Bab 79: Spirit of Autumn
"Alright, Cortana." I stated as I pulled Grunt's oversized bass guitar out of its near indestructible case in the trunk of the freshly upgraded Good Evening, "Get Blue-Two thawing out. I'll get her healed up."
"Understood, Jack." the AI stated and I began a funky riff.
Gaining the AI's trust had been a pain in the ass, but needs must when the fate of the galaxy is on the line. All the magic and biotic powers certainly helped on that front. We'd be getting the near dead Spartan combat operational before rousing the crew and exiting slipspace.
Though it was never touch and go bringing the clinically dead woman back to life, it was a tedious affair as I played the bass for hours, bathing her in the healing magic of Metal.
"Just chill out." I smirked as the big girl regained consciousness, "I haven't finished healing you, but we'll be done soon.
"Who are you?" the disoriented Spartan asked.
"Gatatog Jack Bearsbane Desilijic Tiure." I answered, "But calling me Jack will save us both time."
Fortunately, Linda wasn't the type to shoot the shit so we got her healed up and Cortana briefed her on the changes being made to Operation: Red Flag due to the Halo Ring on the other end of this slipspace jump. The Covenant would only need to capture a single human to activate the ring, so we'd be blowing it up. Hopefully after convincing Guilty Spark to start a crisis of faith in the Elites.
Still easier than wiping out a race of machine gods, so this would be a walk in the park.
"How exactly did you heal me?" Linda finally asked.
"Through the power of metal." I responded with the crazy truth.
God knows Grunt has dragged me around through enough crazy to pack an insane asylum.
"Riiiight." The pale redhead dragged the word to emphasize her disbelief.
"It makes a lot more sense when you have been to the places I've been and done what I've done." I told her, "Now let's get that gear patched up and sealed tight. Don't want the flood getting to you."
"The infectious microbial life forms capable of achieving a hivemind by converting enough biomatter and neurons into their disgusting form of life?" Linda requested clarification.
"Yeah." I nodded, "You catch on quick. You guys are going to be neck deep in truth pretty soon and it'll do you all some good not to be left slack jawed by it."
I'll admit the Mjolnir armor was way beyond my pay grade, but patching it, not so much. I hadn't spent so much time around Grunt during his various hardware phases to have come away without a thing or two to show for it.
"Alright, that will hold up unless you get blasted by some more overcharged plasma pistol rounds." I pursed my lips while finishing my inspection of the repairs, "I don't have my husband's gift for shield tech, so you are stuck with what you have."
"Your giant space lizard hellbeast husband is also a shield tech?" Linda shook her head.
"A fucking shielding savant." I bragged, "He even put some pretty ridiculous protection on the family car."
I indicated with a thumb to the chrome death machine hover car parked alongside a far less impressive Warthog.
The big man knew how to make a sick ride, that's for sure.
Cortana brought the full crew online and ready for the Covenant forces before exiting slipspace, giving her enough time to brief the skeptical crew of what was to come. The miraculously revived Linda went a long way to keeping the hostility towards me down. I got my first good look at the Master Chief.
Grunt talks this guy up as the ultimate protagonist, a one man army tearing through anyone and anything in his way to victory. It kinda makes me laugh considering the awe he has for the guy when he himself is a one man army tearing through anyone and anything in his way to victory.
Personally, I thought he'd be taller.
"Battle stations everyone," Captain Keyes ordered as we neared the exit of slip space, "We'll see for ourselves if the stowaway and AI are telling the truth."
"Just be ready to carry out the new set of objectives, Captain." Cortana urged.
It didn't take long for the Covies to start hammering us with their cannons and sending in Banshee fighters and boarding parties.
I couldn't wait.
I held my chrome plasma repeater over my shoulder and snapped out a Stasis wave on the first group of boarders I encountered with John and Linda. With a snap of my fingers the immobilized aliens caught fire in a rush of intense blue heat.
I could ignite any of my biotic powers with the flames of Ormagoden, but for some reason they always burned hotter when I snapped, Grunt sometimes muttered about my +1 to damage rolls for Roy Mustang Swag.
When the flames died down all that was left of the Elite and his Grunts were crispies they'd need to pull dental records to ID.
"What sorcery is this?" John demanded.
"Biotics, baby. Mixed with some demigod fire." I answered with a grin.
I'd always felt like a bit of a goddess with my biotic power, but being the direct issue of a Heavy Metal primordial creation deity was some next level shit. And I love it.
"Don't spend too much time worrying about it." I ordered, "We got unwelcome house guests to put the boot to."
Seeing John and Linda in action was a sight. Take away my biotics and Grunt's krogan durability and these two would have been a big threat to us prior to eating Grax. That is big money considering how impossibly fast and skilled we are. But what ifs don't matter, and after eating Grax we are the thorough top dogs in this verse.
I saw a black armored Elite go down to a head shot and sent a flaming Singularity at him to suck up the body and his team. Grunt vaguely remembered them being slightly important to the Covies but ultimately ineffectual.
Now they'd be effective charcoal.
I squeezed off a few rounds of my plasma weapon in honor of Grunt's efforts building them and was surprised by the satisfying sounds of a Star Wars heavy blaster. The golden balls of plasma also seemed to travel a little faster than the standard weapons used by the Covies and hit like a kicking mule, sending any unshielded targets flying.
I was a queen at the murder dinner table, absolutely bowing under the the weight of all my lethal options.
When it came time to evac the ship, Linda and I loaded up into The Good Evening and I activated its space flight capabilities and the Mouth of Metal and Hall of the Mountain King blasted through the sound system.
