3Ulasan-ulasan
- Kualitas penulisan
- Stabilitas Pembaruan
- Pengembangan Cerita
- Desain Karakter
- Latar Belakang Dunia
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Okay so while this book has a really good plot, I feel the writing could use some work. The first part of chapter 1 feels a bit like an info dump - I'd recommend starting with the action scene (where Ayumi is being attacked), adding all your world building in between. Remember to show instead of tell. Also, while I get that chapter 2 is a continuation of chapter 1, half of it is just repeating scenes from chapter 1. Instead you should start where chapter 1 ended and move from there. As for dialogue, it's a bit weird how you've written it - Ayumi: "...". It would be better to do something like - Ayumi said, "...". This way you can add actions to dialogue and it makes for better story flow. Last thing would be grammar. You change tenses quite often - would recommend either using past or present tense (past tense is typically the better choice). Also be a little careful with your spelling. Otherwise you have a good story here. It has a great plot and a strong mc. If you work on it a little, you should have a great story.
Membuka SPOILER
This book has a decent theme. It's pure hearted voice and calm battles makes it a different story. The plot is interesting giving you the scent of peace to defend your thirst of revenge, this way can be better in getting back what you want. Anyway, the writing style is great and world setting is easy flowing. good book
Okay the book has an interesting plot but the writing needs to be fixed. the beginning of the first chapter just felt like an info dump maybe add suspence or action or mystery any thing of that nature to spice up the opening hook of your novel. good luck you have a good book.
Okay so while this book has a really good plot, I feel the writing could use some work. The first part of chapter 1 feels a bit like an info dump - I'd recommend starting with the action scene (where Ayumi is being attacked), adding all your world building in between. Remember to show instead of tell. Also, while I get that chapter 2 is a continuation of chapter 1, half of it is just repeating scenes from chapter 1. Instead you should start where chapter 1 ended and move from there. As for dialogue, it's a bit weird how you've written it - Ayumi: "...". It would be better to do something like - Ayumi said, "...". This way you can add actions to dialogue and it makes for better story flow. Last thing would be grammar. You change tenses quite often - would recommend either using past or present tense (past tense is typically the better choice). Also be a little careful with your spelling. Otherwise you have a good story here. It has a great plot and a strong mc. If you work on it a little, you should have a great story.
Membuka SPOILER This book has a decent theme. It's pure hearted voice and calm battles makes it a different story. The plot is interesting giving you the scent of peace to defend your thirst of revenge, this way can be better in getting back what you want. Anyway, the writing style is great and world setting is easy flowing. good book
Okay the book has an interesting plot but the writing needs to be fixed. the beginning of the first chapter just felt like an info dump maybe add suspence or action or mystery any thing of that nature to spice up the opening hook of your novel. good luck you have a good book.