29Critiques
4.52
- Qualité de l’écriture
- Stabilité des mises à jour
- Développement de l’histoire
- Conception des personnages
- Contexte du monde
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It was good. But could be better. Just have one single problem .. ...not enough chapters .
I particularly liked the story, of course it still has a lot of room to evolve. has it been a while since the last chapter, did the author give up on the work?
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore
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God what a great chapter!!!!!! It was a lot of fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 You killed it!!!!!!!!
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This novel is really great!!! I love how you didn’t choose one of the main houses to start your character off in, or make him the eldest. It gives him a challenge. 😁 I also like how you’re keeping the main plot the same, so at least in the beginning it will be similar to the real one. So just keep doing what your doing! 👍👍👍 Hope you update more though 😁
Not really good. The English is terrible and there is no logic in the writing. The Stability of Updates is good, but just that, good. Story Development is alright, though yet again, thee is no logic. Character design don't get me started. a seven year old looking 15?! What are you thinking!? at best he should look ten. World Background makes me want to puke. you made a story that is vibrant with Background suck. I suggest learning English until you are on par with a native speaker, I am southern so I have to type like a Northerner to typically be legible. Try it like that. I also suggest reading LOTS of books. I was total trash before reading alot. Don't go in without practicing. Another piece of advice is to reread your works before publishing. I have a hard time remembering to do it, but my best chapters are when I rewrite what I got wrong. I also suggest Grammarly, it can help a lot with that. I'm using it right now! I hope that you pause and redo most of the story, it needs it.
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore
Update Update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is shit. Not the most favorable word but it is. Why? For one, most things are still the same. Seriously, you could sum it all up in a backstory telling his background, connections and the changes he made in history in one chapter. Who here likes to read almost everything we already know? Not me. And raising flags? Only to be cuckold by giving it up, for plot? You could've saved the mother of Robert's bastard covertly if you really cared but we all know that it's all for the plot. Ashara? You could've saved her from that future since you the author know the plot but again another baby. And finding out the Lannister ****** but no consequence? especially when he can easily tell everyone else. Ugh, cowards who rely on plots would have an easy death if not for plot armor.
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It looked really promising up to chapter 12. MC did nothing about Ashara, but for some reason decided to spare her from suicide. Also he is only collecting bastards for no reason, when he can sire his own children. What a cuck, my man really said he to Ashara that he could take care of her and Brandon's child, instead of him doing the deed with her and taking care of his own child. Not a real friend to Ned, and is hanging out with that fatass Robert.
Good novel so far. ty .................................................................. ..................................................................
Premis of the story is great, however, the thing that ruins it for me is that the English and grammar etc is sht. Then the author tries to use the correct terms? For the Got vers making it even more complex and difficult to read. Things like 5 name days have passed, this type of dialect
😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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alright well let's get started writing quality - I gave it a 4 for one reason everyone messes up so 5 is just likely pretty solid grammar tho story development - very nice so far character is from hp transported to got, and it's done very well character design - I really enjoy this I love the character personally updating stability - so far it's been pretty solid so a 5 even though I usually give 4's for this world background - now I was originally going to give it a 3 because it's a fanfic so you can't expect much, but I personally think they did very well in doing this although I could just be biased since I already know the world lore so overall 4.4 it's good I hope he/she doesn't drop the story
Thanks for the gem and don't drop!🤙🐙 ................................. Thanks for the gem and don't drop!🤙🐙 ................................. Thanks for the gem and don't drop!🤙🐙
Nice fanfic... experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience
El capítulo estuvo emocionante espero mas capítulos mas emocionantesssss sobre el protagonista habrá emparejamiento o harem o no habrá ninguno de los dos
God what a great chapter!!!!!! It was a lot of fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 You killed it!!!!!!!!
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It sounds like a really good idea, but it is just that, an idea. It’s up to you, the author almighty, to make this idea a full fledged to notch fan fiction or another waste in the sea of trash that is Webnovel new days. But i have a moderate amount of trust in you, and i will gamble my power stones that you’ll make something nice.
Idea is dope, so is story. wizard MC from HP in GOT. no MC acting overly good, no cringe speech moments [as of C3 ], no retarded moments. dope. MC is presented as a planner and someone with brains and a war veteran. hope MC uses modern sciences and magic for magic and will be both intelligent and ruthless. Make him a planner and manipulator. I really hope he is more brains than brawn cause thats what intrigued me. a wizard soldier from our world in GOT Author, the thing that kinda ruins bks like urs is that the MC becomes god, he can do anything anytime and has no conflicts or anything. wants crops, do runes and magic and terra form, want loyalty? mind read and enslave [ thats what happens in HP SI MC in GOT FF's, they more or less gain control over the world within months to 1 or 2 yrs]. try to avoid this. make him OP, thats dope, but dont make him do shit without any trouble. give conflict and shit. IDK, a time limit to do magic or something. any relationships just build, no rush. dont make MC a idiot that falls for pretty chicks that tries to gain their attention, i mean he lived 2 lives and was a war veteran, this dude is more enlightened than anyone in this world. and dont make lovers useless sluts. other than that GL.
Great start! really liked how the mc is part of karstark, other Paramount houses are overused. And I like how the mc is building himself to become overpowered and is not limbing like a bit*h.
