MELBA - Profile

The story is good definitely not the best I've seen for a twilight fic but definitely good. There are a couple problems though. 1. The Author keeps putting AN notes in between each paragraph all the way up to at least chapter 30 because that's how far I am. Now as a reader this really breaks my immersion, and it's really hard to put my self in a characters shoes when there's an author in between the paragraphs trying to give emotional support through a screen. 2. Too much drama. This isnt me hating or anything, there is a moment in this book that could've, specifically because of her power, ended if she had said one word ..."stop". I get that horrible shit happens to people and not everyone had the power to stop it, but she had the power a power she didn't use. I understand having your character experience trauma is important for plot. It's not really the situation that bothered it was the execution. If it had been vampires instead of humans that had attacked her it would make much more sense for her to not come out unscathed, but a bunch of humans, a thousand times weaker than her even as child somehow overpowering her? Impossible. Anyway I'm done with my rant. Enjoy reading if you still want to.