I laughed as I stabbed a Blue Suns turian with my bayonet over and over.
"Not combat oriented!" I barked out, "Legwork already done!"
"Who could have predicted that the slaver scumbag running this prison would betray us?" Garrus chuckled as he reloaded his rifle.
"Just keep yucking it up." Shepard grumbled, "You two should start a traveling comedy show. You're so funny."
Warden Kuril made a big mistake when he tried to capture Lord Death of Murder Mountain. We'd ripped and teared our way through this place almost as fast as a Doom Slayer through a hell horde despite the limit of only bringing three people aboard the station. I had yet to drop shields as I constantly pressed forward glowing orange from my holographic tech armor. Shepard and Garrus walked behind me in the garden of my turbulence.
"Let's just get Jack out of cryo and get off this damn station." Shepard gruffed while she worked the console to free Jack.
"Gonna release all the prisoners at once." Garrus commented as she hacked her way through the security.
"Good." I grinned under my helmet.
I'll admit the slow and elaborate release of Jack into the open was pretty neat, and I could feel Rick Sanchez making fun of me for enjoying it. Too bad I now lacked the finger required to hold up the peace between worlds sign for him.
The ultimate human biotic made her entrance in a fury of flashing blue mass effect bending power as she tore down a trio of YMIR mechs unarmed.
"A thousand credits says she never spikes this high again." I threw out there.
"Fool's bet." Garrus declined, "She is riding high on adrenaline and panic after getting taken off ice. Still damn impressive even if she is only half as powerful in normal circumstances."
"We have to follow her." Shepard ordered the squad as she headed for the door, "We can't afford her killing herself by biting off more than she can chew."
"Looks like she can chew a lot." I commented as we followed in the wake of her destruction.
The station VI kept us updated on the deaths of thousands of prisoners as sections of the space prison tore open and depressurized. Warden Kuril tried to get some semblance of order going on the intercom, but he was out of his mind thinking he could put down a prison riot and our mission at once. Hell, we could have fought our way out of here without the riot.
Then I saw the riot.
The game did not prepare me for the wonderland of hundreds of psychotic criminals trying to overpower the Blue Suns guards. The YMIR mech at the end of the room was turning them into hamburger meat and they still kept coming forward, picking up the guns dropped by their dead comrades like a line of Russians in WW2.
The Commander and I took pot shots at the mech with our disruptor mutated sniper rifles while Garrus gunned down anyone stupid enough to come at us. The big mech was so busy laying machine gun fire down on the rapidly decreasing inmate population it never got the chance to fight back against us.
Clearing this area was simultaneously easier and far nastier than it had been in the game. We didn't have near as intense a fight, but I had to thank God for the improvements to footwear traction made in the hundred and sixty years between my death and rebirth. The blood in the room was up to my ankles, and if I had to navigate this space tomb in my sandals I'd end up taking a dip in the drink. My human upbringing was repulsed by the gore, but my lizard brain just made me hungry. That was a lot of red meat we were trekking through.
My salivating tongue didn't stop me from nabbing a quick 1,500 credits from a dead merc with an unlocked chit while Shepard cracked a wall safe for even more.
We opened the door leaving the slaughter house behind only to jump right into a charnel house as Warden Kuril himself gunned down some convicts with a precision hosing of high velocity slugs from his M-76 Revenant. One handed.
The man had obviously paid for all the bells and whistles as the gun vastly outperformed the one Shepard would pick up on the collector ship, and the less said about the hot garbage she would find in ME3 the better. Few guns could make me feel envious while I carry my custom M-300 Claymore. Kuril's gun was one of them. I'd soon be fixing that.
Unfortunately for us. The shield towers in the room didn't put up an impenetrable barrier between him and us for us to take down while dealing with his men before the boss fight. Instead they operated as massive shield pylons with an IFF that only supplied over-shields to the mercs. Kuril supported his men with suppressing fire that even I couldn't just face tank. The towers also took more punishment than they did in the game. No quick overload to get rid of them.
For the first time in my resurrected life I felt real danger. Kuril kept his boys from fighting like complete amateurs and his own contribution kept our heads down almost as effectively as the combined work of his twenty man squad. It felt glorious.
I chocked that up to lizard brain.
We swiftly figured out that the towers shielded themselves and each other, so we dropped three overloads in rapid succession on one and blasted it with everything we had before dropping back into cover. We destroyed the first one, but Kuril started holding back his own fire until he saw us going for it again. Because of this it ended up taking us way longer to drop the last towers, but eventually we did, and the Blue Suns went from damn near invulnerable to very vulnerable. It heralded the turning point of the battle and eventually only the warden himself remained, his heavy personal shields and armor keeping him in the fight.
I charged the man as he failed to bring me down with a stream of fire from his gun, slamming the turian into the wall and striking him with a windmill of lefts and rights to keep him there. The wily bastard ignited an omni-blade on his right hand, something that had fallen out of use prior to the swarms of husks in ME3, and tried to sink it into me. Even in the grips of the blood rage I saw it coming and caught his wrist in the steel vice of my grip, forcing the razor sharp glowing hot blade against the metal wall of the station. From there it was just headbutts and punches till his shields broke as the turian struggled feebly against my massive strength.
