This is a deep pain.
Bethesda really did us gamers a disservice when they chose not to include the Dragonborn screaming in agony as a dragon's fire breath quickly reduces his hp bar.
Despite my various protections, my raised shield, and the absorbing ward constantly being channeled, Alduin's fire breath was horrifyingly painful. His fire had pressure like a fast moving river, completely capable of putting a man on his ass. Fortunately I was able to mostly shield Jack with my body as she pumped us both with channeled healing spells.
When his attack ended I stumbled forward from leaning so hard against the physical weight of his dense flames.
How the fuck was Brienne supposed to beat this guy?
We'd endured one attack after charging out of temple when Alduin switched from trying turn the stone walls into an oven to trying to turn us into two piles of ash. Fortunately, the attack left the big black dragon huffing for air and looking very drained. In fact, it looked like the big guy was all tuckered out as he came into land and started moving towards us on all fours at a twitchy pace. I guess Sanguine's ritual must have hurt like the Cruitiatus curse in Harry Potter.
This fight looks like it's in the bag.
Jacked strafe left and I circled right with the dragon following me.
"Wuld Nah Kest!" the dragon bellowed.
Alduin went from a speed a normal man would have trouble outrunning to battering into me like a full sprint racing horse. Now mind you, this is not his puny game model, but the estate sized beast that the Daedric Princes didn't want a piece of. Even being lighter than his size would make you suspect the bastard weighed over a metric ton.
"Fuuuuccckkk!" I shouted at I flew threw the air and was hit by an explosive fireball on landing.
With my shield down I was fifty percent more receptive to fire damage. Searing, burning, charring fire damage.
Jack hit him with a javelin from her Staff of Magnus empowered bow, leaching away some of the great beast's magicka, but he continued his charge to come take a bite out of me. For his efforts he got a jawfull of Volungdrun, the hammer's stamina leaching ability felt like getting a second win full of fresh air.
When I came around for the back swing I heard him say 'Feim' and my attack ghosted right through his face.
"Su Grah Dun" he shouted before smacking me with a brutally fast wing strike.
Alduin lunged forward in a power strike and brought his wing down on my back causing me to damn near vomit. He ate another arrow from Jack that stuck in his craggy scales and reared back onto his legs and shot a fireball that she dodged using a biotic charge.
Using the window she bought me I got up and smashed my hammer into one of the joints of his knee as hard as I could. The ripple through his leg and the pained shriek told me I'd done good, son.
Alduin leapt back and flapped his wings while launching a quick fireball that I tanked using my shield and lunged forward after he landed to take a snap at me. I gave him a counter shot to the nose and another arrow landed in his side near his wing joint.
As he hissed in pain I rained a pair of strikes down on his head but had to pull the next one back and raise my shield when he launched another fireball at me. He dug his claw into the ground and swiped it at me, fling up the dirt and concealing the tail strike follow up.
Too bad for him I'd already seen this combo.
His attack clipped my shield as I ducked under it, rolling over me and allowing another leg shot with the Hammer of Might.
"Tied!" Alduin shrieked and used a brief slowing of time to adjust his head just enough to avoid having his eye struck by another of Jack's javelins that cut a furrow across his brow.
It didn't stop my hammer from whacking him in the leg again, tripping the big bastard.
I leapt over to his head and delivered a big two handed downswing, followed by another and another and another before clapping his face with a thunderous golf swing.
"Wuld Nah Kest." Alduin screamed and dragged his downed form across the courtyard of the temple, plowing into me and stopping my teeing off on his face.
"Jiid So Daan!" Alduin roared at the sky creating a shower of meteors that never seemed to strike his body.
One of the fireballs hit me, but didn't hit any harder than his lesser quick shots, barely causing my shield to shake. Another hit Jack and sent her to the ground, and Alduin closed the distance on her in an instant with another whirlwind sprint. He tried to take a bite out of her, but in a flash of almighty blue biotic power she unleashed a Flare right into his jaws, flinging her back and sending the dragon crashing into the ground in a daze.
In a leaping strike, I landed on the bastard's neck and began smashing Volendrung into his brain case over and over with everything I had.
"You! Done! Fucked! Up! Now!" I shouted as I bashed him.
Crack!
The snap of Alduin's left horn resounded throughout the courtyard and the big dragon rallied his wits enough to shriek in agony.
