the middle of a movie and wake up 7am going haywire and getting you ready for work?" I laugh lightly at the memory. Those were the good times, times I thought would last forever. Times I thought would continue even after the 'vacation'. Such a turn of events, I sigh and chuckle lightly at thought.
He's now dead and I'm running psycho. Good thing we didn't have any kids yet. The tears keep flowing until I'm drained and feel myself dozing off to sleep slowly but sit up quickly slapping myself hard across the face and pinching my thighs. I can't have anymore nightmare, I'd definitely go gaga. But I need sleep. My eyes are too heavy. My head is foggy. My heart is aching. Death is final escape but sleep is a temporary one. If I can't die, at least let me sleep for a while. I want to be able to not think or remember.
"You look a mess Crystal." Sean startles the living day light out of me and I jump in my skin with a light scream.
"Woah," he says over my heart beating loudly in my ears. "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Well you did!" I say angrily at him.
"I'm sorry."
"Huh?" I say in annoyance and he looks at me confused. "You think you're just going to say you're sorry and it'll all end? Just like that? Or you think I'm going to forgive you because of some sick meals and clothes and a useless shelter?!!"
"I'm guessing it's no longer about me startling you unintentionally a second ago." He says still looking confused.
"No Sean," I continue without thinking, not even knowing why I'm lashing out. I thought I didn't have the strength. "It's not just about that. It's about you ruining my life. It's about you causing me extreme pain physically and emotionally. Because of you I can't have a single rest, I can't sleep without having horrible nightmares and I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy Sean and it's all because of you. You ruined my life!!" I yell at the top of my lungs, my eyes hot and red from the tears that never seem to stop flowing.
"Is that what you think?" He asks with hurt in his eyes but anger in his voice, "is that what you really think?"
"Isn't that what happened? Huh?!" I ask looking at him like he just grew a second head and he stands up, walks to window with both hands in his pockets and stares outside.
"It's much more complicated than that." He says calmly.
"Don't fucking give me that crap Sean. Don't you do it! Nothing's complicated. We had a plan. I would've gone to him peacefully if you hadn't interrupted and ruined everything."
"Gone to him peacefully?" He asks turning around to face me. "And then what?"
"What?" I ask confused at the question, angry I don't have the answer.
"Wasn't Jake alive when you got there?" He asks again, "Or did you think you'd go back and meet him 'peacefully' then y'all would leave without Jake's interference?"
"I'm sure h-he had a plan." I respond unsure, sitting back down on the bed from my kneeling position. I've never really thought about it this way before but I'm sure Dylan had a plan. When I got there, he was just standing by a table and he started urging me to leave before Jake came. Was that his plan? To run away from Jake?
"Like I said Crystal," Sean sighs, "it's much more complicated than you think."
"Then make me understand." I say defeated, "tell me what I don't know."
"There's alot you don't know and trust me when i say some knowledge are better not discovered. "But," he pauses and comes to sit on the bed with me. "I'd tell you a few if you pass your test today."
My eyes widen and my heart immediately start to beat loudly. I had totally forgotten about it. Fuck, it's today!
"Don't tell me you forgot." He asks surprised and I look away, trying to form my head around the fact that I might just die in a few hours, or minutes. It's already really dark outside.
"You look a mess," he says again, looking at me worried, "have you really not had any sleep?" My silence is enough answer for him and he immediately pulls me in for a hug, too fast I couldn't resist, too strong I can't pull away, too comforting I don't want to let go.
"Rest now." He whispers and pats my head softly that lays on his chest. A sudden calmness overwhelms me, my eyes close peacefully, and I feel myself drifting off to sleep. For the first time in forever, I'm at peace. Resting.
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