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LV 1

4son_Re

Well written but has 1 major demerit. 122 chapters in and he's still in the academy...... C'mon. at this rate its looking like i'm closer to retirement than he is to shippuden

14d 4

Ver 1 respuestas

LV 4

Avirup_Das

I like your story author. However, since his father's death you are showing how Ren is creating boundaries and "using" his friends, watching everything with indifference. I understand that after a close person's death people needs time to heal and all. But the idea of not having bonds because they are weakness and using everyone, always seeing things with indifference is soon going to be the same as literally 99% other fanfics where authors think that is somehow the best option. Without bonds soon the character will feel mechanical and like no emotional intelligence. It also wouldn't create hooks, tension while particularly tricky situations unfold. Forgive me if i seemed like ranting, but a lot of authors make their character cold, indifferent, dark, etc etc. and not always it makes sense. Especially here he felt love with his parents, had friends. Instead of weakness it could be shown as powerful motivation to not loose them and improve more. The other characters could also have significant growth, and together with Ren, could dunno have more impact than just some one man show. Just my opinion that can make the story more engaging and real. Nobody will become Madara level powerful by the time they are in early teens. You said so that realistic growth will be there. Rivalry, and helping each other grow is sorta more feasible than one dude becoming a mechanical machine and training non stop and using everyone to bis advantage for years until he feels ready to face the world, which can take decade and still me me tally sane. I jst wanted to convey my thoughts, as i wouldn't have bothered writing so much if i hadn't been hooked. The chapters of bonding and the subsequent couple chapter where Toshiro died and the funeral and all, how he said his mother doesn't need to be strong all the time, how his mother and father met, all these were really nice, i actually felt the emotions. In anycase, good luck with your story.

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2mth 2

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LV 2

KENZ_OO_YT

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2mth 2

Ver 0 respuestas

LV 14

Sami_Alfoheday

love the story so far a little slow, but that is OK only problem is the jetsu names in Japanese. make them in English so I know witch jetsu is it

16d 1

Ver 1 respuestas

LV 15

Vestrix94

Very interesting, great desition to not place the MC in the Konoha.

16d 1

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LV 2

Matheus_Santos_9759

An incredible Naruto fanfic set in Kirigakure! The slow-burn character development and immersive world-building are masterfully done. A must-read without a doubt.

24d 1

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LV 1

ricardo_yammouni

yeaaaaaaa!!!!!!! .................................................................................................................,,,,,,,,,

26d 1

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LV 3

Baldsan

please like this if it reached 100 chapters, so I'll start reading it, but in the first chapter, I can see it's potential

1mth 1

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LV 3

mantaege

it has for sure potential but lets see in the future

2mth 1

Ver 1 respuestas

LV 14

Victor_7740

Why not nove this to fanfiction? Also good fic.

2mth 1

Ver 4 respuestas

LV 1

ricardo_yammouni

W fucking fic, i like the pacing and th character development, even though yu somtimes get the grammer wrong, its only basic, it doesent affect the reading experience alot.