"Fuck yeah." I muttered as we accelerated into space and towards the Battle of Installation 04.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
JManM
JManM If you guessed that the surprise mentioned in the last author's note was that we'd be getting chapters narrated by Jack, Destroyer of Noobs, then you were right.
No gareentees I can hit the tone just right like I do with Grunt, but I will try my best to make her badass and unique in perspective.
The Bonus Chapter Stockpile has already started filling up thanks to SeekingRaven. If you want to see more multi chapter weekends you can contribute at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
Bab 80: What Grunt is Doing
"Ah. This is awkward." I commented while looking at Kat on the bridge of my ship.
"What's wrong, Grax?" she smirked, "I thought it was good for you."
"To be fair, I thought we were never going to see each other again." I spoke, "Maybe you'd die on Reach…"
"Well, I didn't." Kat grinned, "And the USNC has assigned me and Carter to make sure that you are actually raiding Covenant targets instead of just collecting paychecks."
"You know, they could have sent an Intelligence Officer, or some kind of super spy. It would have been cooler than sending my ex." I complained.
"I think this arrangement is just fine." Kat grinned.
"So we doing dinner?" I asked.
"We aren't savages." She answered.
"What exactly is this?" Kat asked while carving into the grilled meat on her plate.
"Loin." I answered after swallowing the food in my mouth.
"Of what?" She looked me in the eyes.
"Elite." I grinned and took another bite.
I almost choked when she took a bite of the white meat.
"No wonder they fight so hard." she commented, "Everything on their home world must have wanted to eat them if they taste this good."
"Have I ever told you, you are breathtaking?" I growled.
"You may have mentioned it in that nebulous time between us becoming lovers and you revealing that you have a spouse." she responded.
"Alright." I shook my head, "After dinner I am going to blow your mind."
"We aren't having sex again." Kat denied.
"No, we are playing some old video games." I stated.
The thing about the Haloverse, is that it is essentially the world I was born into, minus Halo. Which means they have copies of the Mass Effect games in their digital archives. Games that I included in the first payment of resources from the UNSC.
"I intended to play these with the wife after she gets back from saving the galaxy, so we don't say shit about this. I am serious, this is some ONI redacted shit no one knows about." I informed her then started up the remake of the remaster of Mass Effect 2.
"Thank God they made this section skippable for the remake." I muttered as we skipped most of ME2's overinflated intro.
"Oh my God." Kat complained, "How long are you going to spend on the character creator?"
"It's important that I get this right." I muttered.
"On a scale of one to ten?" Kat whined.
"This is my mom." I answered.
"Da fuck?" she looked at me askance.
"It will make way more sense in a couple of hours." I assured her.
"And there's me. The guy in the tank. This dickhead is my dad." I explained as we met Okeer in his lab.
"Bullshit."
"Just wait."
"Holy shit!" Kat gasped as game Grunt opened his eyes and pinned Space Momma to the wall of the Port Cargo Area.
"I totally didn't do this, cause I'm the Gruntiest Grunt to ever Grunt." I put space between me and this totally uncool showing.
"You were right." Kat shook her head and looked back between me and Grunt a few times. "My mind is blown."
"Cool." I nodded, "Let's bust my wife out of the clink next."
"So you and your wife are video game characters that somehow made it into the real world?" Kat asked after we got Jack off the Purgatory.
"Nah, but everyone is entertainment for someone." I answered, "I'm a video game character, my wife is a video game character, what do you think you are?"
"No!" she denied.
"It's a damn shame there is never any evidence in verse of the universe being a video game, or a tv show or movie franchise." I sighed, "It is an even worse shame that we can't spark up Halo: Reach and watch you absolutely suck at driving a Warthog."
"I am an incredible driver!" Kat defended herself.
"Sure." I nodded, "But game you has the same absolute shitty driving programming as all the other NPCs."
"I… this has to be bullshit." Kat denied while looking at the floor.
"It's best not to think about it or let it influence your perception of reality." I rubbed her upper back, "I do have one really good way to take your mind off it."
"Anything right now." Kat nodded her head.
"Awe fuck." Kat moaned as I had her back pinned to the wall and her legs wrapped around my hips, "Look what you do to me."
She glowed in absolute bliss as she ran a hand over the slight bulge in her incredibly toned lower belly.
"As hot as that is…" I 'grunted' as I put in hard work on my super soldier partner, "Going to have to fatten you up if that is happening."
"Keep grilling the elites like that and it won't take too long." She grinned and kissed my neck.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find chicks as hot as you who are also down with cannibalism?" I was barely holding on here as I worked my hips with machine-like precision.
"It's only cannibalism if we are equals." she moaned and I came so hard I damn near lost the legs out from under me.
"I love you." I told her as we cuddled on my huge bed.
"What's the wife going to think about that?" Kat teased.
"She is going to be blown away that we found another puzzle piece that fits with us." I said as I cupped her face.
"We'll see." she said before closing her eyes and going to sleep.
After getting back with Kat, I didn't waste any time proving that I am the King of Space Pirates. I had the nav data from all the ships I had taken, including the Long Night of Solace, and the memories of a Brute who had gone as far in the Covenant hierarchy as he could.
The galaxy was full of fat pigs feeding the Covenant war machine, and I am a damn fine butcher.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA
JManM
JManM
Just a short chapter that establishes what Grunt is up to while Jack is saving the day and him and Kat getting back together. I don't do flashbacks and that was something that wouldn't be handled well in Jack and Grunt chatching up when they reunite.
It will be Jack chapters till Halo 2, so be ready for some Lizard Daddy withdrawls.
You can support me and my family at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
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