This is more like kiaran and his nephew( i Dont remember his name, sorry) from your previous novel. I dont know why I feel like it but whatever.🙃
'Mmm I'm hungry...' Ian glanced at Alaric who was following him. He kept peeking at him and opening his mouth but didn't say anything in the end. 'But I can't just walk away, I guess.'
The Undying Star
Fantasy · daniz_
childs........ Filthy Rookie Mistake
Dieser Absatz wurde gestrichen.
Beyond the Eternity
Urban · ImmortalClown
Bro your writing and story is fine but god damn bro chill out, the story feels rushed not in the lore sense but how you are explaining the scenes. Take your time to transition between different scenes, explain the environment more, give more explanation about what goes inside the mind of the mc, detail the smell and aura of the surroundings, increase word count and give yourself and us time to breathe
Took you long enough! You did reflect on some of my past points but I still think that you are only focusing on the characters and the environment surrounding them is lifeless. Try to explain the place where the characters are. If you want an example, you can read any page of lord of the mysteries and see how cuttlefish makes the environment more alive by adding background characters yelling in bars and local places, explaining the environment, air, forest, inns etc. Though I don't expect it to be on the same level as Cuttlefish, just try at least. You had a great opportunity for it when the mc was riding in the carriage but you missed it. This imagery is very important for a full fleshed novel.
Nah! I just have spend a lot of time reading and have finished many novels like lord of the mysteries, trash of the counts family etc. These types of things come naturally at that point.
I have only read upto ch 14. Thus, these are just some of my suggestions and first time thoughts. 1. The Story is well better than most isekai stories present on this platform(I expect nothing less from a lovecraftian story) 2. The world has not been introduced much yet and I expect it to be above average. 3. The writing quality is below average but there are not many grammatical errors. It is really simple and feels like it is thrown right to your face. I suggest you try to explain some of the scenes more vividly using examples and add more impact using vocabulary( use in moderation ) 4. It's been 14 chapters and yet I have no idea, how the mc's room look like. Try to explain the background more. It will increase your word count. 5. You can also add some philosophical ideas here and there to increase the word count. If you work on some parts, it can turn into a pretty good novel. I can guarantee it and please don't drop it
Author, I hope you will not abandon this novel like your other novels. I sort of enjoyed it despite some minor plotholes like how Regis was able to read and write despite living in slums(which might have a reason which you will explain in future chapters) and how Regis survived when he was unconscious during second awakening because he had to kill in a minute and he was unconscious for quite some time
You really like the word tapestry.
Dieses Buch wurde gelöscht.
bro you should have added it in a bracket. it would have lightnend our mood. Comedy is always welcome
The dead one had already finished the story.
Demons in the Mirror
Fantasy · Moonaisy
it's natural, characters you create become a part of you and reside in your sub consciousness which influence your other works without you even noticing
'Mmm I'm hungry...' Ian glanced at Alaric who was following him. He kept peeking at him and opening his mouth but didn't say anything in the end. 'But I can't just walk away, I guess.'
The Undying Star
Fantasy · daniz_