As soon as his shields broke I lit up my own omni-blade and showed him exactly why you always wear a helmet in combat. All that impressive armor he wore to keep himself safe, and he left his head exposed. Better luck in your next life, chump.
I didn't have the time to hack the guy's likely loaded credit chit as the Purgatory Space Station exploded around us, so I grabbed his expensive gun and led the charge back to our ship where we found Jack having a freak out about the Cerberus logo on it. Shepard shot a batarian charging the distracted woman who apparently didn't know enough about combat to turn on his shield generator. Kuril had my respect for leading these morons as effectively as he did.
"What the hell do you want?" the near topless tattooed woman growled.
"You're in a bad situation. We're here to get you out of it." Shepard answered.
"Shit, you sound like a pussy." Jack countered.
I stopped them right there by walking forward.
"I got this, Space Momma." I renegade interrupted, "I speak prison bitch."
"The fuck you just say!" Jack shouted while flaring her eyes at me. Pretty hot.
"I like you. I want you. I am going to have you. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. The choice is yours, but the answer is yes." I quoted the scariest mother fucker ever to grace the Kentucky prison system.
"Fuck you!" Jack answered while she swung a glowing blue punch that took a solid chink of my shields down.
Too bad for her she was in arm's reach and I had her up and over my shoulder faster than she could react, a firm grasp on that delicious booty.
"Let's go!" I shouted as she put up token resistance, the power dynamic established, "Don't worry, we aren't a Cerberus team." I explained to the psychotic biotic, "They just crew our ship and pay us to fight humanity's war against the collectors. They'll be paying you too, but if you don't want that dirty Cerberus money your new Lizard Daddy is happy to take it for you."
As we pulled into the air lock of the Normandy, Jack looked at the Commander and said something that would make me smile even years later.
"You gonna watch while your pet Krogan rails me, or are you getting in on this too?"
"Grunt, isn't going to be railing you." Shepard denied while the airlock opened to let us back onto the ship, "Non-consensual sexual activity will not be tolerated on my ship."
"Whatever girl scout," Jack flippantly insulted one of the most badass women in space while I carried her to the elevator, "I'm off to get fucked like a real woman."
I am pretty sure I heard Joker snap a vertebrae doing a spit take.
Double release this weekend. This is actually the first weekend since I started this story that I didn't have any of my in-laws staying with me. We can expect to see two or three chapters a week from here on.
As always I won't be writing explicit sex scenes unless something transformative is occuring during the scene. Since this isn't a Chinese Fantasy novel, no one is getting super powers by screwing.
Despite not writing smut, I never shy away from writing sexually active characters. If you want gynophobic protagonists you can always turn on some anime. I think that is still a thing. I haven't watched any anime in years. Let me know if that is still a thing or if the people of Japan have ascended to Chad status while I wasn't looking.
"If you keep pounding post op pussy like this, people are going to start thinking you're some kind of professional." my aging mercenary pal said while I manned the grill making us breakfast, "But I am old enough to know better. Do you know what the hell you've done, you damn fool?"
"I am pretty sure we are on the same wavelength, but why don't you tell me anyways." I snarked back at him.
"You've thoroughly hooked up with a crazy person." Zaeed rasped out, "I'm not some teen on the net telling everyone not to stick it in crazy. I am a man who has looked crazy right in the eyes, made kinky love to it, and got stabbed the moment my gaze turned away. Where's Jack, kid?"
"She fucked off to go be creepy in the dark after we finished up." I answered him.
"Goddamn it, kid!" Zaeed hit the table, "You fucked a psycho who can rip people apart with her mind! Take this seriously before you get us all killed."
I sighed heavily, "I am fully aware of how sideways this could go, but look." I held out an empty hand, "Look how many fucks I give."
"Yeah, well if you die I have to get my food from Mess Sergeant Cockskin." Zaeed deadpanned, "That's like a whole two decks up from here."
That would suck, especially since we were on our way to the Citadel and Zaeed and I were going splitsies on an expanded pantry. The steak and eggs were getting old fast. Not that I'd stop eating them, not with the gains I was making, but I'd like to break up the monotony with a side of fruit. I'd done my research. The galaxy produced a wide variety of juicy melons and I dedicated myself to eating them all.
"Heard you pussy's talking about me." Jack said as she materialized from the shadows like a creepy vamp kid.
"Did you hear the part about when you fucked a kid?" Zaeed grinned while he threw me under the bus.
"Not cool bro!" I complained while Jack yelled out, 'The fuck you just say?'
"Did Grunty not tell you he is only a few weeks old?" Zaeed coyly asked like an asshat.
"We agreed not to talk about that in front of chicks." I pointed my disappointment at my homie.