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It was good. But could be better. Just have one single problem .. ...not enough chapters .
I particularly liked the story, of course it still has a lot of room to evolve. has it been a while since the last chapter, did the author give up on the work?
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore
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God what a great chapter!!!!!! It was a lot of fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 You killed it!!!!!!!!
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore
This novel is really great!!! I love how you didn’t choose one of the main houses to start your character off in, or make him the eldest. It gives him a challenge. 😁 I also like how you’re keeping the main plot the same, so at least in the beginning it will be similar to the real one. So just keep doing what your doing! 👍👍👍 Hope you update more though 😁
Not really good. The English is terrible and there is no logic in the writing. The Stability of Updates is good, but just that, good. Story Development is alright, though yet again, thee is no logic. Character design don't get me started. a seven year old looking 15?! What are you thinking!? at best he should look ten. World Background makes me want to puke. you made a story that is vibrant with Background suck. I suggest learning English until you are on par with a native speaker, I am southern so I have to type like a Northerner to typically be legible. Try it like that. I also suggest reading LOTS of books. I was total trash before reading alot. Don't go in without practicing. Another piece of advice is to reread your works before publishing. I have a hard time remembering to do it, but my best chapters are when I rewrite what I got wrong. I also suggest Grammarly, it can help a lot with that. I'm using it right now! I hope that you pause and redo most of the story, it needs it.
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore
Update Update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is shit. Not the most favorable word but it is. Why? For one, most things are still the same. Seriously, you could sum it all up in a backstory telling his background, connections and the changes he made in history in one chapter. Who here likes to read almost everything we already know? Not me. And raising flags? Only to be cuckold by giving it up, for plot? You could've saved the mother of Robert's bastard covertly if you really cared but we all know that it's all for the plot. Ashara? You could've saved her from that future since you the author know the plot but again another baby. And finding out the Lannister ****** but no consequence? especially when he can easily tell everyone else. Ugh, cowards who rely on plots would have an easy death if not for plot armor.
....................................... ....................................... ....................................... ....................................... ....................................... ....................................... .......................................
It looked really promising up to chapter 12. MC did nothing about Ashara, but for some reason decided to spare her from suicide. Also he is only collecting bastards for no reason, when he can sire his own children. What a cuck, my man really said he to Ashara that he could take care of her and Brandon's child, instead of him doing the deed with her and taking care of his own child. Not a real friend to Ned, and is hanging out with that fatass Robert.
Good novel so far. ty .................................................................. ..................................................................
Premis of the story is great, however, the thing that ruins it for me is that the English and grammar etc is sht. Then the author tries to use the correct terms? For the Got vers making it even more complex and difficult to read. Things like 5 name days have passed, this type of dialect
😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
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alright well let's get started writing quality - I gave it a 4 for one reason everyone messes up so 5 is just likely pretty solid grammar tho story development - very nice so far character is from hp transported to got, and it's done very well character design - I really enjoy this I love the character personally updating stability - so far it's been pretty solid so a 5 even though I usually give 4's for this world background - now I was originally going to give it a 3 because it's a fanfic so you can't expect much, but I personally think they did very well in doing this although I could just be biased since I already know the world lore so overall 4.4 it's good I hope he/she doesn't drop the story
Thanks for the gem and don't drop!🤙🐙 ................................. Thanks for the gem and don't drop!🤙🐙 ................................. Thanks for the gem and don't drop!🤙🐙
Nice fanfic... experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience experience
El capítulo estuvo emocionante espero mas capítulos mas emocionantesssss sobre el protagonista habrá emparejamiento o harem o no habrá ninguno de los dos
God what a great chapter!!!!!! It was a lot of fun !!!!!!!!!!!!!😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 You killed it!!!!!!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
It sounds like a really good idea, but it is just that, an idea. It’s up to you, the author almighty, to make this idea a full fledged to notch fan fiction or another waste in the sea of trash that is Webnovel new days. But i have a moderate amount of trust in you, and i will gamble my power stones that you’ll make something nice.
Idea is dope, so is story. wizard MC from HP in GOT. no MC acting overly good, no cringe speech moments [as of C3 ], no retarded moments. dope. MC is presented as a planner and someone with brains and a war veteran. hope MC uses modern sciences and magic for magic and will be both intelligent and ruthless. Make him a planner and manipulator. I really hope he is more brains than brawn cause thats what intrigued me. a wizard soldier from our world in GOT Author, the thing that kinda ruins bks like urs is that the MC becomes god, he can do anything anytime and has no conflicts or anything. wants crops, do runes and magic and terra form, want loyalty? mind read and enslave [ thats what happens in HP SI MC in GOT FF's, they more or less gain control over the world within months to 1 or 2 yrs]. try to avoid this. make him OP, thats dope, but dont make him do shit without any trouble. give conflict and shit. IDK, a time limit to do magic or something. any relationships just build, no rush. dont make MC a idiot that falls for pretty chicks that tries to gain their attention, i mean he lived 2 lives and was a war veteran, this dude is more enlightened than anyone in this world. and dont make lovers useless sluts. other than that GL.
Great start! really liked how the mc is part of karstark, other Paramount houses are overused. And I like how the mc is building himself to become overpowered and is not limbing like a bit*h.
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