BugsyToots - Profile

Get those chapters out

I would keep her and she could be like a little sister. Give yourself a little challenge and you'll grow as a writer. Keep it up.

Develop your story more and come back to the idea of romance later on. You might find it easier to write in the romance when you have developed your characters more.

I keep getting thinking that Charlie is the one going through the troubles not harry

This has potential keep up the good work

fingers crossed that Quinn gives Snape a fake death, stop his heart or something and then when the magic vow is gone he just defibs him back to life

Arishem is a celestial, the human like beings he created are the eternals. Otherwise nice chapter.

I need like 100 chapters stat

Just sort out the grammar issues and you have a great story.

Being more thorough and explaining why she should give him the money would have been better. More details would be the scenario much better.

Give us at least 20 chapters to show some character and story development before you put a lock on it

was the Peter Parker / drake bell comment supposed to be a superhero movie reference. if it was... nice.

hope this guy hasn't just abandoned the orphanage

keep up the good work

I like the innocence to everything. hopefully he doesn't change much as a person.

bro what

yeh Gara is such a good character rip

yeh following the mc doesn't make sense