"Is he being serious right now?" Jack looked at me confused.
"Shepard flushed him from the birthing tank on this very ship." Zaeed laughed, "Right over there." He pointed up to the Port Cargo Area.
"Are you two fucking with me?" Jack looked between us like she was 80% to a mob psycho freak out.
"No." I grunted, "And Zaeed wasn't supposed to tell ladies that I'm 21 days not years old. Jackass."
"This is so fucked up." Jack said like she'd given up on the world.
"Just don't think about it." I advised.
"How the fuck am I not supposed to think about being a kiddie fucker?" She cried out with her hands in the air like she wanted a sign from the heavens.
"I was grown and educated in a lab, so its not really kiddie fucking." I consoled her.
"Do you know how to identify a krogan juvenile?" Zaeed asked with a shit eating grin.
"Oh fuck you!" I yelled, missing my middle fingers something fierce.
Jack just looked at me with dead fish eyes.
"You see the way the armored plates haven't fused into solid pieces." Zaeed laughed as he pointed, "That's how."
I slammed two metal plates down full of steak and eggs for them.
"You are on thin ice, old man." I growled.
I came back with four pounds of red meat and five dozen fried eggs for myself. We ate in silence.
Our trip to the Citadel saw us splitting up right out of the gate. The Commander and the Cerberus goon squad went to recruit Kasumi Goto and get Shepard reinstated as a Specter while Zaeed, Garrus, and I went out to get food. Jack stayed on the ship, hanging out in the dark. Garrus got me registered with C-Sec and turned me loose on an unsuspecting space station as he needed to stock up on supplies conducive to amino dextro survival.
I was honestly stunned by the scope of the Citadel, the games did a poor job of conveying the gravity of a station that houses 13.2 million people. The central ring is 7.2 kilometers wide and the arms are 43.6 kilometers long. The station is enormous and filled to the brim with clashing culture. The glowing signs of businesses competed with the flash of VI's and the constantly running advertisements. The place was an epileptic killzone.
Fortunately, Zaeed managed to guide my slack jawed ass to where we needed to go and even conducted our business while I stood around in full tourist mode. As we made our way back to the Normandy I stopped outside a small clothing store.
A clothing store owned by a krogan, that served krogan.
If I was some wish SI jackass, one of my wishes would have been this store. A one stop shop for tank tops, shorts, and sandals. I loaded up on everything and stopped in front of the selection of underwear.
"These." the owner handed me a pack of briefs with a small grin on his face, "Your quad will thank me later."
I stocked up on those.
"You got good skin, kid." The guy told me and continued before it could get weird, "Go visit my brother down the way, he'll hook you up with every thing you need to keep from looking like a dried out scrotum."
Settling up hurt me inside, but I knew I wouldn't be finding another supplier of clothing that both fit me and didn't feel like a single tug would tear it to pieces. The proprietor pushed a good product, and I followed his advice and found his brother's shop.
"Good, good!" Called out the krogan who ran this joint, "Finally someone comes to me young enough to save his good looks. Too few of us take care of ourselves before it is too late! Come, come. I will make you silky smooth!"
What happened next was a master class in krogan hygiene, skin, and shell care. Okeer should have got this guy to help make his education program, because the man was fount of knowledge. We talked about everything from preventing the natural browning of my skin (young krogan have much more colorful skin than their older counterparts including yellow and green stripes) to applying shell wax with power tools. It made me laugh that even the more feminine side of being a krogan was still hardcore.
I left that shop with a handshake, a new delivery for the Normandy, and a pissed off merc.
"Sometimes I feel proud of you, like a father for a son." Zaeed scowled at me, "This is not one of those times."
Commander Shepard entered the Port Cargo Area to find me face down naked while a combat drone worked my lower back with an angle grinder sporting a polishing wheel. It felt incredible.
"I need you to suit up Grunt." She ordered while keeping her eyes on my face, "We are near a colony being hit by the collectors and Mordin's countermeasure for the seeker swarms is ready."
"Good." I barked, "Time to show those insectoid freaks who's the boss, but you could have told me that on the intercom. What's up?"
"Are you and Jack going to be a problem in the field?" She asked professionally about our very unprofessional relationship.
"We're solid." I denied all possibility of dysfunction, "Zaeed dropped a bomb on her, but we kissed and made up."
"That's good, Grunt." Shepard just shook her head in amusement, "You two will be backing Garrus as Beta Team when we move against the collectors with Zaeed. We need everything to be operating at 100% for this mission. Every crack we get at the collectors needs to hurt."
"We'll bring the pain." I nodded.
Horizon, our first beef with the collectors. I couldn't wait.
Both my wife and my brother wanted more action. So I did an entire slice of life chapter to show them I will not cooperate with anyone.
Just kidding.
The pattern of one interstial chapeter between missions isn't going to change, so I got this chapter out early so we can get right to the violence with our normal Friday release. Horizon is a fairly girthy mission, so it might take two chapters to get through it, but they will both drop this weekend.
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