"Feim Zii Gron!" he shouted and became ethereal, slipping out from under me and taking to the sky.
"You will pay Outworlders!" Alduin screamed as he flew away, "You will pay for every ounce of pain and humiliation you have inflicted on me this day!"
"Come on back after you get your diaper changed!" I shouted back at him as loud as I could, "I'll be waiting!"
I picked up the large broken horn and walked over to Jack as she pushed herself up off the ground and dusted herself off.
"I usually don't like thinking about eating Jabba." she said, "But I'd do it again after walking away from that explosion. Goddamn that was powerful."
"Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back there, babe." I chuckled and she joined me as we both laughed after surviving that fight.
"How'd it feel getting run over by the dragon express? Twice!" she teased as we walked back up to the temple.
"Holy shit am I glad that dragon bone is so impact absorbent." I rubbed my chest in mock pain, "If that hit me naked you might have become a widow."
"Not for long, babe." she hugged me with one arm.
Neither of us would be making that final journey alone.
"Thanks for getting rid of the dragon." A woman greeted us from the shadows, "It was getting uncomfortably hot in here and I definitely didn't like my chances outside."
The Daughter of Coldharbor, Serana, appeared in the firelight. The woman's face had been made by someone with the tools and drive to create the ultimate vampire waifu. She had similar delicate eastern European features similar to Jack with a slimmer jaw, paler skin, and slightly fuller red lips. Without the dying ember eyes she would look like Jack's less hardcore sister.
After encountering her in real life, I now know for sure why she wouldn't marry the Dragonborn in the game. This woman was next level with her sexuality and would burn the horns off the poor boy's iron hat.
She took on the demon lord of hedonism with me as back up, and while she couldn't operate her legs afterwards, she was still alive which was a serious step up from the bandit girl we tried next.
Sexual pleasure induced brain explosion is a hell of a way to go.
"Normally I'd ask you to return my Elder Scroll." Serana purred, "Now I'd like to see my father try to come for it. But first I think there's another fire that needs putting out.
She dropped her red robe to reveal her soaking wet hairless slit and turned away with a sway of her wide hips that 'hypnotized' me.
God I love puns. And pussy.
Would have done this yesterday, but I got home from work and passed out till it was time for work again.
It wasn't even the most demanding work my job could require, just that I was years out of practice and out of shape to boot. But hey, at least I wanted to tone up, so there is a silver lining.
You can support me and my family at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
I slipped into bed after coming home late at night with Goldbrand now hung up on the wall with the other daedric artifacts we'd been collecting since kicking Alduin's sorry ass out of Markarth. The sword was a big surprise as I'd gone after the Ebony Mail without going through Boethiah's bullshit and she ended up trading me the armor for the sword after I killed her former champion.
Sliding between the sheets of our bed in the Vlindrel Hall, I wrapped a huge lizard arm around Jack and Serana - who had become our constant companion in recent months.
The vampire had been a tremendous addition to our relationship. She connected to Jack quite deeply with their shared suffering and she helped me tremendously with my magic development and enchanting.
Enchanting was, big shock inbound, nothing like the game portrayed it. It was laborious, tedious, esoteric, and oftentimes disappointing. Legendary successes like the Gauldur Amulet were far more important in this world as compared to the game, even more so considering the lack of an easily exploitable cross crafting system. Also, soul gems are more precious considering the inventory of your local court wizard doesn't automatically refill every couple of days. Serana made the most of each attempt with her inhuman patience.
Her ability to enchant our gear and buff us using alteration, restoration, and illusion magic lead us to making a group journey out to the Lord Stone after I secured the Ebony Blade in Whiterun. The magic absorption of the Atronach Stone activated indiscriminately, while the magic resistance from the Lord Stone only resisted hostile magic. The additional physical durability was nice too.
Overall, Serana proved to be a large benefit to us in combat rather than a liability. Very rare in this world and much appreciated. The fact that she got along so well with us made our move to a more permanent stay in Markarth more tolerable.
In fear of Alduin returning and us not being there to fight him, Jarl Igmund had declared us the Heroes of Markarth, made us Thanes, gave us a house on the upper level of the city (Vlindrel Hall), furnished it out of his own pocket, and opened the city's resources to us fully for our enjoyment and training purposes.
When ten beggars from the undercity died to empower the Ebony Blade, the Jarl looked the other way for those dastardly Forsworn reachmen. Hell, the man viewed our gathering of daedric artifacts of dread as us hunting down the damn demon worshipers that lured the dragon to his city. A story the worshipers of Dibella backed to the hilt for the promise of me back in them to the hilt.
Word play can be very sexy.
I am pretty sure that my cliffside home will one day become the Nirn version of the Hellmouth, but I am also sure that a team of plucky teens will be able to save the day. Skyrim's very own version of the Scooby Gang shouldn't have it any harder than Buffy and her team of highschoolers.
With that comforting thought I slept until a knock, knock, knocking sounded upon my dwarven metal door. I opened my door to the morning light and the sight of a scruffy looking traveler with a messenger bag.
"I've been looking for you. Got something I'm supposed to deliver - your hands only."
Holy shit, this is one of those creepy trackers that can follow you all over Skyrim to deliver you messages of minor importance.
The letter was from Kodlak indicating the end of Brienne's training under both the Greybeards and the Companions. The girl could now outshout the old monks and outfight most of the Circle. They wanted us to meet with them in Riverwood. Apparently Delphine had stolen the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller, interrupting Brienne's final test by the Greybeards before allowing her to ascend the mountain and meet with their leader.
The message told us to meet with them up at the Bleak Falls Barrow from where we would descend on the town as a team.
I looked up from the letter to ask the guy if he would like to become my personal manhunter, but the spook was already gone.
"Hey babe!" I called back into the house, "It's show time!"
"Fucking took them long enough!" She called back.
"I see that our time apart has borne more fruit than you thought it would." Kodlak greeted us at the entrance of the old nord burial ground, "Word has spread across all of Skyrim of your battle against the great black dragon, and since then the dragons haven't attacked even once."
"If they have pulled back it is to give Alduin enough time to recover, and to gain even more strength." I told them.
"I feel the same." the old warrior nodded, "It is good you have brought a new companion, the battles ahead will not be simple."
Serana now wore a suit of dragonscale armor, made using the finer scales of several dragons rather than the segmented plating used in the game, and a hooded cloak of dragon hide, all made from the dragons with a high innate fire resistance and enchanted to take that resistance even further.
"Do you think we are walking into some kind of ambush?" Brienne asked.
"Maybe." I told her, "Anyone who would go to this length to draw you out isn't to be trusted."
"That's why we were hoping Jack would go in Brienne's place to spring any traps." Kodlak said, "I doubt there is anything she couldn't fight her way out off, and she is far more attuned to skullduggery than the young Dragonborn."
"Oh, I can't see anyway this could go wrong." I grinned.
Two hours later Delphine shot up through the roof of the Sleeping Giant Inn, landing face first in the mud at our feet, while Jack came out of the front door whistling a tune and twirling the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller on her finger.
"Big waste of time." Jack commented as Brienne kept poking the downed breton with the butt of her spear.
"Is she dead?" the young nord asked.
"Who cares?'' I chuckled and lead the way back to High Hrothgar through the Helgen route.
"You are going to want this, Tater Tot." I said as we stared at the path up to the summit of the Throat of the World and handed her a golden Elder Scroll.
"Did you just hand me an Elder Scroll?" The startled Dragonborn jumped at the sight of the scroll I took out of a traveling tube.
"Yep." I replied, "Take it knowing I saved you a bunch of wasted time through the power of sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll."
"Thanks? I think." Brienne's eye twitched as she thanked me, "I don't think I understand why I need an Elder Scroll."
"When the time comes, you will understand." I told her like all the great vague asshats that came before me, "Then you're going to be like, 'Woah! How did Grunt know I was going to need this specific Elder Scroll?'"
The eye twitch intensified.
"My answer to that is, 'Fuck you, I know shit.'" I grinned at her.
"Well tell Future Grunt, 'Fuck you too!" and 'Thanks.'" Brienne responded as she strapped the Elder Scroll to her back and turned to climb the highest peak in Tamriel.
"Well here I go. Up the mountain to meet with a creepy old hermit. Alone." she mumbled.
"You're going to do great, kid." I assured her and pushed her onto the path, "Alone. Without help. All by yourself. On the most dangerous climb in the world. EZPZ."
Her look of betrayed horror would fuel a good chuckle or two for me in the future.
You can support me and my family at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
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